3 ms·

Mental health is very complex, but I think it's a spectrum, with low-grade symptoms at one end, and manic episodes at the extreme other end. I'm sure it varies

Mental health is very complex, but I think it's a spectrum, with low-grade symptoms at one end, and manic episodes at the extreme other end. I'm sure it varies a lot from person-to-person, but for me, I have a constant and profound feeling of sadness and futility, I often feel like crying, and occasionally consider ending my life (I almost fantacise about it, because I wouldn't have to feel this way any more). One of my parents has manic depression, and a sibling also has clinical depression - I presume there is a genetic factor at play; I was brought up in a middle-class household with parents that loved me, and I seldom wanted for anything. Now, I'm a successful software architect with a wife, kids and side-business. I own my own home, I have 2 nice cars, and I have a high income. Yet I still feel that sadness, and often just don't see the point of living, or life at all, really. Except for randoms on the internet, I've never told anyone about this. I've come close many times, but I guess the longer you keep a secret, the harder it is to let it out. If anyone else is reading this, I'd enourage them not to be me, and to seek medical help. If you don't think you can speak to a doctor, I'd also recommend trying 5-HTP - I started 200mg 2x a day a few years back, and the change was incredible. It may have saved my life.

leksak 6y ago
With regards to your fantasies that sounds like suicidal ideation and is a coping mechanism that I myself oftentimes use albeit not willfully
filleduchaos 6y ago
Mental health is indeed very complex, and spans far, far more than just affective disorders. Unfortunately the advocacy/discussion around it begins and ends with affective disorders the vast majority of the time. Even considering just that axis, I'm not sure how one would define a spectrum that has low-grade symptoms on one end and manic episodes on the other. If anything there is a spectrum of affective states ranging from severe depression to severe mania, with most people at most times clustered around the origin point - and even at that, you can't map it to a line with two ends because mixed states exist. Speaking to your specific case, and also for anyone who might be in the same shoes: suicidal ideation isn't the sole purview of depression or even of mood disorders as a whole, and I really wish the conversation around mental health would expand enough for more people (both patients and healthcare providers) to actually tackle it properly. Besides that I don't think you need to encourage anyone "not to be [you]"; you've found something that works for you, which is more than can be said of the healthcare system sometimes.
leksak 6y ago
Anyone reading this should before they take 5-htp try and determine if they have low levels of dopamine as 5-htp helps elevate serotonin which you don't necessarily want to do if you have low dopamine. However, if someone responds well to 5-HTP it might make sense to seek out an SSRI medication
- GordonS 6y ago
  > determine if they have low levels of dopamine How would you actually do that? Is there some kind of home test available?
  - danparsonson 6y ago
    Talk to a doctor - self-medication is a risky endeavour, especially where mental health is concerned.
    - GordonS 6y ago
      In an ideal world, sure. But not everyone is willing to talk to a doctor, or indeed anyone.
      - coldtea 6y ago
        Then they have worse problems that their medication...
  - leksak 6y ago
    Not yet. Medical science has progressed to where it's starting to become possible to investigate this in a clinical setting, so home tests aren't going to become available just yet. One will have to resign to doing what has been done previously which is to look at how a person lives their lives and inferrence from that. I'm not a doctor, but having a pronounced need for variety and change is somewhat indicative. Also, if someone intuitively seeks out dopaminergic foods and drinks that's an indicator also (dark chocolate, foods rich in tyrosine). It's not uncommon for a person that's low in dopamine to become noticably relaxed after a high-carbohydrate meal as that meal would elevate serotonin and when dopamine is low and serotonin is high you become chill. People low in dopamine tend to be addictive. Sugar-bugs, coffee-fiends, sometimes adrenaline-junkies.
ryanwaggoner 6y ago
Have you ever worked with a therapist? I would recommend it. In particular, while there may be a genetic component, don’t underestimate the impact of growing up with a severely depressed parent. You may be carrying more burdens from your childhood than you realize.
- GordonS 6y ago
  No, I haven't ever even told anyone. I've kept it a secret my whole life. This sound like good advice, but I've kept it hidden so long I'm genuinely afraid that I'll have some kind of breakdown if I let it out.

leksak 6y ago

With regards to your fantasies that sounds like suicidal ideation and is a coping mechanism that I myself oftentimes use albeit not willfully

filleduchaos 6y ago

Mental health is indeed very complex, and spans far, far more than just affective disorders. Unfortunately the advocacy/discussion around it begins and ends with affective disorders the vast majority of the time. Even considering just that axis, I'm not sure how one would define a spectrum that has low-grade symptoms on one end and manic episodes on the other. If anything there is a spectrum of affective states ranging from severe depression to severe mania, with most people at most times clustered around the origin point - and even at that, you can't map it to a line with two ends because mixed states exist. Speaking to your specific case, and also for anyone who might be in the same shoes: suicidal ideation isn't the sole purview of depression or even of mood disorders as a whole, and I really wish the conversation around mental health would expand enough for more people (both patients and healthcare providers) to actually tackle it properly. Besides that I don't think you need to encourage anyone "not to be [you]"; you've found something that works for you, which is more than can be said of the healthcare system sometimes.

leksak 6y ago

Anyone reading this should before they take 5-htp try and determine if they have low levels of dopamine as 5-htp helps elevate serotonin which you don't necessarily want to do if you have low dopamine. However, if someone responds well to 5-HTP it might make sense to seek out an SSRI medication

GordonS 6y ago
> determine if they have low levels of dopamine How would you actually do that? Is there some kind of home test available?
- danparsonson 6y ago
  Talk to a doctor - self-medication is a risky endeavour, especially where mental health is concerned.
  - GordonS 6y ago
    In an ideal world, sure. But not everyone is willing to talk to a doctor, or indeed anyone.
    - coldtea 6y ago
      Then they have worse problems that their medication...
- leksak 6y ago
  Not yet. Medical science has progressed to where it's starting to become possible to investigate this in a clinical setting, so home tests aren't going to become available just yet. One will have to resign to doing what has been done previously which is to look at how a person lives their lives and inferrence from that. I'm not a doctor, but having a pronounced need for variety and change is somewhat indicative. Also, if someone intuitively seeks out dopaminergic foods and drinks that's an indicator also (dark chocolate, foods rich in tyrosine). It's not uncommon for a person that's low in dopamine to become noticably relaxed after a high-carbohydrate meal as that meal would elevate serotonin and when dopamine is low and serotonin is high you become chill. People low in dopamine tend to be addictive. Sugar-bugs, coffee-fiends, sometimes adrenaline-junkies.

ryanwaggoner 6y ago

Have you ever worked with a therapist? I would recommend it. In particular, while there may be a genetic component, don’t underestimate the impact of growing up with a severely depressed parent. You may be carrying more burdens from your childhood than you realize.

GordonS 6y ago
No, I haven't ever even told anyone. I've kept it a secret my whole life. This sound like good advice, but I've kept it hidden so long I'm genuinely afraid that I'll have some kind of breakdown if I let it out.