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Single dad - with two boys who delight and terrorise in equal measure. Working in an industry in constant flux, trying to make the right moves and play to my sk

Single dad - with two boys who delight and terrorise in equal measure. Working in an industry in constant flux, trying to make the right moves and play to my skills. Knowing all along that I am not the best at what I do by a long mile. I've had two years that have often felt horrendous, and that's putting it lightly. I am approaching 40, and have taken a turn for the worse in terms of lock down weight... Weirdly corona has brought together my family, has made me see I am really lucky to have the job I have and made me desperate to work harder at social relationships. So that's my story, and I am here for anyone who might benefit from a similar perspective :)

thorin 6y ago
Also single dad with 2 young kids in the UK. Got divorced last year, so this year has been a challenge for the same reasons you mentioned! Grateful to have work and spend lots of time with the kids although they are back at school now. I'm 44 so my skills are even more out of date!
- royletron 6y ago
  The first year and a half is the worse for separation with children, at least for me. Trying to be involved in the same capacity, whilst maintaining a job and rebuilding your own life is a lot of work. I was constantly exhausted, often forgetting to eat and drink and barely functioning. There were some friends and family that really came through for me during those first 18 months. In terms of skills, like I say you just have to work with what you have. Don't imagine you have to be the best at something, but be solid. Let your experience make you dependable and steady - focus on consistency and being the 'calm one'. That's really come through for me in recent years.
  - thorin 6y ago
    Thanks for the reply. I've been looking after the kids 3 days a week plus half of weekends and holidays for 2 years now. Sleep was a problem for a bit but the kids are 5 and 6 now and sleep well. I didn't eat much last year and exercised a lot so was in great shape, but now I'm happier this year I'm eating and drinking more! Work is ok. I realise it's a means to an end supporting the family and do what I need to do and try to be kind to people around me. I owe a few close friends for helping me be where I'm at now.
    - royletron 6y ago
      Sounds like a similar deal. I was 'allowed' to take the boys for my first holiday with them in years the other week and it was complete bliss. Blackpool beach has never felt so special... One thing I've been meaning to ask someone in the same position - how do your friends with kids treat you now? Especially those that knew you with your ex? I often feel like they're almost jealous of my position of getting a few days 'to yourself'. It's hard that I feel they're less likely to hear me, or relate... Does that happen with you? I'm on Twitter with the same name so feel free to reach out. Good to keep a single dad's club going.
      - thorin 6y ago
        We have a 50% kind of deal so holidays aren't a major problem although I was told not to take the children overseas. Not a problem this year! I've enjoyed a week in Wales this year and a week in Scotland last year. Can be a bit awkward just with the 3 of us as their mum has a bigger extended family but we still enjoyed ourselves. I get that a bit. I'm often the only dad in the playground with a sea of mums and a few have said they'd love to have time to themselves. It's important, I think that's why I'm single but I'm not sure. I think it's just important to relate to people equally on a gut level and be kind when you can. It would be nice to have sympathy sometimes but it doesn't really help that much. Things are good right now, but they could easily be better or worse! Unfortunately I'm not on Twitter but good luck with your journey. Good to talk.
bradstewart 6y ago
> Knowing all along that I am not the best at what I do by a long mile Being aware of this gives you a leg up on a lot of people. The fact of the matter is almost nobody is the best at something. Which is totally fine! Don't discount the things you are good at. Most projects do not require the best. You deliver value without being an overconfident know-it-all.
- royletron 6y ago
  I think it's definitely a wisdom/experience/age thing. I know now that my ability to not run at 60 miles an hour as soon as something turns or a new opportunity arrises is as much a blessing as a curse.
blaser-waffle 6y ago
Same things, though no kids. Super lucky to be remote and working a decent job, and reconnecting with a lot of family and friends via text/skype, but also trying to hold on in a rocky industry and not sure of the next steps.
- royletron 6y ago
  It's a tough existence on your own right now, but in other ways it's easier because everyone is in the same boat. We are more remote, but also more understanding that connecting with people means so much to us...

thorin 6y ago

Also single dad with 2 young kids in the UK. Got divorced last year, so this year has been a challenge for the same reasons you mentioned! Grateful to have work and spend lots of time with the kids although they are back at school now. I'm 44 so my skills are even more out of date!

royletron 6y ago
The first year and a half is the worse for separation with children, at least for me. Trying to be involved in the same capacity, whilst maintaining a job and rebuilding your own life is a lot of work. I was constantly exhausted, often forgetting to eat and drink and barely functioning. There were some friends and family that really came through for me during those first 18 months. In terms of skills, like I say you just have to work with what you have. Don't imagine you have to be the best at something, but be solid. Let your experience make you dependable and steady - focus on consistency and being the 'calm one'. That's really come through for me in recent years.
- thorin 6y ago
  Thanks for the reply. I've been looking after the kids 3 days a week plus half of weekends and holidays for 2 years now. Sleep was a problem for a bit but the kids are 5 and 6 now and sleep well. I didn't eat much last year and exercised a lot so was in great shape, but now I'm happier this year I'm eating and drinking more! Work is ok. I realise it's a means to an end supporting the family and do what I need to do and try to be kind to people around me. I owe a few close friends for helping me be where I'm at now.
  - royletron 6y ago
    Sounds like a similar deal. I was 'allowed' to take the boys for my first holiday with them in years the other week and it was complete bliss. Blackpool beach has never felt so special... One thing I've been meaning to ask someone in the same position - how do your friends with kids treat you now? Especially those that knew you with your ex? I often feel like they're almost jealous of my position of getting a few days 'to yourself'. It's hard that I feel they're less likely to hear me, or relate... Does that happen with you? I'm on Twitter with the same name so feel free to reach out. Good to keep a single dad's club going.
    - thorin 6y ago
      We have a 50% kind of deal so holidays aren't a major problem although I was told not to take the children overseas. Not a problem this year! I've enjoyed a week in Wales this year and a week in Scotland last year. Can be a bit awkward just with the 3 of us as their mum has a bigger extended family but we still enjoyed ourselves. I get that a bit. I'm often the only dad in the playground with a sea of mums and a few have said they'd love to have time to themselves. It's important, I think that's why I'm single but I'm not sure. I think it's just important to relate to people equally on a gut level and be kind when you can. It would be nice to have sympathy sometimes but it doesn't really help that much. Things are good right now, but they could easily be better or worse! Unfortunately I'm not on Twitter but good luck with your journey. Good to talk.

bradstewart 6y ago

> Knowing all along that I am not the best at what I do by a long mile Being aware of this gives you a leg up on a lot of people. The fact of the matter is almost nobody is the best at something. Which is totally fine! Don't discount the things you are good at. Most projects do not require the best. You deliver value without being an overconfident know-it-all.

royletron 6y ago
I think it's definitely a wisdom/experience/age thing. I know now that my ability to not run at 60 miles an hour as soon as something turns or a new opportunity arrises is as much a blessing as a curse.

blaser-waffle 6y ago

Same things, though no kids. Super lucky to be remote and working a decent job, and reconnecting with a lot of family and friends via text/skype, but also trying to hold on in a rocky industry and not sure of the next steps.

royletron 6y ago
It's a tough existence on your own right now, but in other ways it's easier because everyone is in the same boat. We are more remote, but also more understanding that connecting with people means so much to us...