5 ms·

I am on the fence on this. Culturally, it's my feeling that funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living, and this is a way for the dead to cut into

I am on the fence on this. Culturally, it's my feeling that funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living, and this is a way for the dead to cut into the lives of people who now get to move on. The "zing" element of it is just a way for someone to be hurtful to people who can never have closure on that... On the flip side - not everyone is cynical, they may say some of the things they had a hard time saying when they were alive, affirmations that maybe made them uncomfortable, or admitting wrongs that may have been too difficult to do when alive. I'd hope that a service like this would be thoughtful, and pensive, and think of those who are left behind as a primary focus. Edit: and this is all possibly moot as it sounds like this person isn't even real (I get that this is speculation, but I'm just sharing it because I agree, this story is questionable): https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24427464 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24427464 Edit 2: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24428153 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24428153 Pretty good evidence this is actually real, so, yeah, my comment stands though :)

mastazi 6y ago
> The "zing" element of it is just a way for someone to be hurtful to people who can never have closure on that... I agree on this, it's unfortunate that the article focuses on that story first... towards the end, it mentions other stories that are more wholesome (e.g. the story about the wife who left messages around the house for his surviving husband to find) but I guess that unfortunately negativity "sells" better. Edit - nowadays, considering our shortened attention span, that editorial choice is even more unfortunate (as opposed to 20-30 years ago when news consumption happened offline and in a different fashion - and probably a higher percentage of readers would end up reading the whole article).
Barrin92 6y ago
>and this is a way for the dead to cut into the lives of people who now get to move on. this is why I absolutely love this, it has a Diogenic quality. I've always really disliked how churches and funerals lull people with their bog-standard speeches and an hour after the funeral everyone's bickering about the news or who gained ten pounds of weight. A death is a great opportunity to shock people out of their everyday stupor, and when my grandfather died who was always somewhat of a trickster, he asked to put a recorder into the coffin with a sort of knocking sound that should play when he was lowered into the grave. Obviously everyone completely freaked out and half of the people were mad but I laughed my ass off. I think this is life affirming and when you can shock some people and have something they ought to be reminded of a funeral's the time to do it, they'll probably remember it for a long time.
- codezero 6y ago
  I don’t disagree, and I think if a person does this on their own it’s great, I think that as a business, this kind of thing could be pathological involving folks who aren’t as awesome as your grandfather, and I assume your family was fully aware of his mischievous nature.
- Kelamir 6y ago
  Ha! Your grandfather must have been a great man, Barrin92 :)
- phs 6y ago
  Playing a practical joke is great, your grandfather sounds awesome. On the other hand outing someone this way is shitty. It is what a coward does. > it has a Diogenic quality Diogenes had the hutzpah to call people on their crap when he was alive. To me, his purported opinion of his burial was not meant to lash out, but to show us the reality of death.
jmkd 6y ago
I found the idea of letting some people know they were not welcome at the funeral very powerful. There's no simple way to communicate this while alive, and no way to police it while dead. But this works. In my last days I might appreciate knowing that if two-faced rival X dared to show up they would be chased out of town AND that those I loved knew it was important to me. This is for the living and the dead.

mastazi 6y ago

> The "zing" element of it is just a way for someone to be hurtful to people who can never have closure on that... I agree on this, it's unfortunate that the article focuses on that story first... towards the end, it mentions other stories that are more wholesome (e.g. the story about the wife who left messages around the house for his surviving husband to find) but I guess that unfortunately negativity "sells" better. Edit - nowadays, considering our shortened attention span, that editorial choice is even more unfortunate (as opposed to 20-30 years ago when news consumption happened offline and in a different fashion - and probably a higher percentage of readers would end up reading the whole article).

Barrin92 6y ago

>and this is a way for the dead to cut into the lives of people who now get to move on. this is why I absolutely love this, it has a Diogenic quality. I've always really disliked how churches and funerals lull people with their bog-standard speeches and an hour after the funeral everyone's bickering about the news or who gained ten pounds of weight. A death is a great opportunity to shock people out of their everyday stupor, and when my grandfather died who was always somewhat of a trickster, he asked to put a recorder into the coffin with a sort of knocking sound that should play when he was lowered into the grave. Obviously everyone completely freaked out and half of the people were mad but I laughed my ass off. I think this is life affirming and when you can shock some people and have something they ought to be reminded of a funeral's the time to do it, they'll probably remember it for a long time.

codezero 6y ago
I don’t disagree, and I think if a person does this on their own it’s great, I think that as a business, this kind of thing could be pathological involving folks who aren’t as awesome as your grandfather, and I assume your family was fully aware of his mischievous nature.
Kelamir 6y ago
Ha! Your grandfather must have been a great man, Barrin92 :)
phs 6y ago
Playing a practical joke is great, your grandfather sounds awesome. On the other hand outing someone this way is shitty. It is what a coward does. > it has a Diogenic quality Diogenes had the hutzpah to call people on their crap when he was alive. To me, his purported opinion of his burial was not meant to lash out, but to show us the reality of death.

jmkd 6y ago

I found the idea of letting some people know they were not welcome at the funeral very powerful. There's no simple way to communicate this while alive, and no way to police it while dead. But this works. In my last days I might appreciate knowing that if two-faced rival X dared to show up they would be chased out of town AND that those I loved knew it was important to me. This is for the living and the dead.