5 ms·

Serious question. Why does America have a fixation with moving out of your parents home? Why does this headline make it sound like some bad thing. Oh god!

nip180 6y ago
Americans have a fixation on independence and “making it” on your own is a way to demonstrate independence. —- Random well educated American.
atomicnumber3 6y ago
Do you live in the US? This is, roughly, the modern version of the american dream... Be born to a middle class family living in the suburbs of a major city. Go to k-8 and maybe learn a bit (it's mostly highly structured childcare with learning sprinkled on top). Go to high school, get good enough grades that you get into AP classes. Get enough AP credit that you enter the college of your choice with plenty of headroom for a 4-year degree. Then take 5 years to do a 4-year degree. Learn how to live alone and be responsible while at college. Graduate, get a nice entry-level job through connections you made at university making ~1.5x median household income for your city. Get married. Climb the corporate ladder and have kids. And so on. Obviously this is extremely specific, assumes a lot of privilege, and so on. But this is the path that will have your snooty aunt having nothing bad to say about you at Thanksgiving. The important think to note is that, basically after leaving high school, the above plan has you living outside your parents house (even if you're still not totally independent). Moving back home after college is a pretty big step down in freedom (don't have to sneak your dates out the back door before your parents wake up, among many many other things). So, from two different sides: one, people used to dorm or college living won't want to downgrade back to being under their parents' thumb to any degree. And two, being back in your parents' house post-high-school indicates a lot of things to potential partners and maybe even employers (though obviously decent ones won't ask or care..... but lots of employers aren't decent). It's totally just a cultural thing. I think it will probably shift fast here in the next 20 years though. There are a lot of people in the 23-29 age range who have found the american dream I described above to be a pretty shitty deal that isn't attainable for a large portion of the population.
- refurb 6y ago
  That's the American dream? I always thought it was "start out with little, but end up with a solid middle class lifestyle." That doesn't mean Ivy League school or owning a house in the Bay Area. Plenty of people are living the American dream working jobs paying $75k, living in a house worth $200k, kids going to public school and two used cars in the driveway.
  - tonyedgecombe 6y ago
    If it's anything like the UK it changed in the eighties. People stopped comparing themselves with their neighours and started looking at the lifestyles of people they see on TV. All of a sudden you need a Rolex or Gucci clothing or a Porsche or holidays in Italy. And because that stuff is in your face everyday it appears normal. Look at the housing of any sitcom character, do you think a bunch of flaky dropouts could afford the New York apartments you see in Friends? If you can't afford that lifestyle then just borrow more, even students with no income can get credit. Can't get a loan? Then you must be some kind of degenerate who deserves their poverty. It takes quite a bit of fortitude to ignore all that and be satisfied with the ordinary. You can see by the state of most peoples finances that the majority haven't got that.
    - lotsofpulp 6y ago
      > It takes quite a bit of fortitude to ignore all that and be satisfied with the ordinary. It takes quite a bit of income to feel secure enough in the face of increased volatility in the labor markets and increase in prices of healthcare/education/real state in growing economic areas/taxes. The years of 50 to 65 are especially dangerous for Americans as they are much likelier to have a medical emergency, much likelier to not have a job providing decent health insurance (or much likelier to lose it), and they have some savings with which will cause them to not quality for government aid, but will get wiped out if they have a health emergency. 65 is when they get to the finish line and get taxpayer funded emergency hospital healthcare (the most expensive, debilitating cost for Americans). I expect the age to move up from 65 to 70 as I get older, just like Social Security retirement income age moves up. The second biggest risk for many Americans is if they have complications during birth which cause one or both spouses to lose their ability to go to work, since 40+ states have no parental leave laws. A woman can go on bed rest two months before giving birth, and be fired if she can’t be back to work within 1 month after giving birth since federal law only provides for 90 days of total leave.
scarface74 6y ago
Completely honest, naive question. How do you have any type of real sex life living at home and single? I moved out as soon as I graduated college because I had a job four hours away.
- war1025 6y ago
  > How do you have any type of real sex life living at home and single? Teenagers seem to get up to mischief in that department just fine. Don't see what would change about it as they got older.
  - scarface74 6y ago
    A 16 year old girl doesn’t expect her teenage boyfriend to have his own place. She is find sneaking in his house when his parents aren’t home. A 25 year old professional? I would think she wouldn’t feel the same.
- phobosanomaly 6y ago
  I think it depends on whether you're living with them because of choice or necessity. If you're staying with them because of choice and you have a good job, just get a hotel room or go stay at a B&B for the weekend or something. If you're staying with them because you're broke, you just don't have sex, unless you're the type who can sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo.
  - closeparen 6y ago
    Does that imply couples are only having a sex a few times a year on special occasions? In American culture that's more of a hallmark of "well into marriage" - young couples are going at it all the time.
    - phobosanomaly 6y ago
      I worded it maybe a little weird in retrospect. The implication was that if you have a decent job and live at home you will generally be able to arrange something because of your access to cash. So you can bankroll whatever solution will work with your s/o or casual encounter. If you're broke and living at home, it may be more difficult to enter a relationship or have a more casual encounter to begin with, let alone pay for a bunch of hotel rooms or whatever. So the first person can go at it all the time like you said, but the second person is more limited.

nip180 6y ago

Americans have a fixation on independence and “making it” on your own is a way to demonstrate independence. —- Random well educated American.

atomicnumber3 6y ago

Do you live in the US? This is, roughly, the modern version of the american dream... Be born to a middle class family living in the suburbs of a major city. Go to k-8 and maybe learn a bit (it's mostly highly structured childcare with learning sprinkled on top). Go to high school, get good enough grades that you get into AP classes. Get enough AP credit that you enter the college of your choice with plenty of headroom for a 4-year degree. Then take 5 years to do a 4-year degree. Learn how to live alone and be responsible while at college. Graduate, get a nice entry-level job through connections you made at university making ~1.5x median household income for your city. Get married. Climb the corporate ladder and have kids. And so on. Obviously this is extremely specific, assumes a lot of privilege, and so on. But this is the path that will have your snooty aunt having nothing bad to say about you at Thanksgiving. The important think to note is that, basically after leaving high school, the above plan has you living outside your parents house (even if you're still not totally independent). Moving back home after college is a pretty big step down in freedom (don't have to sneak your dates out the back door before your parents wake up, among many many other things). So, from two different sides: one, people used to dorm or college living won't want to downgrade back to being under their parents' thumb to any degree. And two, being back in your parents' house post-high-school indicates a lot of things to potential partners and maybe even employers (though obviously decent ones won't ask or care..... but lots of employers aren't decent). It's totally just a cultural thing. I think it will probably shift fast here in the next 20 years though. There are a lot of people in the 23-29 age range who have found the american dream I described above to be a pretty shitty deal that isn't attainable for a large portion of the population.

refurb 6y ago
That's the American dream? I always thought it was "start out with little, but end up with a solid middle class lifestyle." That doesn't mean Ivy League school or owning a house in the Bay Area. Plenty of people are living the American dream working jobs paying $75k, living in a house worth $200k, kids going to public school and two used cars in the driveway.
- tonyedgecombe 6y ago
  If it's anything like the UK it changed in the eighties. People stopped comparing themselves with their neighours and started looking at the lifestyles of people they see on TV. All of a sudden you need a Rolex or Gucci clothing or a Porsche or holidays in Italy. And because that stuff is in your face everyday it appears normal. Look at the housing of any sitcom character, do you think a bunch of flaky dropouts could afford the New York apartments you see in Friends? If you can't afford that lifestyle then just borrow more, even students with no income can get credit. Can't get a loan? Then you must be some kind of degenerate who deserves their poverty. It takes quite a bit of fortitude to ignore all that and be satisfied with the ordinary. You can see by the state of most peoples finances that the majority haven't got that.
  - lotsofpulp 6y ago
    > It takes quite a bit of fortitude to ignore all that and be satisfied with the ordinary. It takes quite a bit of income to feel secure enough in the face of increased volatility in the labor markets and increase in prices of healthcare/education/real state in growing economic areas/taxes. The years of 50 to 65 are especially dangerous for Americans as they are much likelier to have a medical emergency, much likelier to not have a job providing decent health insurance (or much likelier to lose it), and they have some savings with which will cause them to not quality for government aid, but will get wiped out if they have a health emergency. 65 is when they get to the finish line and get taxpayer funded emergency hospital healthcare (the most expensive, debilitating cost for Americans). I expect the age to move up from 65 to 70 as I get older, just like Social Security retirement income age moves up. The second biggest risk for many Americans is if they have complications during birth which cause one or both spouses to lose their ability to go to work, since 40+ states have no parental leave laws. A woman can go on bed rest two months before giving birth, and be fired if she can’t be back to work within 1 month after giving birth since federal law only provides for 90 days of total leave.

scarface74 6y ago

Completely honest, naive question. How do you have any type of real sex life living at home and single? I moved out as soon as I graduated college because I had a job four hours away.

war1025 6y ago
> How do you have any type of real sex life living at home and single? Teenagers seem to get up to mischief in that department just fine. Don't see what would change about it as they got older.
- scarface74 6y ago
  A 16 year old girl doesn’t expect her teenage boyfriend to have his own place. She is find sneaking in his house when his parents aren’t home. A 25 year old professional? I would think she wouldn’t feel the same.
phobosanomaly 6y ago
I think it depends on whether you're living with them because of choice or necessity. If you're staying with them because of choice and you have a good job, just get a hotel room or go stay at a B&B for the weekend or something. If you're staying with them because you're broke, you just don't have sex, unless you're the type who can sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo.
- closeparen 6y ago
  Does that imply couples are only having a sex a few times a year on special occasions? In American culture that's more of a hallmark of "well into marriage" - young couples are going at it all the time.
  - phobosanomaly 6y ago
    I worded it maybe a little weird in retrospect. The implication was that if you have a decent job and live at home you will generally be able to arrange something because of your access to cash. So you can bankroll whatever solution will work with your s/o or casual encounter. If you're broke and living at home, it may be more difficult to enter a relationship or have a more casual encounter to begin with, let alone pay for a bunch of hotel rooms or whatever. So the first person can go at it all the time like you said, but the second person is more limited.