4 ms·

That is not a problem as demonstrated by Indians.

scarface74 6y ago
Please tell me if this is normal, but the one single Indian guy that I was friends with stayed with his parents and grandparents. He was in his 30s, a virgin, never dated because his family didn’t believe in frivolous dating and when he decided to get married, he went back to India, had eligible women submit from what he explained were “applications”, chose a few that he thought were appealing, went on chaperoned dates to get to know them and about six months later got married. That is not at all how things work in western cultures. That’s not meant to be a judgement, we all met for dinner a few years later, they have kids - four generations staying together, they seem happy and every time he talks about her, his eyes still light up in a way that you can’t fake.
- notsureaboutpg 6y ago
  I'm born in the west to Indian parents and you're right this is common among Indians but I also went this route and met my spouse this way and we are really happy that we have a multigenerational household. It's especially helpful for working women like my wife because my parents are happy to watch kids if needed and we also can learn from them how to take care of kids, and they are happy to have family around, unlike so many their age. It's a win win win and anytime this is brought up the first thing people say is "Well I could never live with my parents! I had to get out of there" but honestly there's a lot worth tolerating when you're younger if it means that when you're older you have four more helping hands when you are in your early 20s, starting your careers, and having children.
  - scarface74 6y ago
    My grandparents also looked after me when I was young, my granddad picked me up from daycare etc. But, they stayed in their own home. Don’t get me wrong, if my parents weren’t able to take care of themselves, they would definitely move in with me. My parents are both in their late 70s, and independent, but I don’t see my dad living by himself with his hearing and eyesight going if something happened to my mom.
    - lotsofpulp 6y ago
      Different houses nearby is the ideal scenario in my opinion for parent / child couples. Houses are generally not sound proof enough for me to want live in the same one.
      - scarface74 6y ago
        As a somewhat well established forty year old, I would send money to my parents and help them pay their bills if needed to maintain their sense of independence if it were merely a financial situation for them before I would move them in with me.
- throwaway_1512 6y ago
  You make it sound like they had to fill out a form. There was such practice in ancient history where the monarchs would have “swayamvar” and eligible groom candidates would have to go through tests. In the contemporary world, it’s no different than Tinder/OkC, just the CSS(HTML) is different but the dynamics are the same.
  - scarface74 6y ago
    With Tinder or OkCupid, if I asked about how they felt about marriage and kids on the first date, I would be ghosted so fast it would make my head spin. He went to India for two weeks and came back talking about marriage. He had never met or spoken to his now wife beforehand.
    - Talanes 6y ago
      Well, yeah, that's more of an eHarmony relationship.
    - searchableguy 6y ago
      > He went to India for two weeks and came back talking about marriage. He had never met or spoken to his now wife beforehand. That doesn't sound normal.
      - ido 6y ago
        I want to add more "anecdata" of also knowing several people with similar stories (it may have been going to India for 2 months rather than 2 weeks. They met during that time in India and married shortly thereafter.
aaomidi 6y ago
Surprisingly culture is fluid and different.
ashtonkem 6y ago
Cultural norms really matter here. If living with your parents is normal, it won’t be a barrier to marriage. If living with your parents is seen as a sign of financial hardship or failure, it will become a barrier to marriage.
- woofie11 6y ago
  Hopefully, this is a dysfunctional cultural norm we can change in America. I was excited by this statistic. If this becomes commonplace, it will carry less stigma, and hopefully happen more often where appropriate.
  - biql 6y ago
    I am not sure it’s right to say that one way or another is dysfunctional. Each family is unique, people have different goals and preferences. There is no approach that would be right for everyone. But if the reasons for staying are mostly economical, it tells us that people are most likely doing this not because they enjoy it.
    - woofie11 6y ago
      I'm sure the current approach in the US is dysfunctional. No one is saying people can't move out. All we're saying is that in most countries in the world, there is no stigma to not moving out. Some kids move out when they head out for college. Others move out when they get married and set up families. Others move stay together, and the grandparents help raise the kids. All of these should be okay. In the US, they're not. The reasons people are staying are economical, but the reasons most people want to move out are equally broken: image and social pressure. People living with parents in the US are perceived as losers. COVID19 exasperates this problem. Since the only people moving back in with parents are doing so due to economic reasons, the messaging that sends becomes stronger. I don't mind more than half of 18-29 year olds living with parents. That's only occasionally a problem. I do mind more than half of 18-29 years old living with the ENTIRELY ARTIFICIAL STIGMA of moving back in with parents. That's where the majority of the harm comes from. (No, I'm not arguing there aren't abusive / dysfunctional / etc. families. It's a common. It's just not the majority case.)
viraptor 6y ago
It's a different culture though. I've definitely read Indian guys complaining how awkward it is to date / experience relationships with families being present all the time. Then there's a significant number of families who will be actively involved in choosing a life partner. And lots of other things... It's hard to compare metrics like young adults living at home without accounting for all of it.
booleandilemma 6y ago
Don’t they also have arranged marriages in India though?
ummonk 6y ago
Indians did not traditionally have to find their own spouse.

Please tell me if this is normal, but the one single Indian guy that I was friends with stayed with his parents and grandparents. He was in his 30s, a virgin, never dated because his family didn’t believe in frivolous dating and when he decided to get married, he went back to India, had eligible women submit from what he explained were “applications”, chose a few that he thought were appealing, went on chaperoned dates to get to know them and about six months later got married. That is not at all how things work in western cultures. That’s not meant to be a judgement, we all met for dinner a few years later, they have kids - four generations staying together, they seem happy and every time he talks about her, his eyes still light up in a way that you can’t fake.

notsureaboutpg 6y ago
I'm born in the west to Indian parents and you're right this is common among Indians but I also went this route and met my spouse this way and we are really happy that we have a multigenerational household. It's especially helpful for working women like my wife because my parents are happy to watch kids if needed and we also can learn from them how to take care of kids, and they are happy to have family around, unlike so many their age. It's a win win win and anytime this is brought up the first thing people say is "Well I could never live with my parents! I had to get out of there" but honestly there's a lot worth tolerating when you're younger if it means that when you're older you have four more helping hands when you are in your early 20s, starting your careers, and having children.
- scarface74 6y ago
  My grandparents also looked after me when I was young, my granddad picked me up from daycare etc. But, they stayed in their own home. Don’t get me wrong, if my parents weren’t able to take care of themselves, they would definitely move in with me. My parents are both in their late 70s, and independent, but I don’t see my dad living by himself with his hearing and eyesight going if something happened to my mom.
  - lotsofpulp 6y ago
    Different houses nearby is the ideal scenario in my opinion for parent / child couples. Houses are generally not sound proof enough for me to want live in the same one.
    - scarface74 6y ago
      As a somewhat well established forty year old, I would send money to my parents and help them pay their bills if needed to maintain their sense of independence if it were merely a financial situation for them before I would move them in with me.
throwaway_1512 6y ago
You make it sound like they had to fill out a form. There was such practice in ancient history where the monarchs would have “swayamvar” and eligible groom candidates would have to go through tests. In the contemporary world, it’s no different than Tinder/OkC, just the CSS(HTML) is different but the dynamics are the same.
- scarface74 6y ago
  With Tinder or OkCupid, if I asked about how they felt about marriage and kids on the first date, I would be ghosted so fast it would make my head spin. He went to India for two weeks and came back talking about marriage. He had never met or spoken to his now wife beforehand.
  - Talanes 6y ago
    Well, yeah, that's more of an eHarmony relationship.
  - searchableguy 6y ago
    > He went to India for two weeks and came back talking about marriage. He had never met or spoken to his now wife beforehand. That doesn't sound normal.
    - ido 6y ago
      I want to add more "anecdata" of also knowing several people with similar stories (it may have been going to India for 2 months rather than 2 weeks. They met during that time in India and married shortly thereafter.

aaomidi 6y ago

Surprisingly culture is fluid and different.

ashtonkem 6y ago

Cultural norms really matter here. If living with your parents is normal, it won’t be a barrier to marriage. If living with your parents is seen as a sign of financial hardship or failure, it will become a barrier to marriage.

woofie11 6y ago
Hopefully, this is a dysfunctional cultural norm we can change in America. I was excited by this statistic. If this becomes commonplace, it will carry less stigma, and hopefully happen more often where appropriate.
- biql 6y ago
  I am not sure it’s right to say that one way or another is dysfunctional. Each family is unique, people have different goals and preferences. There is no approach that would be right for everyone. But if the reasons for staying are mostly economical, it tells us that people are most likely doing this not because they enjoy it.
  - woofie11 6y ago
    I'm sure the current approach in the US is dysfunctional. No one is saying people can't move out. All we're saying is that in most countries in the world, there is no stigma to not moving out. Some kids move out when they head out for college. Others move out when they get married and set up families. Others move stay together, and the grandparents help raise the kids. All of these should be okay. In the US, they're not. The reasons people are staying are economical, but the reasons most people want to move out are equally broken: image and social pressure. People living with parents in the US are perceived as losers. COVID19 exasperates this problem. Since the only people moving back in with parents are doing so due to economic reasons, the messaging that sends becomes stronger. I don't mind more than half of 18-29 year olds living with parents. That's only occasionally a problem. I do mind more than half of 18-29 years old living with the ENTIRELY ARTIFICIAL STIGMA of moving back in with parents. That's where the majority of the harm comes from. (No, I'm not arguing there aren't abusive / dysfunctional / etc. families. It's a common. It's just not the majority case.)

viraptor 6y ago

It's a different culture though. I've definitely read Indian guys complaining how awkward it is to date / experience relationships with families being present all the time. Then there's a significant number of families who will be actively involved in choosing a life partner. And lots of other things... It's hard to compare metrics like young adults living at home without accounting for all of it.

booleandilemma 6y ago

Don’t they also have arranged marriages in India though?

ummonk 6y ago

Indians did not traditionally have to find their own spouse.