7 ms·

People have a traditional way of building family. The American way, i.e. via casual dating, often enhanced by apps, is experimental (barely a generation in) an

People have a traditional way of building family. The American way, i.e. via casual dating, often enhanced by apps, is experimental (barely a generation in) and not looking good for society's long-term stability.

celticninja 6y ago
That's a huge leap.
- mamon 6y ago
  You know, people make jokes about, for example, Indian arranged marriages, but they have one significant upside: you get to know not only your future partner, but also their family, their past, the environment that they were raised in, etc. It's basically a full background check. With casual dating via Tinder you might as well end up dating a serial killer, and even if you don't you still have much harder time really getting to know the person if you don't have any common friends, come from different cities, etc.
  - have_faith 6y ago
    Why does using Tinder to meet someone suddenly negate meeting the family and doing these "background checks"?
    - noisy_boy 6y ago
      Because the "background checks" happen upfront in case of arranged marriages. That way there isn't any emotional issues in case they fail.
      - celticninja 6y ago
        I mean that is absolute rubbish. There are plenty of arranged marriages that fail because e.g one partner was gay and hid it from their family. No 'background' checks prevent it and there is plenty of fallout.
        noisy_boy 6y ago
        Nobody claimed that background checks are foolproof. They check for "background" e.g. is the family known in the neighbourhood for bad conduct - they are not likely to reveal stuff one may be hiding from everyone else.
  - usrusr 6y ago
    What if it's a serial killer from a reputable family? You might as well end up marrying a serial killer.
    - celticninja 6y ago
      Maybe even marry into a family of serial killers.
  - celticninja 6y ago
    I got to know my in laws before I married my wife. I didn't have an Indian arranged marriage. A wise man once said "in-laws are never a reason to get married or to not got married" Also I know of many Pakistani arranged marriages between 1st cousins, it leads to a lot of premature babies. So as with everything there are pros and cons. I am pretty sure that a serial killer, as with most of them, would seem normal and respectable during any family gatherings. It's not like they would be like "ah welcome to my home future life partner, do you want to see my collection of severed hookers heads?"
redis_mlc 6y ago
This is correct. There are scientific reasons why app dating is destroying the nuclear American family, hand-in-hand with hypergamy, hence the men's Red Pill philosophy. If you're a high-income male working in the US and want to avoid getting divorce-fleeced: - do not get married in California (or divorce before 5 years) - try to avoid having children in the USA. If your kids live outside the USA, don't reside in California (because of the foreign child support law, which by default awards them the same amount as residents)
OneGuy123 6y ago
This. The saddest thing is that children are the main casualty in divorces. Single-parent raised children are known to have more issues/anxiety/etc... than children raised in a normal family.
- morley 6y ago
  The divorce rate was going up long before online dating, and have actually been going down since the onset of online dating. Though I'm skeptical they're directly related. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/06/23/144-years-of-marriage-and-divorce-in-the-united-states-in-one-chart/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/06/23/144-y...
  - throwaway0a5e 6y ago
    > and have actually been going down since the onset of online dating. I'm not blaming online dating (which I think is just a reflection of other cultural changes) but it's kind of hard to get divorced if you're not married and we know where marriage rates are going...
- _trampeltier 6y ago
  I don't know. I have a couple of friends who met there wife online. They all seems to have very stable releationships now and all have more than one child. Some had very wild times before, some almost nothing before.
have_faith 6y ago
> not looking good for society's long-term stability That's funny, I met my current long term partner on Tinder. Is there any indication that Tinder and related apps are anything other than an expression of an existing societal shift and not on the causal side of the relationship?
- cageface 6y ago
  There is. Just look at the studies of interaction dynamics of people on Tinder vs the physical world. It's very much a rich get richer dynamic. IMO we're going to look back on this generation of social apps as dangerously uncontrolled experiments in social engineering.
Saint_Genet 6y ago
Man, this article really brought out the reactionaries in the comment section.
- amadeuspagel 6y ago
  It did and I appreciate reading the views of people that I don't usually see on HN. I hope future articles will also bring out people with different views, and no one tries to make such people feel unwelcome.
  - mercer 6y ago
    Agreed. I'm about on the far end of laissez-faire when it comes to sexuality and dating, and fully in favor of apps like Tinder as a 'thing', but I think it's definitely valuable to hear other points of view. I mean, it wasn't that long ago that I believed sex before marriage was to be frowned upon.
- mellosouls 6y ago
  Also clearly brings out the people who don't like to hear opinions that differ from theirs...
thefz 6y ago
Dating apps are not for building a family, I reckon. Nor their purpose is society's long-term stability.
GaryNumanVevo 6y ago
What? Long-term relationships typically require two experienced partners who communicate well. Tinder is a super easy way to learn to get along with another person. Not to mention knowing one's sexual preferences make it much easier to find a long term partner. Casual dating has been like this for a long time, not sure how Tinder makes it worse

celticninja 6y ago

That's a huge leap.

mamon 6y ago
You know, people make jokes about, for example, Indian arranged marriages, but they have one significant upside: you get to know not only your future partner, but also their family, their past, the environment that they were raised in, etc. It's basically a full background check. With casual dating via Tinder you might as well end up dating a serial killer, and even if you don't you still have much harder time really getting to know the person if you don't have any common friends, come from different cities, etc.
- have_faith 6y ago
  Why does using Tinder to meet someone suddenly negate meeting the family and doing these "background checks"?
  - noisy_boy 6y ago
    Because the "background checks" happen upfront in case of arranged marriages. That way there isn't any emotional issues in case they fail.
    - celticninja 6y ago
      I mean that is absolute rubbish. There are plenty of arranged marriages that fail because e.g one partner was gay and hid it from their family. No 'background' checks prevent it and there is plenty of fallout.
      - noisy_boy 6y ago
        Nobody claimed that background checks are foolproof. They check for "background" e.g. is the family known in the neighbourhood for bad conduct - they are not likely to reveal stuff one may be hiding from everyone else.
- usrusr 6y ago
  What if it's a serial killer from a reputable family? You might as well end up marrying a serial killer.
  - celticninja 6y ago
    Maybe even marry into a family of serial killers.
- celticninja 6y ago
  I got to know my in laws before I married my wife. I didn't have an Indian arranged marriage. A wise man once said "in-laws are never a reason to get married or to not got married" Also I know of many Pakistani arranged marriages between 1st cousins, it leads to a lot of premature babies. So as with everything there are pros and cons. I am pretty sure that a serial killer, as with most of them, would seem normal and respectable during any family gatherings. It's not like they would be like "ah welcome to my home future life partner, do you want to see my collection of severed hookers heads?"

redis_mlc 6y ago

This is correct. There are scientific reasons why app dating is destroying the nuclear American family, hand-in-hand with hypergamy, hence the men's Red Pill philosophy. If you're a high-income male working in the US and want to avoid getting divorce-fleeced: - do not get married in California (or divorce before 5 years) - try to avoid having children in the USA. If your kids live outside the USA, don't reside in California (because of the foreign child support law, which by default awards them the same amount as residents)

OneGuy123 6y ago

This. The saddest thing is that children are the main casualty in divorces. Single-parent raised children are known to have more issues/anxiety/etc... than children raised in a normal family.

morley 6y ago
The divorce rate was going up long before online dating, and have actually been going down since the onset of online dating. Though I'm skeptical they're directly related. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/06/23/144-years-of-marriage-and-divorce-in-the-united-states-in-one-chart/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/06/23/144-y...
- throwaway0a5e 6y ago
  > and have actually been going down since the onset of online dating. I'm not blaming online dating (which I think is just a reflection of other cultural changes) but it's kind of hard to get divorced if you're not married and we know where marriage rates are going...
_trampeltier 6y ago
I don't know. I have a couple of friends who met there wife online. They all seems to have very stable releationships now and all have more than one child. Some had very wild times before, some almost nothing before.

have_faith 6y ago

> not looking good for society's long-term stability That's funny, I met my current long term partner on Tinder. Is there any indication that Tinder and related apps are anything other than an expression of an existing societal shift and not on the causal side of the relationship?

cageface 6y ago
There is. Just look at the studies of interaction dynamics of people on Tinder vs the physical world. It's very much a rich get richer dynamic. IMO we're going to look back on this generation of social apps as dangerously uncontrolled experiments in social engineering.

Saint_Genet 6y ago

Man, this article really brought out the reactionaries in the comment section.

amadeuspagel 6y ago
It did and I appreciate reading the views of people that I don't usually see on HN. I hope future articles will also bring out people with different views, and no one tries to make such people feel unwelcome.
- mercer 6y ago
  Agreed. I'm about on the far end of laissez-faire when it comes to sexuality and dating, and fully in favor of apps like Tinder as a 'thing', but I think it's definitely valuable to hear other points of view. I mean, it wasn't that long ago that I believed sex before marriage was to be frowned upon.
mellosouls 6y ago
Also clearly brings out the people who don't like to hear opinions that differ from theirs...

thefz 6y ago

Dating apps are not for building a family, I reckon. Nor their purpose is society's long-term stability.

GaryNumanVevo 6y ago

What? Long-term relationships typically require two experienced partners who communicate well. Tinder is a super easy way to learn to get along with another person. Not to mention knowing one's sexual preferences make it much easier to find a long term partner. Casual dating has been like this for a long time, not sure how Tinder makes it worse