7 ms·
I had a child with my fiancé six weeks ago. We lived together throughout COVID and even before, but four weeks after our daughter’s birth, she told me she was l
by helsinki 6y ago
I had a child with my fiancé six weeks ago. We lived together throughout COVID and even before, but four weeks after our daughter’s birth, she told me she was leaving and someone was picking them up shortly.
What happened afterwards is omitted for legal reasons.
It has been the worst two weeks of my life. We have not spoken since the day they left and I have not seen my daughter.
I should note that it takes two to tango. I could have done more to prevent it from happening. I could have done a lot better, but I just didn’t realize the fragility of our situation.
I cannot wait to hold my daughter again.
- bladegash 6y agoHang in there. Been through it myself and it was an awful experience. However, nearly four years later and everything has changed in my life for the better. Don’t allow her to make you feel like you have no rights or role within your daughter’s life, take some time to determine how important staying involved is to you, and if it is important, don’t give up.
- helsinki 6y agoThank you - this is helpful to read. I didn’t think anything could hurt the mind and heart so much.
- bladegash 6y agoThere's nothing else like it and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. That being said, you always have a choice with how you perceive your circumstances, the story/narrative you tell to yourself about what happened, and further how you use all this to create a new life for you and your daughter. Take time to grieve the loss(es), but if you get a bit stuck, don't hesitate to ask for help (e.g., from a therapist, doctor, minister, friends, family, etc.). Someone shared with me a metaphor during my divorce which I found helpful, so who knows, maybe it will help you as well: Imagine your house being destroyed by a natural disaster. It sucks, you have to start over, and you have to cope with a lot of loss. Eventually, you get to the point where you're ready to build a new house. Only this time, you get to pick out what the new house looks like. You get to pick the decorations, the color of the paint, the fixtures, etc. It may not seem like it when you're in the immediate aftermath of the house being destroyed, but eventually, you build a house that is exactly the way you wanted/needed it, and maybe wouldn't have done otherwise if not for the natural disaster. It took hard work, pain, and perseverance, but you ended up even better than where you started. No one else did it for you. You made that happen.
- habitue 6y agoThat's got to feel terrible. Hang in there
- kyleee 6y agoI am sorry. Have you seen your child? Please don't feel like your child left you. Your partner may have left but please keep your head up, for your sake and that of your newborn
- helsinki 6y agoThank you. Unfortunately. I have not seen her since :(
- valuearb 6y agoSorry to hear that, I can promise you it will get better. The reason I know is that I was with my wife for 33 years, and out of the blue three months ago she said she wanted a divorce, that no counseling was possible and moved out. There are definitely stages, shock, denial, anger, acceptance. I tend to have one of each every day, but the amount of acceptance is growing.
- helsinki 6y agoThank you for your support. I am somewhere between denial and anger, I think. We will get through it.
- ponker 6y agoI hope you’re lawyered up and ready for a fight for your daughter. Good luck, god knows you’ll need it.
- deleted 6y ago[deleted]
- helsinki 6y agoWe are both very lawyered up. It’s such a goddamn shame. This whole incident has already cost us, at least, $30,000 and we’re just getting started.
- ponker 6y agoI hope that you get her, when you do, don't tell her what a piece of shit her mother is. Don't burden your daughter with that, shoulder it yourself.
- deathgrips 6y agoIn hindsight, were there any signs?
- helsinki 6y agoYeah, definitely signs, but who would expect small signals to explode into disaster so quickly after our baby’s birth? We really fucked up.
- deathgrips 6y agoWould you mind sharing some for the benefit of other married readers?
- gldnspud 6y agoThere is a LOT that happens psychologically to both parents immediately after birth, especially mothers, and some of it can seem insurmountable at first. Postpartum depression (and other conditions) are no joke. My sincerest condolences, and best wishes for an outcome that is in your child’s best interest. I hope you and your partner also get any help you need beyond the legal aspects of your situation. Don’t be afraid to seek help!
- colordrops 6y agoExcuse the blunt question, but are you certain it's your daughter?
- Yoofie 6y agoShouldn't this be considered kidnapping?
- t0mbstone 6y agoYes
- oceanghost 6y agoHi boss, as counter-intuitive as it may seem-- this is pretty normal. Once a woman has a baby, the calculus of the marriage changes enormously. Through divorce, she will be entitled to child support, alimony, and she has now reproduced, and may want to take that child to a higher status male. What I'd like to tell you is, things will eventually get better. What you're describing happened to me but more at like T+nine-months. I had supported my wife for a decade and caught her cheating. That's, normal. Sadly. Despite being my daughters primary caregiver, i wasn't able to see her for about 5 months due to the inequity of the court system. It was terrible, but I got through it, and she and I have a wonderful relationship now. Play the long game, worry about your welfare and your daughters first. And if you need advice or would like to talk, indicate so and I'll get you my contact info.