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Fuck, man. I felt like I just read my own blog post. I've been contemplating leaving for a long time, but I feel like somehow I'm the problem—like I can do some

Fuck, man. I felt like I just read my own blog post. I've been contemplating leaving for a long time, but I feel like somehow I'm the problem—like I can do something to fix this. I've got this chronic resistance to believe it's anyone else's problem which USUALLY serves me well and keeps me honest. Sometimes though it just makes me stay longer than I should. I feel so stagnant. My company has been bug-fixing non-stop for 6 months now. It's insanity.

brendt_gd 6y ago
Is it really a question of whose responsibility it is though? If you're feeling stuck, it's your right to find ways getting unstuck. If that means changing jobs, who can blame you? Unless you're a manager at your company it's not your responsibility to fix it.
- blitz_skull 6y ago
  No, it's not a question of whose responsibility it is—it's always leadership's responsibility. However, I have a tendency to think myself really smart and capable. Y'know——overconfident. And because of that, I try to offset it by refusing to believe it's anyone else's fault but mine. Like I mentioned, it helps keep me honest WITH MYSELF. Otherwise, I feel like I wouldn't have enough commitment to tackle hard tasks, I'd just chalk failure up to someone else, which is worse IMO. Anyway, my habit of keeping myself honest sometimes backfires and when it does it manifests as running my head into a brick wall over and over until I'm REALLY sure that I can't fix it. But... I think I'm about there in this instance. Other devs are noticing the same thing I'm noticing, so I feel like I've got good evidence that it's a fundamental leadership issue here.
sydneygarrett 6y ago
I see I'm not the only one in this special hell. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse. I'm on my way out now, thankfully.
- blitz_skull 6y ago
  Heh, well it makes ME feel better that I'm not the only one! What area of software do you work in? (I'm assuming software here, which may be false)
outtatime 6y ago
This goes against prevailing SV ideology, but man, it's just a job. Don't ruin your health or wellbeing for a company that would fire you in a heartbeat if it made economic or political sense. Commit to your family, your friends, your hobbies, and charity. Don't commit so hard to a job, because ultimately it's a business transaction. Companies _will_ take advantage of your good will if you let them. Don't give them that opportunity. You owe them nothing beyond what you agreed to in your employment contract.
- blitz_skull 6y ago
  Yeah, you've got a good point. I've been trying to focus on stressing less recently especially over my job. I'm just a super type-A, "wanna make an impact" kinda guy and I know this sounds dumb but I feel like I'm letting mental weakness "win" if I don't tough it out. Just writing it out, I know it sounds nonsensical. I guess I just want to make sure things are good and thoroughly fucked before I bail, you know? ha

brendt_gd 6y ago

Is it really a question of whose responsibility it is though? If you're feeling stuck, it's your right to find ways getting unstuck. If that means changing jobs, who can blame you? Unless you're a manager at your company it's not your responsibility to fix it.

blitz_skull 6y ago
No, it's not a question of whose responsibility it is—it's always leadership's responsibility. However, I have a tendency to think myself really smart and capable. Y'know——overconfident. And because of that, I try to offset it by refusing to believe it's anyone else's fault but mine. Like I mentioned, it helps keep me honest WITH MYSELF. Otherwise, I feel like I wouldn't have enough commitment to tackle hard tasks, I'd just chalk failure up to someone else, which is worse IMO. Anyway, my habit of keeping myself honest sometimes backfires and when it does it manifests as running my head into a brick wall over and over until I'm REALLY sure that I can't fix it. But... I think I'm about there in this instance. Other devs are noticing the same thing I'm noticing, so I feel like I've got good evidence that it's a fundamental leadership issue here.

sydneygarrett 6y ago

I see I'm not the only one in this special hell. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse. I'm on my way out now, thankfully.

blitz_skull 6y ago
Heh, well it makes ME feel better that I'm not the only one! What area of software do you work in? (I'm assuming software here, which may be false)

outtatime 6y ago

This goes against prevailing SV ideology, but man, it's just a job. Don't ruin your health or wellbeing for a company that would fire you in a heartbeat if it made economic or political sense. Commit to your family, your friends, your hobbies, and charity. Don't commit so hard to a job, because ultimately it's a business transaction. Companies _will_ take advantage of your good will if you let them. Don't give them that opportunity. You owe them nothing beyond what you agreed to in your employment contract.

blitz_skull 6y ago
Yeah, you've got a good point. I've been trying to focus on stressing less recently especially over my job. I'm just a super type-A, "wanna make an impact" kinda guy and I know this sounds dumb but I feel like I'm letting mental weakness "win" if I don't tough it out. Just writing it out, I know it sounds nonsensical. I guess I just want to make sure things are good and thoroughly fucked before I bail, you know? ha