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check this post out: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24182426 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24182426 Long short of my existential crisis when I pon

check this post out: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24182426 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24182426 Long short of my existential crisis when I pondered the exact same. Late 40's and a newborn is super super hard. I realize it really comes down to state of your life, your partner and your extended family. You absolutely need support. Not even to question that. If no support then a fulltime nanny to help. I'm a fulltime dad, quit my fulltime when my now 1.5yr was born. Not really by choice but a necessity as we have no local support, especially with the pandemic. I will need go back to work. My wife works fulltime so I get up at 6a and goto bed at 1a daily. If you're happy with where you are and where you're headed i.e. retire AND you're absolutely in stride with your partner. Then you should, else I wouldn't. I never knew family. Grew up abused and alone so never had a family feeling. A child is a love hate relationship that has no recourse. the infamous commercial where a sick dad opens the door to his child and asks for a sick day? Yea, it can't happen. no matter what your mood is or what your current beef is with your significant other and boy..you don't know what a fight is until there is a child. you better learn to get over it quickly. Lastly, you absolutely will LOSE your previous life. There isn't a part of it you can retain. It's gone....period. You will need to forge a new life. Fun romcom to watch that can give you an absolute realistic even though fictional movie is: Life as we know it https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1055292/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1 https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1055292/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1 PS> I'm going to blog about this because its actually bullsh*t that there isn't answers to some basic questions about parenting. Most of what you read, reads like a marketing fluff for a blender. An article I ran into recently worth reading: https://www.scarymommy.com/okay-not-to-love-every-second-life-as-a-mom/ https://www.scarymommy.com/okay-not-to-love-every-second-lif... PPS> Join a dad's group and seek the same. It's a shame men don't have the balls to ask for advice and help...unlike you.

daenz 6y ago
Thanks for your post. I took a look at your other comment too and it was very insightful. I think we're going to look into Big Brothers/Sisters as well when COVID starts to clear up...maybe it will inspire us one way or another, or maybe it will fulfill the parenting need completely. >Lastly, you absolutely will LOSE your previous life. There isn't a part of it you can retain. It's gone....period. This is probably the biggest challenge against the idea of having children. We both like our lives and hobbies...a lot (we make work together as well). It's part of our identity, so the thought of giving it up is very difficult to entertain. It feels selfish, but it's who we are.
- RemingtonLak 6y ago
  I wouldn't consider yourself selfish by not having a child. Bringing in a child into this world is simply contributing to society, but then you can do that in many other selfless ways. But I feel there will be a personal sacrifice by not having a child. I consider myself a loner beside loving my wife, I have no reason to leave a legacy. However, there is something to be said to share your life, experiences and knowledge with someone who can benefit. Passing that to someone is rewarding for sure i.e. Big Brothers, bt there is something more, something special if it is your own flesh and blood. Something very innate. Lastly, typically you and your spouse will most likely die separately. Even with families close by, there is nothing like knowing your own flesh and blood will be there. The inherent trust and bond is undeniable. >>Lastly, you absolutely will LOSE your previous life. There isn't a part of it you can retain. It's gone....period. Little overly stated since my son needs me 24/7 now. However, overtime, he'll need this space and my wife and I may be able to get back to where we were. Of course one factor to consider is age so this is where having your child at an earlier age has it's advantages. So truly get back to where we were will most likely be based on your age.

daenz 6y ago

Thanks for your post. I took a look at your other comment too and it was very insightful. I think we're going to look into Big Brothers/Sisters as well when COVID starts to clear up...maybe it will inspire us one way or another, or maybe it will fulfill the parenting need completely. >Lastly, you absolutely will LOSE your previous life. There isn't a part of it you can retain. It's gone....period. This is probably the biggest challenge against the idea of having children. We both like our lives and hobbies...a lot (we make work together as well). It's part of our identity, so the thought of giving it up is very difficult to entertain. It feels selfish, but it's who we are.

RemingtonLak 6y ago
I wouldn't consider yourself selfish by not having a child. Bringing in a child into this world is simply contributing to society, but then you can do that in many other selfless ways. But I feel there will be a personal sacrifice by not having a child. I consider myself a loner beside loving my wife, I have no reason to leave a legacy. However, there is something to be said to share your life, experiences and knowledge with someone who can benefit. Passing that to someone is rewarding for sure i.e. Big Brothers, bt there is something more, something special if it is your own flesh and blood. Something very innate. Lastly, typically you and your spouse will most likely die separately. Even with families close by, there is nothing like knowing your own flesh and blood will be there. The inherent trust and bond is undeniable. >>Lastly, you absolutely will LOSE your previous life. There isn't a part of it you can retain. It's gone....period. Little overly stated since my son needs me 24/7 now. However, overtime, he'll need this space and my wife and I may be able to get back to where we were. Of course one factor to consider is age so this is where having your child at an earlier age has it's advantages. So truly get back to where we were will most likely be based on your age.