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It is comforting to believe that none of the people you've worked with would ever do anything like this. It is also probably incorrect. People are usually not

It is comforting to believe that none of the people you've worked with would ever do anything like this. It is also probably incorrect. People are usually not very open about their bad behavior, and if they were, that would say much about their perception of you. I worked with a drug addict who had, more than once, shot up while in the office. I only learned this after he died of an overdose. When I expressed my shock at his use of drugs, several other employees expressed their shock at my shock. It turned out that those of us who were known for smoking a lot of weed had some knowledge of his drug use, while those of us he perceived as squares had no clue at all. So kudos for being the kind of person the nasty abusers don't want to tip their hand to, but don't assume you haven't worked with nasty abusers.

appleflaxen 6y ago
Of course it's possible, just as it's possible for someone to be an abusive partner when their conduct at work with colleagues is normal. But what do you do with that information? What is the action you want from this? Because it seems like the only thing I can do is make it clear it's not tolerated, which seems a little... bizarre... given that it's not happening. Let's all be mindful, aware, and empathetic. But saying they are "on my team" is an unhelpful assertion with neither evidence nor utility in solving this social phenomenon.
- pwinnski 6y ago
  Your initial comment was very dismissive, and I believe you erred in your assumptions. So one action I would want is for people to not be so dismissive when you hear about the very real and very widespread experiences of victims of online abuse. > No normal adult with a job, maybe a family, maybe a pet, and a million other things to do has time for this. They are either children, or bitter social and emotional pariahs. This is provably untrue, and that bad assumption is driving you to miss out on opportunities to be mindful, aware, and empathetic. So please, try to actually be mindful, aware, and empathetic. Thanks.
- BTCOG 6y ago
  That is where she goes really wonky with the white supremacy bit and "Fix this shit these are your devs/employees" like what is any manager to do? Go home with people and do a deep seated documentary on each employee, pry into their personal lives and attempt to root out anyone with ideology that she doesn't like? It's fine to not like bigotry and racism, however it's not fine to tell everyone else what they can think or believe. Huge issue right now. You cannot legislate morality. Period.

appleflaxen 6y ago

Of course it's possible, just as it's possible for someone to be an abusive partner when their conduct at work with colleagues is normal. But what do you do with that information? What is the action you want from this? Because it seems like the only thing I can do is make it clear it's not tolerated, which seems a little... bizarre... given that it's not happening. Let's all be mindful, aware, and empathetic. But saying they are "on my team" is an unhelpful assertion with neither evidence nor utility in solving this social phenomenon.

pwinnski 6y ago
Your initial comment was very dismissive, and I believe you erred in your assumptions. So one action I would want is for people to not be so dismissive when you hear about the very real and very widespread experiences of victims of online abuse. > No normal adult with a job, maybe a family, maybe a pet, and a million other things to do has time for this. They are either children, or bitter social and emotional pariahs. This is provably untrue, and that bad assumption is driving you to miss out on opportunities to be mindful, aware, and empathetic. So please, try to actually be mindful, aware, and empathetic. Thanks.
BTCOG 6y ago
That is where she goes really wonky with the white supremacy bit and "Fix this shit these are your devs/employees" like what is any manager to do? Go home with people and do a deep seated documentary on each employee, pry into their personal lives and attempt to root out anyone with ideology that she doesn't like? It's fine to not like bigotry and racism, however it's not fine to tell everyone else what they can think or believe. Huge issue right now. You cannot legislate morality. Period.