I like Adam Smith's version in The Theory of Moral Sentiment. People want to be loved and to be worthy of love. People will act if they think they're actions

I like Adam Smith's version in The Theory of Moral Sentiment. People want to be loved and to be worthy of love. People will act if they think they're actions will promote both of those things. It kind of gets at the limitations of flattery too - people will re-act positively up to a point (they want to be loved and what's flattery if not a declaration of love?) but if they suspect that they're not worthy of the love being offered then they'll reject it. Guilt trips are frequently the reverse of that. They put too much emphasis on what it takes to be worthy of love but not enough that doing whatever if it is will cause the person to be loved. But then again if you believe someone is doing something wrong it's possible you might make that person understand they're doing something wrong - it's a lot harder to convince them you'll like them for not doing it. People understand resentment too much I think.