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Once again modern psychology confirms the intuitive wisdom of Dale Carnegie. The very first maxim in How to Win Friends and Influence People is "don't criticize
by dcolkitt 6y ago
Once again modern psychology confirms the intuitive wisdom of Dale Carnegie. The very first maxim in How to Win Friends and Influence People is "don't criticize, condemn of complain". And the reason for this:
"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity..."
- ianai 6y agoNot totally comfortable discussing that book in this context. It seems that book is very much about manipulation though I admittedly haven’t read it completely. But yes if even it points out that guilt should be used sparingly and only for very good reasons that reinforces the concept.
- hackeraccount 6y agoI like Adam Smith's version in The Theory of Moral Sentiment. People want to be loved and to be worthy of love. People will act if they think they're actions will promote both of those things. It kind of gets at the limitations of flattery too - people will re-act positively up to a point (they want to be loved and what's flattery if not a declaration of love?) but if they suspect that they're not worthy of the love being offered then they'll reject it. Guilt trips are frequently the reverse of that. They put too much emphasis on what it takes to be worthy of love but not enough that doing whatever if it is will cause the person to be loved. But then again if you believe someone is doing something wrong it's possible you might make that person understand they're doing something wrong - it's a lot harder to convince them you'll like them for not doing it. People understand resentment too much I think.