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Yeah but that doesn't mean rush to have kids right...? Because then the best path would be to have kids at like 25, which prob isn't the best way to happiness.

names_are_hard 6y ago
I suspect that the best way to happiness is not to seek it. All the people I know that married young and had kids at 20 years old didn't do it because they thought it would make them happy, they did it because they don't use "happiness" as the north star that guides their decisions. They are from a different culture and religion and have a different value system, one that doesn't consider an action's impact on their happiness to be a winning argument for or against. Are they happy? I don't know, and it doesn't really matter because it isn't really the goal, but if I had to guess I'd say they're happier than I am. I don't think I'm the first to realize that happiness visits those who stop looking for it. The challenge is that you have to really stop looking, not pretend to ignore it while you constantly peek over your shoulder to see if it isn't just about to finally show up.
- throw51319 6y ago
  Yeah, you're right. I guess there is a fine line between "just do it" and "measure twice, cut once". Of course you can just put your head down and follow the traditional path, and end up fine - with kids, house, etc. But was that the path best for you? Was it the most fulfilling path? Shouldn't overthink that, but also should spend some effort to think about it.
apetresc 6y ago
Uh, yes? 25 is certainly not ahead of schedule for having kids. By 30 there start to be physical risks.
- throw51319 6y ago
  Not for a guy. Plus you can marry girls like 3-7 years younger.
frosted-flakes 6y ago
25 is not a young age at which to start having kids. If there's stable household income and essential needs are being met, by all means, have kids at 20 if that's what both partners want.

names_are_hard 6y ago

I suspect that the best way to happiness is not to seek it. All the people I know that married young and had kids at 20 years old didn't do it because they thought it would make them happy, they did it because they don't use "happiness" as the north star that guides their decisions. They are from a different culture and religion and have a different value system, one that doesn't consider an action's impact on their happiness to be a winning argument for or against. Are they happy? I don't know, and it doesn't really matter because it isn't really the goal, but if I had to guess I'd say they're happier than I am. I don't think I'm the first to realize that happiness visits those who stop looking for it. The challenge is that you have to really stop looking, not pretend to ignore it while you constantly peek over your shoulder to see if it isn't just about to finally show up.

throw51319 6y ago
Yeah, you're right. I guess there is a fine line between "just do it" and "measure twice, cut once". Of course you can just put your head down and follow the traditional path, and end up fine - with kids, house, etc. But was that the path best for you? Was it the most fulfilling path? Shouldn't overthink that, but also should spend some effort to think about it.

apetresc 6y ago

Uh, yes? 25 is certainly not ahead of schedule for having kids. By 30 there start to be physical risks.

throw51319 6y ago
Not for a guy. Plus you can marry girls like 3-7 years younger.

frosted-flakes 6y ago

25 is not a young age at which to start having kids. If there's stable household income and essential needs are being met, by all means, have kids at 20 if that's what both partners want.