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And even if your marry the “right” person, no one stays the same. In a few years, you’ll both be different. Marriage and Time changes all things. This is why t

And even if your marry the “right” person, no one stays the same. In a few years, you’ll both be different. Marriage and Time changes all things. This is why the foundation of marriage is a commitment. Love is a choice, not a feeling.

randomsearch 6y ago
> Love is a choice, not a feeling. Romantic love is not a conscious choice. It's hormonal. Sounds like you've never been in love.
- jasonlfunk 6y ago
  > Sounds like you've never been in love. Sounds like you've never been married. ;) Of course I'm not talking about hormonal attraction/desire. But that's the whole point. If you base a marriage on hormones, it's going to be very starting when you wake up one day and the hormones are gone. What happens then? You break up and move on to the next temporary hormonal ride? Or you realize that hormones come and go, and the only thing that you can you truly promise is a commitment. True love, a love that lasts, the only love that really matters, is a choice.
  - deleted 6y ago
    [deleted]
  - randomsearch 6y ago
    Haha touche! Want to correct you on something - which you might find uplifting. "Love" is hormonal, and at first is indeed the intense desire and attraction that you're thinking of. That stage lasts for about 6-18 months and is caused by a couple of hormones, which inhibit critical thought (love is blind, etc) and cause separation anxiety. After that period, those hormones fade (the honeymoon ends) and often a new hormone is released, which is more of a "long-lasting bond" hormone, that contributes again to separation anxiety. That hormone can go long-term, and I guess is an important part of shared child-rearing. So, first point is that the hormones aren't all about lust or intense attraction, but also about bonding and long-term relationships. The next, rather lovely, point, is that the process that leads to you "fall in love" in the first place can actually re-occur during your relationship, so you can have more honeymoons later in life. I think that's wonderful. Returning to the choice... I think you need both head and heart, both the conscious commitment and realism you're espousing but also the spark. That's why I'm very keen on exiting the honeymoon period before making any decisions, and equally keen on "if it doesn't feel right, don't do it." You might choose not to go with a spark, that could well be a legitimate approach, but I don't know how well that works - you're going to be fighting your hormones all the way if you meet someone else and have feelings about them you've never had for your current partner. Professionals tell me that that spark matters.

randomsearch 6y ago

> Love is a choice, not a feeling. Romantic love is not a conscious choice. It's hormonal. Sounds like you've never been in love.

jasonlfunk 6y ago
> Sounds like you've never been in love. Sounds like you've never been married. ;) Of course I'm not talking about hormonal attraction/desire. But that's the whole point. If you base a marriage on hormones, it's going to be very starting when you wake up one day and the hormones are gone. What happens then? You break up and move on to the next temporary hormonal ride? Or you realize that hormones come and go, and the only thing that you can you truly promise is a commitment. True love, a love that lasts, the only love that really matters, is a choice.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
- randomsearch 6y ago
  Haha touche! Want to correct you on something - which you might find uplifting. "Love" is hormonal, and at first is indeed the intense desire and attraction that you're thinking of. That stage lasts for about 6-18 months and is caused by a couple of hormones, which inhibit critical thought (love is blind, etc) and cause separation anxiety. After that period, those hormones fade (the honeymoon ends) and often a new hormone is released, which is more of a "long-lasting bond" hormone, that contributes again to separation anxiety. That hormone can go long-term, and I guess is an important part of shared child-rearing. So, first point is that the hormones aren't all about lust or intense attraction, but also about bonding and long-term relationships. The next, rather lovely, point, is that the process that leads to you "fall in love" in the first place can actually re-occur during your relationship, so you can have more honeymoons later in life. I think that's wonderful. Returning to the choice... I think you need both head and heart, both the conscious commitment and realism you're espousing but also the spark. That's why I'm very keen on exiting the honeymoon period before making any decisions, and equally keen on "if it doesn't feel right, don't do it." You might choose not to go with a spark, that could well be a legitimate approach, but I don't know how well that works - you're going to be fighting your hormones all the way if you meet someone else and have feelings about them you've never had for your current partner. Professionals tell me that that spark matters.