5 ms·

I don't get how someone can get so annoyed at what is just basic politeness. Clearly, computers are making some folks insane

kbutler 6y ago
Trouble is it is impoliteness. Q: Are you listening? A: Yes Q: A: ? Q: [typing] Politeness would be preparing what you're going to ask me before requesting my attention.
blkhp19 6y ago
The author doesn't seem to be that annoyed, they're just trying to make life easier for themselves and others. It's equally polite to say "Hello" and type the question in the same message. Do you genuinely not see how saying "Hello" first, which for many people forces them to lose concentration as they mentally prepare to be asked a question, is worse? The author provides multiple, equally polite examples that respect people's desire to politely greet others and respects the concentration of the receiver.
twodave 6y ago
I think the point is that basic politeness involves not appearances of being polite, but rather thinking of the other person, their time, and how you would feel if the roles were reversed. I do agree though that going as far as to register a domain for this one social quirk is a bit much.
- dredmorbius 6y ago
  basic politeness involves not appearances of being polite, but rather thinking of the other person THIS!!! I have the unfortunate experience of somewhat regularly engaging with people who: 1. Act in a manner / do something they think the other party should appreciate, where 2. The other party does not in fact appreciate this, and is often burdened, bothered, or inconvenienced. 3. When informed of this, the first party both accuses the second that they are ungrateful (for not actually being helped) and controlling (for expressing alternate preferences, including often no assistance). The cycle can reepeat, over precisely the same exchanges, repeatedly and over long periods. Small children not knowing better is excusable. Adults not so much. Kindness and consideration are not forcing your preferences down another's throat (exceptions for specific therapeutic expertise and treatment), but in offering to someone that which they express a preference for or interest in. So long as this isn't actively acutely harmful, one should oblige, aand graciously. Keep in mind that "where the roles reversed" may not be a reliable guide. It's not what you would want, but what they prefer. This lesson seems poorly assimilated by many.
wccrawford 6y ago
What's polite in verbal conversation is not necessarily what's polite in realtime text communication. For texting, requesting someone's attention and then wasting their time is rude. Get to the point quicker.
syshum 6y ago
politeness is also not wasting my time.... I have a limited amount of it Good: Hello, can you help me with <<<explain the problem or request>>> Bad: Hello.. <<wait for response>> Chat is more like email, less like phone call treat it as such
- jodrellblank 6y ago
  politeness is also not wasting their time for the same reason. If you aren't there or aren't willing to respond, why make them type a huge question before they can learn that?
hombre_fatal 6y ago
It's not more polite to wait for the other person to go through a hi-hi handshake process to make sure you have their full attention before just asking your question in async communication. If anything, people are trying to port their face to face comforts to digital async communication where it doesn't make sense and has the opposite effect. Though I'd argue that the "how are you" frivolity that nobody takes serious doesn't make much sense face to face either. So it's only doubly unnecessary when you make someone go through that in a work Slack setting before they can unlock when you're actually pinging them about. It's quite impolite once you think about it. Respect other people's time and get on with it. Every time you ping someone, realize you may be interrupting them, so get to the point in as few pings as possible. You call it insane, but it's actually common sense once you think about it.
meowface 6y ago
You can add the niceties all in the same message, as the website describes. The initial message can contain the greeting, the hedging about not wanting to bother someone, and also the specific question and details, and any other needed information (error message, traceback, whatever). So much time is saved by just including it all in one message, separated with newlines where needed.
tdeck 6y ago
It can definitely be annoying because sometimes the latency is long. For example, I may be in another window and not see the "hey" right away. When I reply, I may wait half an hour for the person to explain why they messaged me, but I won't know how long I'll wait when sending my reply. I don't think it's a problem if someone says hi, then immediately types their question. But if they wait for an ack it can be kinda silly.

kbutler 6y ago

Trouble is it is impoliteness. Q: Are you listening? A: Yes Q: A: ? Q: [typing] Politeness would be preparing what you're going to ask me before requesting my attention.

blkhp19 6y ago

The author doesn't seem to be that annoyed, they're just trying to make life easier for themselves and others. It's equally polite to say "Hello" and type the question in the same message. Do you genuinely not see how saying "Hello" first, which for many people forces them to lose concentration as they mentally prepare to be asked a question, is worse? The author provides multiple, equally polite examples that respect people's desire to politely greet others and respects the concentration of the receiver.

twodave 6y ago

I think the point is that basic politeness involves not appearances of being polite, but rather thinking of the other person, their time, and how you would feel if the roles were reversed. I do agree though that going as far as to register a domain for this one social quirk is a bit much.

dredmorbius 6y ago
basic politeness involves not appearances of being polite, but rather thinking of the other person THIS!!! I have the unfortunate experience of somewhat regularly engaging with people who: 1. Act in a manner / do something they think the other party should appreciate, where 2. The other party does not in fact appreciate this, and is often burdened, bothered, or inconvenienced. 3. When informed of this, the first party both accuses the second that they are ungrateful (for not actually being helped) and controlling (for expressing alternate preferences, including often no assistance). The cycle can reepeat, over precisely the same exchanges, repeatedly and over long periods. Small children not knowing better is excusable. Adults not so much. Kindness and consideration are not forcing your preferences down another's throat (exceptions for specific therapeutic expertise and treatment), but in offering to someone that which they express a preference for or interest in. So long as this isn't actively acutely harmful, one should oblige, aand graciously. Keep in mind that "where the roles reversed" may not be a reliable guide. It's not what you would want, but what they prefer. This lesson seems poorly assimilated by many.

wccrawford 6y ago

What's polite in verbal conversation is not necessarily what's polite in realtime text communication. For texting, requesting someone's attention and then wasting their time is rude. Get to the point quicker.

syshum 6y ago

politeness is also not wasting my time.... I have a limited amount of it Good: Hello, can you help me with <<<explain the problem or request>>> Bad: Hello.. <<wait for response>> Chat is more like email, less like phone call treat it as such

jodrellblank 6y ago
politeness is also not wasting their time for the same reason. If you aren't there or aren't willing to respond, why make them type a huge question before they can learn that?

hombre_fatal 6y ago

It's not more polite to wait for the other person to go through a hi-hi handshake process to make sure you have their full attention before just asking your question in async communication. If anything, people are trying to port their face to face comforts to digital async communication where it doesn't make sense and has the opposite effect. Though I'd argue that the "how are you" frivolity that nobody takes serious doesn't make much sense face to face either. So it's only doubly unnecessary when you make someone go through that in a work Slack setting before they can unlock when you're actually pinging them about. It's quite impolite once you think about it. Respect other people's time and get on with it. Every time you ping someone, realize you may be interrupting them, so get to the point in as few pings as possible. You call it insane, but it's actually common sense once you think about it.

meowface 6y ago

You can add the niceties all in the same message, as the website describes. The initial message can contain the greeting, the hedging about not wanting to bother someone, and also the specific question and details, and any other needed information (error message, traceback, whatever). So much time is saved by just including it all in one message, separated with newlines where needed.

tdeck 6y ago

It can definitely be annoying because sometimes the latency is long. For example, I may be in another window and not see the "hey" right away. When I reply, I may wait half an hour for the person to explain why they messaged me, but I won't know how long I'll wait when sending my reply. I don't think it's a problem if someone says hi, then immediately types their question. But if they wait for an ack it can be kinda silly.