4 ms·

>All of these comments make me think HN has never interacted with a 5 year old. Your comment makes me think that you've never interacted with an East Asian 5 y

>All of these comments make me think HN has never interacted with a 5 year old. Your comment makes me think that you've never interacted with an East Asian 5 year old. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for; long before they take their first steps, they've started decoding the incentive structures around them. Western kids live in a weird bubble that is totally devoid of any meaningful agency, so they act like bored inmates. That behaviour isn't innate, it's a consequence of the environment we've created for children. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_du-wUJPFWQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_du-wUJPFWQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7YrN8Q2PDU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7YrN8Q2PDU

Fezzik 6y ago
Or French (https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/people/why-are-french-children-better-behaved-1.2231131?mode=amp https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/people/why-are-fre...). Or German, or Spanish (from first hand experience). The idea that every fit a child has is a real existential crisis is uniquely American as far as I can tell. Having lived in both Spain and Germany, in native homes with children... parents there “train” their children as mini-adults far better than parents do stateside. I wish I could pinpoint exactly why, but I can’t, even though it is obvious if you travel even a slight amount.
- piva00 6y ago
  At least here in Sweden I can see parents treating their kids much more like people than just some annoyance that needs to be told what to do or want. It's on the basic day-to-day interactions, kids asking for something in the grocery store or in a restaurant and having a dialogue why they want it and why they can or cannot have it right now, in a way you'd tell another adult (with reservations about vocabulary and complexity of the message). There is a much more trusting relationship between parent and child from what I see, not one of ownership or overprotection. Kids are people and are treated and talked to like that regarding their needs, desires, etc.
  - kazen44 6y ago
    the idea that people do not treat their children as other people seems so bizarre to me. I get it, kids can be annoying and drive you mad, but giving them appropriate responsible (this depends on the age ofcourse) and discourse seems like one if not the major task you have as a parent.
  - chrisjs96 6y ago
    I'm reading the book called unconditional parenting and it teaches a lot of this. It has an amazing effect on my 4 year old. You just literally tell them stuff and ask stuff like you would a friend or another adult. It works great. Other than that we kind of let him do things that he wants and as long as the potential danger isn't death we don't intervene.
- dj_mc_merlin 6y ago
  I live in Germany and was speaking from experience.
kleiba 6y ago
Western kids live in a weird bubble that is totally devoid of any meaningful agency, so they act like bored inmates. Seriously?
- jdietrich 6y ago
  Yes. Just like adults, kids thrive on meaning - having a role to play, being useful, seeing the impact they have on the world. Kids very quickly figure out the difference between real responsibility and make-work and act accordingly. Our beliefs about the abilities of children are powerful self-fulfilling prophecies.

Fezzik 6y ago

Or French (https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/people/why-are-french-children-better-behaved-1.2231131?mode=amp https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/people/why-are-fre...). Or German, or Spanish (from first hand experience). The idea that every fit a child has is a real existential crisis is uniquely American as far as I can tell. Having lived in both Spain and Germany, in native homes with children... parents there “train” their children as mini-adults far better than parents do stateside. I wish I could pinpoint exactly why, but I can’t, even though it is obvious if you travel even a slight amount.

piva00 6y ago
At least here in Sweden I can see parents treating their kids much more like people than just some annoyance that needs to be told what to do or want. It's on the basic day-to-day interactions, kids asking for something in the grocery store or in a restaurant and having a dialogue why they want it and why they can or cannot have it right now, in a way you'd tell another adult (with reservations about vocabulary and complexity of the message). There is a much more trusting relationship between parent and child from what I see, not one of ownership or overprotection. Kids are people and are treated and talked to like that regarding their needs, desires, etc.
- kazen44 6y ago
  the idea that people do not treat their children as other people seems so bizarre to me. I get it, kids can be annoying and drive you mad, but giving them appropriate responsible (this depends on the age ofcourse) and discourse seems like one if not the major task you have as a parent.
- chrisjs96 6y ago
  I'm reading the book called unconditional parenting and it teaches a lot of this. It has an amazing effect on my 4 year old. You just literally tell them stuff and ask stuff like you would a friend or another adult. It works great. Other than that we kind of let him do things that he wants and as long as the potential danger isn't death we don't intervene.
dj_mc_merlin 6y ago
I live in Germany and was speaking from experience.

kleiba 6y ago

Western kids live in a weird bubble that is totally devoid of any meaningful agency, so they act like bored inmates. Seriously?

jdietrich 6y ago
Yes. Just like adults, kids thrive on meaning - having a role to play, being useful, seeing the impact they have on the world. Kids very quickly figure out the difference between real responsibility and make-work and act accordingly. Our beliefs about the abilities of children are powerful self-fulfilling prophecies.