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My wife has a masters degree in marriage and family therapy. We have been to so many marriage therapists. It's expensive but cheaper than the alternative. Just
by dr_dshiv 6y ago
My wife has a masters degree in marriage and family therapy. We have been to so many marriage therapists. It's expensive but cheaper than the alternative. Just be deliberate about what you want from each session so it doesn't turn into expensive fighting.
I recently went vegan (for her) but with exceptions for when she would get angry at me. It was amazing. Instead of my blood starting to boil when her voice would raise, my mouth would start to water. Now, I've never eaten so many steaks. (And she is much more aware of her anger)
- watwut 6y agoSo you are motivated to make her angry, because then you have steak? And you two use food for you to punish her having emotion? I am no psychological expert nor expert in family therapy, but is that all really healthy? I mean physically healthy too ... diet based on somebody elses emotions sounds fishe.
- dr_dshiv 6y agoSteak isn't worth her being angry. It isn't a punishment for her, unless demonstrating my autonomy in eating choices could be construed as a punishment. She proposed the idea. The concept is just to break out of automatic feedback loops of negative emotions by embedding a positive anticipation. I'm not recommending this to others. But I do recommend a good steak every week or two on a vegan diet.
- ampersandy 6y agoOh, so it's more of a "I know she's mad at me now, but we're going to resolve this conflict and in the end I get a delicious steak", which motivates you to work on fixing whatever made her mad. Is that it?
- dr_dshiv 6y agoI can't fix what makes her mad. She just sometimes gets mad.
- lifeisstillgood 6y agopresumably this is why "make-up sex" is a thing - both parties know that if they argue and resolve the conflict they go to bed right after?
- mlang23 6y agoSorry, but this sounds like unhealthy to me. The day I need an external person to deal with the arguments in our relationship is the day I end that relationship. There are many females on this planet. No need to bend over backwards to make one particular relationship work.
- dr_dshiv 6y agoHahahahahaha good luck
- mlang23 6y agoThanks. Regarding relationships, I have all the luck I need. Setting boundaries for what is acceptable and healthy was one of the most important things in my life. Actually, I feel sorry for you since you seem to think you have to tolerate certain behaviour just because, yeah, actually, why?
- colordrops 6y agoYour kids would be happy to see you bend your back a little.
- mlang23 6y agoHave you ever had to watch your parents fight over nonsense? Nope, sorry, I disagree. Why should kids be any happier if their parents stay together and fight all the time?
- colordrops 6y agoMy point was to stay together and do work to stop the fighting. Staying together and fighting all the time wouldn't be "bending over backwards".
- slim 6y agoBecause children make life enjoyable with your partner half the time, so you're in a dilemma : stay for the good half or quit for the bad half. Then you stay because maybe you can fix the bad half, and why not try getting help from someone. It's worth it. Even getting from good 50%/50% bad to 55%/45% is worth it.
- hedberg10 6y agoDo you yourself want to be vegan if your wife wasn't there? Might explain why you need marriage therapy. Be yourself first. After doing that, maybe you're attractive enough to attract a mate, maybe even your wife. Don't do it the other way around. Don't be a doormat.
- FriendlyNormie 6y agoI’m bookmarking your comment so if I’m ever having a bad day I can cheer myself up by reminding myself that I’m not married to your wife.