5 ms·

Even if you lose competing against the best, you're still better off than the ones not in the competition.

by welder 6y ago

01100011 6y ago
Better off in what sense? I think it depends on one's life goals and value system. I've seen people live amazingly fulfilling lives in flyover country while making average incomes, far better than an average income earner stuck in a big city.
- abellerose 6y ago
  I know living in a city contrary to living in the middle of nowhere really depends on how your kids will be. I would've preferred if I had been living in a city my whole life. Especially as a child to young adulthood. I did everything there is to do while not living in a city. The outdoors with being able to do whatever is nice but the social dynamic of a life in a city is hands down superior than anything imo. Something to consider as it can really be different per individual.
- welder 6y ago
  The average income earner could take savings and buy out the flyover people. The city benefits can be hard to quantify. Take quality of healthcare, which you can't be sure when you'll need. More often I see city people stay in the city, and instead just travel. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perpetual_traveler https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perpetual_traveler
- room500 6y ago
  Everyone has their own set of values - I don't judge your decisions at all in this case. However, to give some perspective, I grew up in a rural/suburban "flyover" town. There are parts of my childhood that I would love my own children to have - running outdoors, opportunities to try things without committing to the (sure, I'll sign up for the baseball team and see what happens), etc But what I realize that I missed was the knowledge of how big the world was. I thought going to the local state college was "making it." I didn't understand how the world worked or what was possible. I missed out on opportunities because I didn't realize that I should be looking for them. A great book on the subject is Hillbilly Elegy. It tracks closely with my own experiences (though I can say that I am fortunate to not have some of the challenges that the author faced). Based on my experiences, I have chosen to expose my children to the wide world of opportunities out there. Yes, I am terrified of the stress and anxiety that might accompany that, but I am also confident that it is what would set them up to be successful in this global society
  - 01100011 6y ago
    I grew up in an exburb of what, at the time, was a 3rd rate city so I sort of understand what you went through. That said, it wasn't hard for my family to expose me to big cities via travel. I definitely missed out on college prep, but that was a failure of my family's culture and not something I would blame on my location. I was actually able to rise to the top(state electronics competition) thanks to being a big fish in a small pond. In most major cities I never would have gotten that far. There's nothing about living in a smaller town that says you have to compromise the expectations you set for your kids. For some reason, native-born Americans often fall into that trap, while immigrant parents understand and push their children regardless. Moving outside of a major city isn't about completely giving up, its about choosing a different track for your life.
    - room500 6y ago
      That's a fair point. I think the impact that parents have is much larger than location. Period. I didn't mean to imply that big city = success, small town = giving up. My apologies if it came across that way My experience was that my parents didn't have the knowledge to know how to push (not their fault - their parents also didn't have that perspective). In small towns, unless you have parents showing you the world, it is hard to find it on your own
    - bradlys 6y ago
      > I grew up in an exburb of what, at the time, was a 3rd rate city so I sort of understand what you went through. That said, it wasn't hard for my family to expose me to big cities via travel. I definitely missed out on college prep, but that was a failure of my family's culture and not something I would blame on my location. I was actually able to rise to the top(state electronics competition) thanks to being a big fish in a small pond. In most major cities I never would have gotten that far. Your kids will be living a lonely lifestyle. People don't live in rural areas and still manage to do lots of travel, have a great education, and so forth. Your kids will be the exception... I grew up in smaller towns (4,000 7+ years, 5,000 6+ years, 20,000 3 years) that were 3+ hours from a major city. I had never even visited the city before I was 18 because my parents couldn't afford traveling. I don't think my experience was too uncommon. And education? Eh - real bad. At least in a major city you have a choice between a few schools and you could theoretically find a nice private school too. > But what I realize that I missed was the knowledge of how big the world was. I thought going to the local state college was "making it." I didn't understand how the world worked or what was possible. I missed out on opportunities because I didn't realize that I should be looking for them. This hits it on the head. If you grow up in a region without opportunity, you just don't know that it exists elsewhere. The biggest problem I had with living in rural areas was the lack of opportunity. I was always taking the most "advanced" classes - but at schools in cities - I found out I was barely keeping up. Even then, many classes weren't offered at my schools because there just wasn't the demand and/or sufficient funding (I went to an unusually poor school district - we only went to school 4 days a week because it was so poor). This translated to a very poor transition to entering a very competitive college and a very competitive city life. I grew up not having to work as hard to compete and then suddenly being wildly underprepared for the global market I was entering where most of the people I was working with were from wealthy families, grew up in major cities, and had a world class education at every stage of their life. It's not like all those people had horrible anxiety either... A lot of them were happy at all stages of their life. The ones with the anxiety I think were like me - ones who had never had this much competition and were feeling so far behind. Now I'm trying to make it but without all the background built up that would help me succeed. It's a lonely path that I don't know any doing on their own. I know one person from a similar background as mine and in the bay area but if they weren't married to an incredible human being - I don't know if they'd be here. Even then, they struggle and they feel it comes back to their more rural roots.

Even if you lose competing against the best, you're still better off than the ones not in the competition.

by welder 6y ago

Even if you lose competing against the best, you're still better off than the ones not in the competition.

Better off in what sense? I think it depends on one's life goals and value system. I've seen people live amazingly fulfilling lives in flyover country while making average incomes, far better than an average income earner stuck in a big city.

abellerose 6y ago
I know living in a city contrary to living in the middle of nowhere really depends on how your kids will be. I would've preferred if I had been living in a city my whole life. Especially as a child to young adulthood. I did everything there is to do while not living in a city. The outdoors with being able to do whatever is nice but the social dynamic of a life in a city is hands down superior than anything imo. Something to consider as it can really be different per individual.
welder 6y ago
The average income earner could take savings and buy out the flyover people. The city benefits can be hard to quantify. Take quality of healthcare, which you can't be sure when you'll need. More often I see city people stay in the city, and instead just travel. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perpetual_traveler https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perpetual_traveler
room500 6y ago
Everyone has their own set of values - I don't judge your decisions at all in this case. However, to give some perspective, I grew up in a rural/suburban "flyover" town. There are parts of my childhood that I would love my own children to have - running outdoors, opportunities to try things without committing to the (sure, I'll sign up for the baseball team and see what happens), etc But what I realize that I missed was the knowledge of how big the world was. I thought going to the local state college was "making it." I didn't understand how the world worked or what was possible. I missed out on opportunities because I didn't realize that I should be looking for them. A great book on the subject is Hillbilly Elegy. It tracks closely with my own experiences (though I can say that I am fortunate to not have some of the challenges that the author faced). Based on my experiences, I have chosen to expose my children to the wide world of opportunities out there. Yes, I am terrified of the stress and anxiety that might accompany that, but I am also confident that it is what would set them up to be successful in this global society
- 01100011 6y ago
  I grew up in an exburb of what, at the time, was a 3rd rate city so I sort of understand what you went through. That said, it wasn't hard for my family to expose me to big cities via travel. I definitely missed out on college prep, but that was a failure of my family's culture and not something I would blame on my location. I was actually able to rise to the top(state electronics competition) thanks to being a big fish in a small pond. In most major cities I never would have gotten that far. There's nothing about living in a smaller town that says you have to compromise the expectations you set for your kids. For some reason, native-born Americans often fall into that trap, while immigrant parents understand and push their children regardless. Moving outside of a major city isn't about completely giving up, its about choosing a different track for your life.
  - room500 6y ago
    That's a fair point. I think the impact that parents have is much larger than location. Period. I didn't mean to imply that big city = success, small town = giving up. My apologies if it came across that way My experience was that my parents didn't have the knowledge to know how to push (not their fault - their parents also didn't have that perspective). In small towns, unless you have parents showing you the world, it is hard to find it on your own
  - bradlys 6y ago
    > I grew up in an exburb of what, at the time, was a 3rd rate city so I sort of understand what you went through. That said, it wasn't hard for my family to expose me to big cities via travel. I definitely missed out on college prep, but that was a failure of my family's culture and not something I would blame on my location. I was actually able to rise to the top(state electronics competition) thanks to being a big fish in a small pond. In most major cities I never would have gotten that far. Your kids will be living a lonely lifestyle. People don't live in rural areas and still manage to do lots of travel, have a great education, and so forth. Your kids will be the exception... I grew up in smaller towns (4,000 7+ years, 5,000 6+ years, 20,000 3 years) that were 3+ hours from a major city. I had never even visited the city before I was 18 because my parents couldn't afford traveling. I don't think my experience was too uncommon. And education? Eh - real bad. At least in a major city you have a choice between a few schools and you could theoretically find a nice private school too. > But what I realize that I missed was the knowledge of how big the world was. I thought going to the local state college was "making it." I didn't understand how the world worked or what was possible. I missed out on opportunities because I didn't realize that I should be looking for them. This hits it on the head. If you grow up in a region without opportunity, you just don't know that it exists elsewhere. The biggest problem I had with living in rural areas was the lack of opportunity. I was always taking the most "advanced" classes - but at schools in cities - I found out I was barely keeping up. Even then, many classes weren't offered at my schools because there just wasn't the demand and/or sufficient funding (I went to an unusually poor school district - we only went to school 4 days a week because it was so poor). This translated to a very poor transition to entering a very competitive college and a very competitive city life. I grew up not having to work as hard to compete and then suddenly being wildly underprepared for the global market I was entering where most of the people I was working with were from wealthy families, grew up in major cities, and had a world class education at every stage of their life. It's not like all those people had horrible anxiety either... A lot of them were happy at all stages of their life. The ones with the anxiety I think were like me - ones who had never had this much competition and were feeling so far behind. Now I'm trying to make it but without all the background built up that would help me succeed. It's a lonely path that I don't know any doing on their own. I know one person from a similar background as mine and in the bay area but if they weren't married to an incredible human being - I don't know if they'd be here. Even then, they struggle and they feel it comes back to their more rural roots.