3 ms·

but why bother with gender at all in this case?

by fock 6y ago

Pfhreak 6y ago
The feeling of gender dysphoria is not a pleasant one. Coming to an understanding helped me rationalize and address my anxiety. Ultimately, gendered stuff is all around us and it is not so easy to "just not bother".
- fock 6y ago
  so you are a non-transsexual transgender? or did you transition to a suitable body? because yes, gendered stuff is all around us, but in most "though" cases, it mostly seems to relate to sex, because that's something which is easily determinable for a large fraction of human beings. So your problem was that other people didn't accept you for what you are: is this really different from society not accepting that you would like to have 5 wives, your parents wishing you to be a lawyer, whilst you want to be a shepherd or any other discrimination? Why do we have to divide people on a spectrum (which also suggests that personality is a measurable, which is disturbing...) to remedy this? And why is it necessary for people to advertise their pronouns, when most of the communication, where you need that is non-personal anyway?
  - Pfhreak 6y ago
    There isn't a body that's suitable for me, unfortunately. The best I could hope for might be a somewhat waifish androgyny, but even that would only be a very, very loose approximation. > So your problem was that other people didn't accept you for what you are No, the problem is that my identity didn't match my external presentation. Yes, fixing that comes with some stigma (and that sucks), but fundamentally the problem is making the outside match the inside. > And why is it necessary for people to advertise their pronouns Being called he causes dysphoric feelings and anxiety for me. This is not something that I have conscious control over. I have learned some adaptive behaviors, but ultimately it's much less uncomfortable for people to use they/them for me. I ask people to do this, and generally people don't have an issue. You could also use my name and avoid pronouns if you want. Ultimately, you can choose not to use my pronouns knowing it makes me uncomfortable. I ain't going to yell at you, but I'll also remember that you made a choice knowing how it impacts me. > Why do we have to divide people on a spectrum Great question. I actually think of gender as much more complex than a spectrum, but there are folks who see it as two, concrete points and will loudly exclaim "ONLY TWO GENDERS" to me. I'm just sharing my own observations about the behaviors I've seen and how I choose to interpret them.

but why bother with gender at all in this case?

by fock 6y ago

but why bother with gender at all in this case?

The feeling of gender dysphoria is not a pleasant one. Coming to an understanding helped me rationalize and address my anxiety. Ultimately, gendered stuff is all around us and it is not so easy to "just not bother".

fock 6y ago
so you are a non-transsexual transgender? or did you transition to a suitable body? because yes, gendered stuff is all around us, but in most "though" cases, it mostly seems to relate to sex, because that's something which is easily determinable for a large fraction of human beings. So your problem was that other people didn't accept you for what you are: is this really different from society not accepting that you would like to have 5 wives, your parents wishing you to be a lawyer, whilst you want to be a shepherd or any other discrimination? Why do we have to divide people on a spectrum (which also suggests that personality is a measurable, which is disturbing...) to remedy this? And why is it necessary for people to advertise their pronouns, when most of the communication, where you need that is non-personal anyway?
- Pfhreak 6y ago
  There isn't a body that's suitable for me, unfortunately. The best I could hope for might be a somewhat waifish androgyny, but even that would only be a very, very loose approximation. > So your problem was that other people didn't accept you for what you are No, the problem is that my identity didn't match my external presentation. Yes, fixing that comes with some stigma (and that sucks), but fundamentally the problem is making the outside match the inside. > And why is it necessary for people to advertise their pronouns Being called he causes dysphoric feelings and anxiety for me. This is not something that I have conscious control over. I have learned some adaptive behaviors, but ultimately it's much less uncomfortable for people to use they/them for me. I ask people to do this, and generally people don't have an issue. You could also use my name and avoid pronouns if you want. Ultimately, you can choose not to use my pronouns knowing it makes me uncomfortable. I ain't going to yell at you, but I'll also remember that you made a choice knowing how it impacts me. > Why do we have to divide people on a spectrum Great question. I actually think of gender as much more complex than a spectrum, but there are folks who see it as two, concrete points and will loudly exclaim "ONLY TWO GENDERS" to me. I'm just sharing my own observations about the behaviors I've seen and how I choose to interpret them.