I got married last year and tried something similar using a MIP optimization problem. It came out reasonably close to what we had done by hand. I did find http

I got married last year and tried something similar using a MIP optimization problem. It came out reasonably close to what we had done by hand. I did find https://www.improbable.com/news/2012/Optimal-seating-chart.pdf https://www.improbable.com/news/2012/Optimal-seating-chart.p... as part of that process. It documents the formulation of the problem well