> That night, I met a manager friend for dinner and poured my heart out to him. He listened and then gave me a diagnosis. “Julie,” he said, “Have you ever told

> That night, I met a manager friend for dinner and poured my heart out to him. He listened and then gave me a diagnosis. “Julie,” he said, “Have you ever told your reports that you care about them? Or asked them how they’d like to be cared for?” One of the best pieces of advice I received in an otherwise pretty uneventful undergraduate degree in technical theater/stagecraft was during a management course. A general manager of a small regional theater came to speak, and talk about "leadership". Generic stuff. But he said that he has two questions he always asks direct reports. "How do you like to receive praise, and how to do you like to criticism?" I've adopted these as good questions during interviews (no matter what side of the table you're on), when meeting a new team, or even a few releases into a team forming at a retro. They're simple questions, and folks don't always have their answer off the top of their head. But knowing who prefers that big group shout out and who prefers a quiet thank you email to them and their manager can make a huge difference.