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I think that boys are encouraged to express their opinion from a younger age as a "show of strength". As a young man, you're supposed to be strong enough to wit

I think that boys are encouraged to express their opinion from a younger age as a "show of strength". As a young man, you're supposed to be strong enough to withstand disagreement and occasional social shaming. The pressure for girls is the opposite, be more like the others, don't stand out. No doubt that people make assumptions about you if you make it known you are a woman online, but, I it's not necessarily just about privilege in the social justice sense. I am a minority, and I am very uncomfortable with identity politics, but I know I have to be careful with that I say online, because my current and future employers might be watching. Forcing people to use their real names will favor discourse that's more mainstream, that fits in the overton window[0]. Anyone can be bullied online if they disagree with the mainstream, whether they use a nickname or their real name, but if your real-world identity is known, that bullying can translate into the real world, you could lose your job, etc. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overton_window https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overton_window

DoreenMichele 6y ago
I'm plenty opinionated and I've always been comfortable expressing my opinion. It gets perceived differently than when men do the same and people react differently to a woman doing it. I had other issues rooted in being female. I've concluded that the world typically teaches boys from an early age how to have a public reputation and public relations and girls generally don't get the same info to the same degree. It becomes a self reinforcing problem because a woman behaving "normally" is behaving in a way that is more appropriate for private spaces and personal relationships and the rest of the world will expect that of her. I've had a really hard time figuring out why I had such an extremely hard time interacting with the public. It took a long time to get any kind of handle on that.
- tachyonbeam 6y ago
  > I've concluded that the world typically teaches boys from an early age how to have a public reputation and public relations and girls generally don't get the same info to the same degree. That would be contrary to popular wisdom, which says that girls are taught to be much more social from an earlier age, and as such, they generally have a better understanding of social dynamics, whereas boys tend to be more socially obtuse. > I've had a really hard time figuring out why I had such an extremely hard time interacting with the public. It took a long time to get any kind of handle on that. Just my two cents but: just being different from the norm will often get you weird, unfriendly looks. From what I read in your discourse, I get the impression that it seems to you like boys have it easy/better, socially, but I can tell you, having been on the other side of the fence, that when boys are "out of line", they literally get beat up, repeatedly... And society somehow accepts this, "boys will be boys". Being opinionated is not always well-received, both for men and women. Generally, people like opinionated if those opinions are just reinforcing their own... I do agree that men can get away with being more opinionated in some situations, but I don't think it's just a free pass. It only works if you're at the top of the social hierarchy. Maybe this is where we are in agreement. Society has difficulty accepting women being opinionated because it has difficulty accepting women being at the top of the social hierarchy. To fix that, it helps to fix gender norms, but we should also strive to live in a society where everyone can express their opinion, not just those at the top of the hierarchy.
  - DoreenMichele 6y ago
    That would be contrary to popular wisdom I'm not talking about social skills. I'm talking about public relations skills. They are different skill sets. I'm not saying boys have it easy. I'm saying boys generally get expected to have a real career and they are shaped accordingly. Women are generally not expected to have a real career. We are expected to be defined by being a wife and mom. And we get shaped accordingly. That doesn't mean men have it better. It does mean the topmost positions of power in the world are male dominated and that pattern gets reinforced by the way we teach women to interact with other people and continue to expect them to interact with other people at every step of the way.

DoreenMichele 6y ago

I'm plenty opinionated and I've always been comfortable expressing my opinion. It gets perceived differently than when men do the same and people react differently to a woman doing it. I had other issues rooted in being female. I've concluded that the world typically teaches boys from an early age how to have a public reputation and public relations and girls generally don't get the same info to the same degree. It becomes a self reinforcing problem because a woman behaving "normally" is behaving in a way that is more appropriate for private spaces and personal relationships and the rest of the world will expect that of her. I've had a really hard time figuring out why I had such an extremely hard time interacting with the public. It took a long time to get any kind of handle on that.

tachyonbeam 6y ago
> I've concluded that the world typically teaches boys from an early age how to have a public reputation and public relations and girls generally don't get the same info to the same degree. That would be contrary to popular wisdom, which says that girls are taught to be much more social from an earlier age, and as such, they generally have a better understanding of social dynamics, whereas boys tend to be more socially obtuse. > I've had a really hard time figuring out why I had such an extremely hard time interacting with the public. It took a long time to get any kind of handle on that. Just my two cents but: just being different from the norm will often get you weird, unfriendly looks. From what I read in your discourse, I get the impression that it seems to you like boys have it easy/better, socially, but I can tell you, having been on the other side of the fence, that when boys are "out of line", they literally get beat up, repeatedly... And society somehow accepts this, "boys will be boys". Being opinionated is not always well-received, both for men and women. Generally, people like opinionated if those opinions are just reinforcing their own... I do agree that men can get away with being more opinionated in some situations, but I don't think it's just a free pass. It only works if you're at the top of the social hierarchy. Maybe this is where we are in agreement. Society has difficulty accepting women being opinionated because it has difficulty accepting women being at the top of the social hierarchy. To fix that, it helps to fix gender norms, but we should also strive to live in a society where everyone can express their opinion, not just those at the top of the hierarchy.
- DoreenMichele 6y ago
  That would be contrary to popular wisdom I'm not talking about social skills. I'm talking about public relations skills. They are different skill sets. I'm not saying boys have it easy. I'm saying boys generally get expected to have a real career and they are shaped accordingly. Women are generally not expected to have a real career. We are expected to be defined by being a wife and mom. And we get shaped accordingly. That doesn't mean men have it better. It does mean the topmost positions of power in the world are male dominated and that pattern gets reinforced by the way we teach women to interact with other people and continue to expect them to interact with other people at every step of the way.