4 ms·

I don’t drink, but I never felt isolated because of that. I do go to bars though, I just order a coke, a juice, or even a coffee. Yes, I receive a soft pressure

by soneca 6y ago

I don’t drink, but I never felt isolated because of that. I do go to bars though, I just order a coke, a juice, or even a coffee. Yes, I receive a soft pressure to drink. Mostly when I was in college. Yes, people are surprised and ask (sometimes afraid is a touchy subject) why I don’t drink (I just don’t like the taste). A few of the conversations are repeated dozens of times over the years. Some people are hesitant that I am judging them, but pretty early is clear that I am not. But all that is just some conversation, maybe even an ice-breaker. So it never affected my sociability. It is just a fact. Edit: ok, a few of the other answers are pretty judgemental towards people who do drink, so if that’s your case, I understand why it would make you isolated

c54 6y ago
I think this is a really good and healthy approach: engage with the social aspects, don’t get snooty, shoulder the (minor) cost of repeating the same conversation. I look up to this!
varrock 6y ago
Has anybody befriended you after those type of conversations? I've had success explaining why I'm not drinking, but afterwards, it's difficult to reconnect.
- soneca 6y ago
  Not drinking was never the main topic, just a passing topic. It was never an issue at all. Reconnection or not were due to other things. But I must say that I never made friends on bars. My friends were neighbors and school friends (in my teens), then college friends, then a few coworkers. And their friends. So I go to the bar with them, not to make friends. In nightclubs, to meet women, it had a larger impact, but not necessarily a negative one. It would be a conversation point, but I felt that some women actually preferred, maybe felt safer with someone that could better understand and respect limits, idk. I am not from US though, not sure how the culture is here. I never bought any woman a drink (not sure if it’s for real or just a movie thing)
- adamsea 6y ago
  Not sure if someone who'd genuinely take issue with someone else not drinking would make a quality friend. Perhaps a good acquaintance, friend-of-convenience or friend-for-a-purpose, but friend-friend?
deleted 6y ago
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by soneca 6y ago

c54 6y ago

I think this is a really good and healthy approach: engage with the social aspects, don’t get snooty, shoulder the (minor) cost of repeating the same conversation. I look up to this!

varrock 6y ago

Has anybody befriended you after those type of conversations? I've had success explaining why I'm not drinking, but afterwards, it's difficult to reconnect.

soneca 6y ago
Not drinking was never the main topic, just a passing topic. It was never an issue at all. Reconnection or not were due to other things. But I must say that I never made friends on bars. My friends were neighbors and school friends (in my teens), then college friends, then a few coworkers. And their friends. So I go to the bar with them, not to make friends. In nightclubs, to meet women, it had a larger impact, but not necessarily a negative one. It would be a conversation point, but I felt that some women actually preferred, maybe felt safer with someone that could better understand and respect limits, idk. I am not from US though, not sure how the culture is here. I never bought any woman a drink (not sure if it’s for real or just a movie thing)
adamsea 6y ago
Not sure if someone who'd genuinely take issue with someone else not drinking would make a quality friend. Perhaps a good acquaintance, friend-of-convenience or friend-for-a-purpose, but friend-friend?

deleted 6y ago

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