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Thank you for sharing this. I think that, you were clear headed - and that was the difference. My personal experience/anecdote with suicide (not me, but I was

Thank you for sharing this. I think that, you were clear headed - and that was the difference. My personal experience/anecdote with suicide (not me, but I was involved in the recovery), the person were not able to think clearly, even if their problems were fixable and _they knew_ that the problems were _fixable_ but required too much effort, just wanted it to end.

DoreenMichele 6y ago
I have attempted suicide once and been hospitalized on a suicide watch twice. My adult sons, now in their thirties, are abundantly familiar with the medical and other issues that fuel my suicidal tendencies and were raised with excellent rubrics for how to handle it. Some things I've said before that bear repeating: If you know someone who is suicidal, help them deal with their actual problems instead of dismissing their suicidal tendencies as "they just have a mental health issue." Suicidal ideation is often rooted in serious, intractable personal problems. Acting like they are merely crazy actively pushes people over the edge. (It's basically a form of gaslighting.) There are generally two elements to any mental health issue, like suicidal ideation or depression. One is physical and the other is social or situational. When you have reason to believe someone is under physical duress, you may be able to mitigate their current crisis by feeding them, making sure they are adequately warm or cool, making sure they are hydrated and helping them get some sleep. If you tend to their physical needs, they may wake up tomorrow feeling more stable. If someone is clearly irrational, do not argue with them about whatever they are saying. Do not engage with their crazy talk. It only puts out the fire with gasoline. There is no good reply to something like that because agreeing helps push them over the edge and disagreeing will typically not convince them of anything but will help make them feel disrespected, unheard and like no one cares. Instead, try to help them find distraction or otherwise engage in care-taking. Resist the temptation to focus on the lurid detail that they are suicidal and talking about negative things. Don't try to shut them down. If they want to talk, let them talk, just don't reply to it in a way that adds fuel to the fire. It shouldn't be forbidden for them to talk about feeling suicidal. If you have no idea how to reply, it's okay to say that. It's generally vastly better to say something like "I feel out of my depth here and I don't know what a good response is." than to ignore it or pretend you do know what you are doing.
- csunbird 6y ago
  Agreed. I have a background of depression too, so I was able to sympathize with the person but not on that level. Most of my help was just being there for them and taking care of them, and the idea of somebody is there for them was clearly helping. We got medical help for the recovery, not in the drugs way, but a professional with the experience of dealing with the kind of problems the person had. Our job was to keep them going with their lives. That was it. Feeling of being cared and loved allowed them to get professional help that they would not seek otherwise.

DoreenMichele 6y ago

I have attempted suicide once and been hospitalized on a suicide watch twice. My adult sons, now in their thirties, are abundantly familiar with the medical and other issues that fuel my suicidal tendencies and were raised with excellent rubrics for how to handle it. Some things I've said before that bear repeating: If you know someone who is suicidal, help them deal with their actual problems instead of dismissing their suicidal tendencies as "they just have a mental health issue." Suicidal ideation is often rooted in serious, intractable personal problems. Acting like they are merely crazy actively pushes people over the edge. (It's basically a form of gaslighting.) There are generally two elements to any mental health issue, like suicidal ideation or depression. One is physical and the other is social or situational. When you have reason to believe someone is under physical duress, you may be able to mitigate their current crisis by feeding them, making sure they are adequately warm or cool, making sure they are hydrated and helping them get some sleep. If you tend to their physical needs, they may wake up tomorrow feeling more stable. If someone is clearly irrational, do not argue with them about whatever they are saying. Do not engage with their crazy talk. It only puts out the fire with gasoline. There is no good reply to something like that because agreeing helps push them over the edge and disagreeing will typically not convince them of anything but will help make them feel disrespected, unheard and like no one cares. Instead, try to help them find distraction or otherwise engage in care-taking. Resist the temptation to focus on the lurid detail that they are suicidal and talking about negative things. Don't try to shut them down. If they want to talk, let them talk, just don't reply to it in a way that adds fuel to the fire. It shouldn't be forbidden for them to talk about feeling suicidal. If you have no idea how to reply, it's okay to say that. It's generally vastly better to say something like "I feel out of my depth here and I don't know what a good response is." than to ignore it or pretend you do know what you are doing.

csunbird 6y ago
Agreed. I have a background of depression too, so I was able to sympathize with the person but not on that level. Most of my help was just being there for them and taking care of them, and the idea of somebody is there for them was clearly helping. We got medical help for the recovery, not in the drugs way, but a professional with the experience of dealing with the kind of problems the person had. Our job was to keep them going with their lives. That was it. Feeling of being cared and loved allowed them to get professional help that they would not seek otherwise.