Mate, please seek help. This will eat you from within and you will suffer even more later. It pains me to imagine that. I also see your username is in the same

Mate, please seek help. This will eat you from within and you will suffer even more later. It pains me to imagine that. I also see your username is in the same vein as your message. The more you talk to yourself in that manner, the more it becomes your reality. I sincerely hope that you find a way to break out of that cycle of thought and I hope you find a fulfilling path forward.