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"Hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" Recently I realized I was poisoning myself with intense negative thoughts and fe
by ta1234567890 6y ago
"Hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"
Recently I realized I was poisoning myself with intense negative thoughts and feelings about someone. Then I also noticed those thoughts feelings were only impacting me, not the other person at all. Finally I decided to forgive that person for what they had done to me, and when I started that process it became evident that in order to accomplish it, I actually needed to forgive myself. I had to forgive myself for judging, for holding a grudge and for hating.
Then I wrote down a list of all the people that I felt even a little bit negative about. At first I thought it was going to be a short list, but it ended up including over a hundred people. So I discovered that hiding subtly in my mind and within my feelings, I was secretly holding anger/hate/negativity for a lot of people.
After putting together the list, I started wishing love and wellbeing to everyone in it, individually, one by one. Kind of like going through my body and taking care of every little wound or cut I could find.
I tried going through the list and having positive feelings about those people every day for a few weeks. It did wonders for me.
- jasonv 6y agoI like your post in that it takes "forgiving" and makes it a practice. I often think I'm aligned with something only to realize I'm telling myself I'm aligned (that I "know"), but I haven't done anything with that alignment. You have to do it too, even if it's working through the thought process. I guess "transformation" is taking the "knowing" and making it "doing".
- yarrel 6y ago"Forgiving someone who hasn't changed is like encouraging a poisoner."
- ta1234567890 6y agoLike the article says, it's about you, not about them. In that sense, forgiveness is about an internal change of your feelings so that you can lead a better life without hate. It is not about condoning what others did. And it's very helpful to differentiate between them.
- Godel_unicode 6y agoThis quote comes from a relatively juvenile definition of forgiveness, namely forgive and forget. I can forgive someone for violating my trust without giving them the same trusted position they used to have.
- rrrrrrrrrrrryan 6y agoA Buddhist monk I met used a similar analogy: Harboring resentment is like holding onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at another; you are the one who gets burned. Forgiveness is setting down the coal.
- infogulch 6y agoMaybe the easiest way to set down the coal is to perceive why you are holding it. Like GP.
- sngz 6y ago> "Hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" only true if the hate is affecting your life and taking over you
- mcguire 6y agoHate, almost by definition, is similar to love: you make your happiness dependent on the state of someone else. If hate is not affecting your life, it's not hate.
- sngz 6y agoyou can hate someone but not act or let it bother you. its just that its super easy / common for people to let hate affect their life. Hate can also be channeled in a positive healthy way. I got out of a shitty life situation by channeling my hate towards my studies and self improvement to get the financial and logistical means to leave.