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One of the most important aspects of forgiveness is a credible apology. We all know people who can't or won't apologize for their transgressions, or heard apolo

One of the most important aspects of forgiveness is a credible apology. We all know people who can't or won't apologize for their transgressions, or heard apologies that don't address the core issues of the transgression. When you hear a small child apologize, it's reflexive, like they hope to use it as a shield for any retribution or punishment. The true purpose of an apology is to convey contrition and growth from the aggrieving party to the aggrieved, which are both important to the ability to forgive any given transgression. A large part of this forgiveness article is about expressing yourself - perhaps to the aggrieving party - perhaps in order to achieve a satisfactory apology. In that way, an apology is like a confession of sin prayer. If you don't mean it, the person upstairs can tell and you won't be forgiven. Maybe this is one function of religion - helping us develop the important life skills of apology and forgiveness.

ogurechny 6y ago
This is a complete misunderstanding, in my opinion. It is not an accounting of receipts and expenditures, not some “game theory” example, not an investment onto “the betterment of a society”, etc. You don't need anything to forgive, to do the right thing, it is always in your power. It might be hard, but it has always been like that.
- jerkstate 6y ago
  Well like elsewhere in the thread, people have mentioned that forgiveness is a complicated word. You should definitely learn to "let it go" regardless of whether you've received any apology, in terms of not letting it affect your psyche negatively, but in terms of future interactions with someone who wronged you and can't show contrition or growth, you have no obligation to put yourself into a position where they can do the same thing to you again. Hence, not a full forgiveness because your interactions with them are altered.
  - ogurechny 6y ago
    “Letting it go to feel better”, in my opinion, is also an accounting, some self-objectifying robot maintenance. It is strange that people find it hard to imagine how to forgive without receiving anything back. For one thing, I seriously doubt I'm in position to judge “growth” of other people.
    - jerkstate 6y ago
      I’m just not sure why I would continue to interact with someone who treated me badly without remorse. You might call it accounting or game theory, I call it self-preservation.

ogurechny 6y ago

This is a complete misunderstanding, in my opinion. It is not an accounting of receipts and expenditures, not some “game theory” example, not an investment onto “the betterment of a society”, etc. You don't need anything to forgive, to do the right thing, it is always in your power. It might be hard, but it has always been like that.

jerkstate 6y ago
Well like elsewhere in the thread, people have mentioned that forgiveness is a complicated word. You should definitely learn to "let it go" regardless of whether you've received any apology, in terms of not letting it affect your psyche negatively, but in terms of future interactions with someone who wronged you and can't show contrition or growth, you have no obligation to put yourself into a position where they can do the same thing to you again. Hence, not a full forgiveness because your interactions with them are altered.
- ogurechny 6y ago
  “Letting it go to feel better”, in my opinion, is also an accounting, some self-objectifying robot maintenance. It is strange that people find it hard to imagine how to forgive without receiving anything back. For one thing, I seriously doubt I'm in position to judge “growth” of other people.
  - jerkstate 6y ago
    I’m just not sure why I would continue to interact with someone who treated me badly without remorse. You might call it accounting or game theory, I call it self-preservation.