5 ms·

Going to a graveyard had profound effect on me

11 points by techsin101 6y ago

Nobody in my immediate family is dead so I don't automatically get negative thoughts whenever I happen to pass by one in a car. It's just another fact of life for me. One time I tagged along with someone else and went to one. When I went there I saw small identical tombstones all the way to horizon, front, left and right. Many feelings came over and it wasn't sadness. I felt all my worries become a joke, suddenly I felt free. - All hate for others gone - All things I felt mattered a lot, such as career. Etc, lost interest an instant - Suddenly a wave of gratitude like i was reborn and just happy to be here. Whatever I got was good enough. I'm learning some religions recommend going to graveyard often, is there any research on psychological benefits of visiting graveyards?

50 6y ago
In regard to religion or spirituality, the old desert fathers/mystics used to say that one should always have a remembrance of death instilled in front of their mind. You see this line of thinking in the ascetisicm of Orthodox Christians, particularly so in the book called The Philokalia. But otherwise, here's an excerpt that you might like on the above note: https://cassianus.tumblr.com/post/621365961792143360/we-should-never-lack-the-contemplation-of-death https://cassianus.tumblr.com/post/621365961792143360/we-shou...
- techsin101 6y ago
  Another way I just came up with to describe is like you are in a subway and you have to get somewhere, but you need to switch multiple trains in a complex maze of trains that expand your entire city. You're trying to catch the right train and worried you may take the wrong train or direction and end up at the wrong place, it's stressful experience but then you realize hey no matter what train you take all trains stop here eventually more or less in the same amount of time and suddenly you feel you don't have to worry about if you are going in the right direction, now you can chill and enjoy the ride instead of worrying if you're going in the right direction; or worry about doing things perfectly.
- techsin101 6y ago
  I liked this part "be careful with this world which is like a theater"
ggm 6y ago
This state of mind, from being around the evidence of death .. may well be both good and not unusual. There's quite a lot of evidence that dissociation induced by drugs like psylocybin in controlled circumstances help terminally ill people come to terms with impending death. A state of mediation on the fundamental mortality we face is useful. Also this (unrelated) https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jul/25/death-anxiety-body-bags-catastrophic-thinking-and-facing-the-inevitable https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jul/25/death-anxiet... Stoics might call it a sense of resignation. Quiet acceptance. Luis Prima had the outlook I like best: enjoy yourself, it's later than you think. https://youtu.be/n7VT2EHa0b4 https://youtu.be/n7VT2EHa0b4
- techsin101 6y ago
  Another way I just came up with to describe is like you are in a subway and you have to get somewhere, but you need to switch multiple trains in a complex maze of trains that expand your entire city. You're trying to catch the right train and worried you may take the wrong train or direction and end up at the wrong place, it's stressful experience but then you realize hey no matter what train you take all trains stop here eventually more or less in the same amount of time and suddenly you feel you don't have to worry about if you are going in the right direction, now you can chill and enjoy the ride instead of worrying if you're going in the right direction; or worry about doing things perfectly.
  - ggm 6y ago
    To use your analogy, our fears relate wholly to the risk of the crash, and consequences of the wrong station arrived at. The inevitability of arriving is not the problem. Nor in fact, is the likelihood of a crash high, but its true there are aspects to what we see of others "arriving" which cause disquiet. Unfortunately, unlike the NY subway, you cannot jump over the gate backwards, and nobody who has exited the subway has been able to tell us what its like beyond the station. But the train, keeps on rollin' rollin' down the track and I'm stuck in here at Folsom..
techsin101 6y ago
Another way I just came up with to describe is like you are in a subway and you have to get somewhere, but you need to switch multiple trains in a complex maze of trains that expand your entire city. You're trying to catch the right train and worried you may take the wrong train or direction and end up at the wrong place, it's stressful experience but then you realize hey no matter what train you take all trains stop here eventually more or less in the same amount of time and suddenly you feel you don't have to worry about if you are going in the right direction, now you can chill and enjoy the ride instead of worrying if you're going in the right direction; or worry about doing things perfectly.
batt4good 6y ago
I felt a similar calm after walking to a convenience store in NYC and passing the refrigerated semi-trailers parked outside Mt. Sinai West. I'd forgotten to take my route that avoided passing the hospital. It's chilling (no pun intended) but also seemed like a wake-up call to what really matters in life. To think that one day, I might just end up as a pile of human flesh in a semi-trailer. My state of balance is having worked hard enough to feel somewhat accomplished and looking back on my life and thinking "heck, I've done some things many haven't or that I thought I'd never do. Sucks to die, but hey it's been an interesting ride so far." My biggest fear is regretting that I didn't try hard enough. I disagree with many of Anthony Bourdain's opinions and life decisions, but this kind of fear is something I deeply connect with.
aprdm 6y ago
I believe Buddhism talks a lot about death and that we're all dying every moment to put things in perspective.
Jugurtha 6y ago
I think about death every day, which means I think about life every day. I don't think about it in a "morbid" way. Every day I wake up is a bonus for me, an opportunity to make things, live experiences, and be better: a better son, brother, uncle, colleague, friend, human. Death where I live is different. When someone dies, hundreds of people go to the funeral. They'll support the family with their presence, the logistics, catering, transportation, and an organization forms for a few days to completely solve any problem the family might face to allow them to deal with the death. People will self organize in rotations, bring necessities, transport other people to their destinations, etc. Those who knew the person of course will come, some will fly in, some will take days off to be present. It doesn't have to be family. For example, colleagues or professional relations of someone who lost their father will come to the funeral. Family friends, neighbors, people who've worked with the person twenty years ago, childhood friends of their children will come. People who go to funerals also bring people with them who did not know the family. There's a funeral motorcade. If the person who dies had a "good" family, by good family I mean children who were nice with people, honorable, and helped others, a cemetery can get too small. If the person was in a line of work that involved knowing many people, like in the armed forces, again: their colleagues and their families will go. If the person was hospitalized, it's common for colleagues or acquaintances of the person's children to come and visit, introduce themeselves, chat the parent, bring things, ask if the person needs anything. One of the common things here is that children get exposed to death at a very, very early age. They get exposed to it mostly from a religious stand point, and not in a "your mom is in heaven looking at us", but more like "people die, and if they did good things when they were alive they go to heaven, if not they go to hell". But they do get exposed to it. They are taken to funerals, and marriages, and baby celebrations, and generally speaking, all the above also is valid for marriages. Hundreds of people will flock in. So the rapport to life, sickness, and death is a bit intertwined and they're all present in people's minds with varying degrees. In the place where my parents are from, it's different since we're not the same ethnicity or have the same relation to religion, or religion in the first place, as the majority. It is not uncommon to have tombs of people right in front of houses, or in piazzas where people in the summer go to cool off, eat ice cream, and play guitar and sing, with kids playing around. I've always seen it as a way to include these people in living activities, so that their body may have left this place, but their memory nonetheless still is intact.
yesenadam 6y ago
Thanks for this awesome submission, so lovely to read. Personally, I dont seem to have a fear of death like a lot of people do - hearing/reading people talk about how it's a huge fear to be dealt with in life, maybe the biggest, is always weird for me. (It also seems the major factor behind religions - telling you that you don't actually die after death, don't worry about it!) My maternal grandparents lived on a quiet road in Wales with a large and beautiful cemetery at the end of it, a few houses down. It's very green and lovely, a nice place to go for walks, which I did from before I can remember. I wonder if the two are connected. Here's some pics of the cemetery https://www.geograph.org.uk/stuff/list.php?title=The+Mumbles+%3A+Oystermouth+Cemetery&gridref=SS6088 https://www.geograph.org.uk/stuff/list.php?title=The+Mumbles...

11 points by techsin101 6y ago

50 6y ago

In regard to religion or spirituality, the old desert fathers/mystics used to say that one should always have a remembrance of death instilled in front of their mind. You see this line of thinking in the ascetisicm of Orthodox Christians, particularly so in the book called The Philokalia. But otherwise, here's an excerpt that you might like on the above note: https://cassianus.tumblr.com/post/621365961792143360/we-should-never-lack-the-contemplation-of-death https://cassianus.tumblr.com/post/621365961792143360/we-shou...

techsin101 6y ago
Another way I just came up with to describe is like you are in a subway and you have to get somewhere, but you need to switch multiple trains in a complex maze of trains that expand your entire city. You're trying to catch the right train and worried you may take the wrong train or direction and end up at the wrong place, it's stressful experience but then you realize hey no matter what train you take all trains stop here eventually more or less in the same amount of time and suddenly you feel you don't have to worry about if you are going in the right direction, now you can chill and enjoy the ride instead of worrying if you're going in the right direction; or worry about doing things perfectly.
techsin101 6y ago
I liked this part "be careful with this world which is like a theater"

ggm 6y ago

This state of mind, from being around the evidence of death .. may well be both good and not unusual. There's quite a lot of evidence that dissociation induced by drugs like psylocybin in controlled circumstances help terminally ill people come to terms with impending death. A state of mediation on the fundamental mortality we face is useful. Also this (unrelated) https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jul/25/death-anxiety-body-bags-catastrophic-thinking-and-facing-the-inevitable https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jul/25/death-anxiet... Stoics might call it a sense of resignation. Quiet acceptance. Luis Prima had the outlook I like best: enjoy yourself, it's later than you think. https://youtu.be/n7VT2EHa0b4 https://youtu.be/n7VT2EHa0b4

techsin101 6y ago
Another way I just came up with to describe is like you are in a subway and you have to get somewhere, but you need to switch multiple trains in a complex maze of trains that expand your entire city. You're trying to catch the right train and worried you may take the wrong train or direction and end up at the wrong place, it's stressful experience but then you realize hey no matter what train you take all trains stop here eventually more or less in the same amount of time and suddenly you feel you don't have to worry about if you are going in the right direction, now you can chill and enjoy the ride instead of worrying if you're going in the right direction; or worry about doing things perfectly.
- ggm 6y ago
  To use your analogy, our fears relate wholly to the risk of the crash, and consequences of the wrong station arrived at. The inevitability of arriving is not the problem. Nor in fact, is the likelihood of a crash high, but its true there are aspects to what we see of others "arriving" which cause disquiet. Unfortunately, unlike the NY subway, you cannot jump over the gate backwards, and nobody who has exited the subway has been able to tell us what its like beyond the station. But the train, keeps on rollin' rollin' down the track and I'm stuck in here at Folsom..

techsin101 6y ago

Another way I just came up with to describe is like you are in a subway and you have to get somewhere, but you need to switch multiple trains in a complex maze of trains that expand your entire city. You're trying to catch the right train and worried you may take the wrong train or direction and end up at the wrong place, it's stressful experience but then you realize hey no matter what train you take all trains stop here eventually more or less in the same amount of time and suddenly you feel you don't have to worry about if you are going in the right direction, now you can chill and enjoy the ride instead of worrying if you're going in the right direction; or worry about doing things perfectly.

batt4good 6y ago

I felt a similar calm after walking to a convenience store in NYC and passing the refrigerated semi-trailers parked outside Mt. Sinai West. I'd forgotten to take my route that avoided passing the hospital. It's chilling (no pun intended) but also seemed like a wake-up call to what really matters in life. To think that one day, I might just end up as a pile of human flesh in a semi-trailer. My state of balance is having worked hard enough to feel somewhat accomplished and looking back on my life and thinking "heck, I've done some things many haven't or that I thought I'd never do. Sucks to die, but hey it's been an interesting ride so far." My biggest fear is regretting that I didn't try hard enough. I disagree with many of Anthony Bourdain's opinions and life decisions, but this kind of fear is something I deeply connect with.

aprdm 6y ago

I believe Buddhism talks a lot about death and that we're all dying every moment to put things in perspective.

Jugurtha 6y ago

I think about death every day, which means I think about life every day. I don't think about it in a "morbid" way. Every day I wake up is a bonus for me, an opportunity to make things, live experiences, and be better: a better son, brother, uncle, colleague, friend, human. Death where I live is different. When someone dies, hundreds of people go to the funeral. They'll support the family with their presence, the logistics, catering, transportation, and an organization forms for a few days to completely solve any problem the family might face to allow them to deal with the death. People will self organize in rotations, bring necessities, transport other people to their destinations, etc. Those who knew the person of course will come, some will fly in, some will take days off to be present. It doesn't have to be family. For example, colleagues or professional relations of someone who lost their father will come to the funeral. Family friends, neighbors, people who've worked with the person twenty years ago, childhood friends of their children will come. People who go to funerals also bring people with them who did not know the family. There's a funeral motorcade. If the person who dies had a "good" family, by good family I mean children who were nice with people, honorable, and helped others, a cemetery can get too small. If the person was in a line of work that involved knowing many people, like in the armed forces, again: their colleagues and their families will go. If the person was hospitalized, it's common for colleagues or acquaintances of the person's children to come and visit, introduce themeselves, chat the parent, bring things, ask if the person needs anything. One of the common things here is that children get exposed to death at a very, very early age. They get exposed to it mostly from a religious stand point, and not in a "your mom is in heaven looking at us", but more like "people die, and if they did good things when they were alive they go to heaven, if not they go to hell". But they do get exposed to it. They are taken to funerals, and marriages, and baby celebrations, and generally speaking, all the above also is valid for marriages. Hundreds of people will flock in. So the rapport to life, sickness, and death is a bit intertwined and they're all present in people's minds with varying degrees. In the place where my parents are from, it's different since we're not the same ethnicity or have the same relation to religion, or religion in the first place, as the majority. It is not uncommon to have tombs of people right in front of houses, or in piazzas where people in the summer go to cool off, eat ice cream, and play guitar and sing, with kids playing around. I've always seen it as a way to include these people in living activities, so that their body may have left this place, but their memory nonetheless still is intact.

yesenadam 6y ago

Thanks for this awesome submission, so lovely to read. Personally, I dont seem to have a fear of death like a lot of people do - hearing/reading people talk about how it's a huge fear to be dealt with in life, maybe the biggest, is always weird for me. (It also seems the major factor behind religions - telling you that you don't actually die after death, don't worry about it!) My maternal grandparents lived on a quiet road in Wales with a large and beautiful cemetery at the end of it, a few houses down. It's very green and lovely, a nice place to go for walks, which I did from before I can remember. I wonder if the two are connected. Here's some pics of the cemetery https://www.geograph.org.uk/stuff/list.php?title=The+Mumbles+%3A+Oystermouth+Cemetery&gridref=SS6088 https://www.geograph.org.uk/stuff/list.php?title=The+Mumbles...