4 ms·

I had similar experience, but can't say my therapy was a huge success. When gotten familiar with my situation, my therapist said the we need to build trust and

I had similar experience, but can't say my therapy was a huge success. When gotten familiar with my situation, my therapist said the we need to build trust and that she's gonna do the work that my parents failed to do. I was initially much more inclined to have "here's my habits and behavior patterns, tell me what to fix there" type of sessions. Then I tried to play this game of trust, but the idea of trusting and leaning on someone who sees me once a week to do job and get paid seemed just wrong.

throwaway28191 6y ago
I would agree with you, you can't pay someone to replace what your parents didn't do with a session once a week. Did you ever consider looking for another therapist?
- frankie_t 6y ago
  Yes, I'm overall optimistic about therapy in general. I did get some valuable things out of my sessions, and I think it would've been hard to find these things somewhere else. Therapists tend to get expensive though, when I improve my financial situation I'll definitely look for some more.
raducu 6y ago
"she's gonna do the work that my parents failed to do" That is a psychotherapy cliche, but it has a lot of merit to it. Significant adults in your life have imprinted/caused MOST of the ways you approach love or work. Just think of how vital those adults were to teach you language -- without them you wouldn't be speaking at all; with other adults you would be speaking a completely different language -- it is the same with your emotions, bounadries and limits, beliefs about yourself and others, how to meet your needs and so much more. So, do not dismiss exploring your relationship with your parents -- it is the foundation for everything else in your life.
- frankie_t 6y ago
  Not at all, I actually liked the idea a lot. It's just hard for me to take a any positive feedback from a person I pay to listen to the said feedback.
  - thrwaway69 6y ago
    > It's just hard for me to take a any positive feedback from a person I pay to listen to the said feedback. If someone is crying, you are getting emotional feedback from that person that they need help. They could cry for any number of reasons but the feedback they provide you by crying remains the same until you discuss it more. Paid feedback or not - outsiders will provide you similar feedback that will be relevant to you because they are able to empathize (that is if you are honest). But I get you. if you think of paid feedback as fake reviews on playstore, you will get discouraged. It's hard to give a fake plausible review and it's quick to spot for human interaction though.
  - jschwartzi 6y ago
    Don't think of it as an exchange of money for a service. Think of it as making sure your therapist can continue helping you and that he or she doesn't have to take a part time job to pay for their vocation. It's like how some people tithe to a church and put money in a priest's collection plate. They're making sure the priest can follow his or her vocation full-time. The money doesn't create the vocation.
  - munificent 6y ago
    I think you're interpreting "trust" mostly in terms of "this person will tell me true things", but telling you the truth is pretty far down the list of what therapists do. "Truth" is often not even well-defined when it comes to your internal mental state. Most of the truths that you hear in a good therapy session will come out of your own mouth. You just didn't know they were in there until the therapist guided you to them. Try to think of "trust" more in terms of safety. With a good therapist, you can trust that if you share your truth with them, with all it's ugly dark aspects, that they will not use that knowledge to harm you.
  - 6y ago
dkarl 6y ago
> the idea of trusting and leaning on someone who sees me once a week to do job and get paid seemed just wrong It seemed wrong to me at first, too, but eventually I saw how it made sense. The aspects of the relationship that would normally be fraught with fear and uncertainty -- is this person invested in my happiness, will this person respect my confidences, will this person use what they know about me against me, will this person turn against me if they learn my shameful weaknesses -- are encoded in their professional obligations. That's not enough for it to be a great working relationship (you need some personal chemistry as well) but it's a great foundation to start from.

throwaway28191 6y ago

I would agree with you, you can't pay someone to replace what your parents didn't do with a session once a week. Did you ever consider looking for another therapist?

frankie_t 6y ago
Yes, I'm overall optimistic about therapy in general. I did get some valuable things out of my sessions, and I think it would've been hard to find these things somewhere else. Therapists tend to get expensive though, when I improve my financial situation I'll definitely look for some more.

raducu 6y ago

"she's gonna do the work that my parents failed to do" That is a psychotherapy cliche, but it has a lot of merit to it. Significant adults in your life have imprinted/caused MOST of the ways you approach love or work. Just think of how vital those adults were to teach you language -- without them you wouldn't be speaking at all; with other adults you would be speaking a completely different language -- it is the same with your emotions, bounadries and limits, beliefs about yourself and others, how to meet your needs and so much more. So, do not dismiss exploring your relationship with your parents -- it is the foundation for everything else in your life.

frankie_t 6y ago
Not at all, I actually liked the idea a lot. It's just hard for me to take a any positive feedback from a person I pay to listen to the said feedback.
- thrwaway69 6y ago
  > It's just hard for me to take a any positive feedback from a person I pay to listen to the said feedback. If someone is crying, you are getting emotional feedback from that person that they need help. They could cry for any number of reasons but the feedback they provide you by crying remains the same until you discuss it more. Paid feedback or not - outsiders will provide you similar feedback that will be relevant to you because they are able to empathize (that is if you are honest). But I get you. if you think of paid feedback as fake reviews on playstore, you will get discouraged. It's hard to give a fake plausible review and it's quick to spot for human interaction though.
- jschwartzi 6y ago
  Don't think of it as an exchange of money for a service. Think of it as making sure your therapist can continue helping you and that he or she doesn't have to take a part time job to pay for their vocation. It's like how some people tithe to a church and put money in a priest's collection plate. They're making sure the priest can follow his or her vocation full-time. The money doesn't create the vocation.
- munificent 6y ago
  I think you're interpreting "trust" mostly in terms of "this person will tell me true things", but telling you the truth is pretty far down the list of what therapists do. "Truth" is often not even well-defined when it comes to your internal mental state. Most of the truths that you hear in a good therapy session will come out of your own mouth. You just didn't know they were in there until the therapist guided you to them. Try to think of "trust" more in terms of safety. With a good therapist, you can trust that if you share your truth with them, with all it's ugly dark aspects, that they will not use that knowledge to harm you.
- 6y ago

dkarl 6y ago

> the idea of trusting and leaning on someone who sees me once a week to do job and get paid seemed just wrong It seemed wrong to me at first, too, but eventually I saw how it made sense. The aspects of the relationship that would normally be fraught with fear and uncertainty -- is this person invested in my happiness, will this person respect my confidences, will this person use what they know about me against me, will this person turn against me if they learn my shameful weaknesses -- are encoded in their professional obligations. That's not enough for it to be a great working relationship (you need some personal chemistry as well) but it's a great foundation to start from.