4 ms·

As a trans woman, I wish more people thought like you do. I see so many trans men or women that don't pass (as their gender identity) because parents or health

As a trans woman, I wish more people thought like you do. I see so many trans men or women that don't pass (as their gender identity) because parents or healthcare doctors kept them from transitioning; before puberty disfigured their body and prevented any chance of them passing as their gender identity. The foregoing situation happened more in the past. Especially depending on where they lived and how the healthcare laws allow doctors to deny patients treatment because of religious reasons. I think nowadays that's going away with self consent treatment. Anyway my point is these people are suicidal because they don't pass with constant social reminders everyday while trying to function through normal everyday tasks that require interacting with strangers. They likely will never pass to strangers and unless they get the finances to attempt aesthetic surgeries. Well in the meantime people just tell them "do therapy" and while most have already tried but that's just not changing whats required for reality to be better. Nevertheless they're continuously told "just keep trying" and oh try another therapist that works for you! Makes me think that the mental healthcare is mostly for public image. Since sure some people benefit but for the ones that don't nothing improves and the professionals are fine with that reality.

sverona 6y ago
Therapy can help some trans folks, but what they really need is a community that supports them regardless of how well they pass. Trans passing messageboards are absolutely brutal. Brutal honesty is necessary for some, for whom passing is a matter of physical safety. But for a lot more, it can amount to self-harming. Any deviation from sometimes pseudoscientific models of "man" and "woman" is seen as a tell, an imperfection. This is made worse by the fact that gender-affirming surgery is utterly unaffordable for most people, let alone most people struggling with dysphoria and depression. In addition, passing politics by nature excludes many nonbinary people, for whom it is by definition impossible to pass. Not long after I came out I kept trying to find references for how to be myself. It shouldn't be that way. Where might we be if trans bodies were seen as natural variation instead of deviance?
- abellerose 6y ago
  > Therapy can help some trans folks, but what they really need is a community that supports them regardless of how well they pass. I don't know if I necessarily agree with that part. Therapy can help people starting out with blockers. Basically, young trans people that will pass but going through the social process is still difficult. Therapy isn't a universal solution and there is no proof that it works for everyone. The older population of trans people won't find therapy helpful depending on the following factors of did they get on on blockers at all, was HRT & good genetics in early 20s an option, and is it possible for them to pay for surgeries needing to eventually pass. Finding the "perfect community" for trans people is a flattering way of expressing segregation. They should be able to feel safe anywhere is what the solution should be. Otherwise they won't ever feel normal and possibly be assaulted or killed in society. I'm unsure why nonbinary people are relevant in a discussion about trans people and since they don't have a concept of passing to other people as a certain sex. Sure, they prefer to be nonbinary in regard to how they look or be received. Trans bodies aren't natural. Every trans person will express how they wish they could have started before puberty in an ideal life. The perfect life would have been just born cis as the sex they identify as or not have gender dysphoria. It's better to be honest than to hugbox someone into a dangerous situation. I've seen some trans people just want assistance in dying because passing is everything for quality of life to not be poor for them. I think they should be able to get it but only if passing is not going to be an option with HRT and surgeries are not going to fix anything. I remember reading a trans person has received assistance in dying somewhere in Europe for Gender Dysphoria. It's sad but that's how it is for some people in life.
  - sverona 6y ago
    Nonbinary people are trans. Failure to assimilate != segregation. I get the sense that you're a generation or so older than me and have consequently had to put up with a lot more medical gatekeeping than I did. If I'm right, I salute you. But I see nothing good in letting myself being defined by my dysphoria or in turning myself into what feels to me like a cardboard cutout of a woman just so I can feel like not a guy. Down that way all I see is more of what I had before I realized I was trans. No thank you. Be well.

sverona 6y ago

Therapy can help some trans folks, but what they really need is a community that supports them regardless of how well they pass. Trans passing messageboards are absolutely brutal. Brutal honesty is necessary for some, for whom passing is a matter of physical safety. But for a lot more, it can amount to self-harming. Any deviation from sometimes pseudoscientific models of "man" and "woman" is seen as a tell, an imperfection. This is made worse by the fact that gender-affirming surgery is utterly unaffordable for most people, let alone most people struggling with dysphoria and depression. In addition, passing politics by nature excludes many nonbinary people, for whom it is by definition impossible to pass. Not long after I came out I kept trying to find references for how to be myself. It shouldn't be that way. Where might we be if trans bodies were seen as natural variation instead of deviance?

abellerose 6y ago
> Therapy can help some trans folks, but what they really need is a community that supports them regardless of how well they pass. I don't know if I necessarily agree with that part. Therapy can help people starting out with blockers. Basically, young trans people that will pass but going through the social process is still difficult. Therapy isn't a universal solution and there is no proof that it works for everyone. The older population of trans people won't find therapy helpful depending on the following factors of did they get on on blockers at all, was HRT & good genetics in early 20s an option, and is it possible for them to pay for surgeries needing to eventually pass. Finding the "perfect community" for trans people is a flattering way of expressing segregation. They should be able to feel safe anywhere is what the solution should be. Otherwise they won't ever feel normal and possibly be assaulted or killed in society. I'm unsure why nonbinary people are relevant in a discussion about trans people and since they don't have a concept of passing to other people as a certain sex. Sure, they prefer to be nonbinary in regard to how they look or be received. Trans bodies aren't natural. Every trans person will express how they wish they could have started before puberty in an ideal life. The perfect life would have been just born cis as the sex they identify as or not have gender dysphoria. It's better to be honest than to hugbox someone into a dangerous situation. I've seen some trans people just want assistance in dying because passing is everything for quality of life to not be poor for them. I think they should be able to get it but only if passing is not going to be an option with HRT and surgeries are not going to fix anything. I remember reading a trans person has received assistance in dying somewhere in Europe for Gender Dysphoria. It's sad but that's how it is for some people in life.
- sverona 6y ago
  Nonbinary people are trans. Failure to assimilate != segregation. I get the sense that you're a generation or so older than me and have consequently had to put up with a lot more medical gatekeeping than I did. If I'm right, I salute you. But I see nothing good in letting myself being defined by my dysphoria or in turning myself into what feels to me like a cardboard cutout of a woman just so I can feel like not a guy. Down that way all I see is more of what I had before I realized I was trans. No thank you. Be well.