This is what I came here to say. OP, I've been in your shoes. In fact, I'm not entirely out of them. But talking to an unbiased third party, especially a profes

This is what I came here to say. OP, I've been in your shoes. In fact, I'm not entirely out of them. But talking to an unbiased third party, especially a professional who has experience helping people, is invaluable. I have had good luck finding (free!) help through my school - if your school or one in your area has a clinical psychology program, they will offer free counselling. Talking to a doctor might also be a good idea, but if that is too big of a step for you right now just make an appointment with a shrink.