4 ms·

I would love to hear some of those behaviors. I recently changed job and I am having such a bad experience, which could be easily summarized with my boss being

I would love to hear some of those behaviors. I recently changed job and I am having such a bad experience, which could be easily summarized with my boss being “abusive and occasionally compassionate”. It is so deeply confusing, to the point where I think this person might have a personality disorder, and I am wondering if I should quit. He is very influential and established in the organization, so leaving would be my only recourse. I can see how staying in this situation a long time could semi-permanently damage my view of leadership and trust...

codingdave 6y ago
The red flags I saw were are the exact red flags you'll see written up if you google "How to tell if someone is a sociopath". I'm not going to dissect the specifics of the person I worked with beyond that vague guidance because HN isn't the place where I'm comfortable having that discussion. But I can tell you that yes, I would quit. I should have quit years before I did, and although it has worked out OK for me the last couple years, in many ways I deeply regret the years I spent living in that kind of scenario. The short-term hit you take by leaving a job is worth the trouble when you find a place to work that truly is a positive and healthy environment.
- deanmoriarty 6y ago
  This sounds so obvious in hindsight but yeah, I really needed to google that, thanks for the suggestion. My boss exactly matches those behaviors, almost verbatim. Sucks to be me right now! I’ll have to repay signon bonus and relocation, but might be worth it at this point...
the_resistence 6y ago
This was my experience fresh out of college and job seeking in the middle of a decent sized US recession. First boss was a functional alcoholic and psychopath who toyed with people for sport. Also exiting his 2nd marriage and on the way to burn through his 3rd. I stayed too long (6 years), realizing 1/2 way through it was him, not me. It took me another few years to find a "face saving" exit. Horrible time and time wasted. Get out asap whatever the costs.

codingdave 6y ago

The red flags I saw were are the exact red flags you'll see written up if you google "How to tell if someone is a sociopath". I'm not going to dissect the specifics of the person I worked with beyond that vague guidance because HN isn't the place where I'm comfortable having that discussion. But I can tell you that yes, I would quit. I should have quit years before I did, and although it has worked out OK for me the last couple years, in many ways I deeply regret the years I spent living in that kind of scenario. The short-term hit you take by leaving a job is worth the trouble when you find a place to work that truly is a positive and healthy environment.

deanmoriarty 6y ago
This sounds so obvious in hindsight but yeah, I really needed to google that, thanks for the suggestion. My boss exactly matches those behaviors, almost verbatim. Sucks to be me right now! I’ll have to repay signon bonus and relocation, but might be worth it at this point...

the_resistence 6y ago

This was my experience fresh out of college and job seeking in the middle of a decent sized US recession. First boss was a functional alcoholic and psychopath who toyed with people for sport. Also exiting his 2nd marriage and on the way to burn through his 3rd. I stayed too long (6 years), realizing 1/2 way through it was him, not me. It took me another few years to find a "face saving" exit. Horrible time and time wasted. Get out asap whatever the costs.