That article is a Wall Street Journal A-Hed - one of the WSJ's funny news stories that they run every weekday below the fold of the front page. It takes a while

That article is a Wall Street Journal A-Hed - one of the WSJ's funny news stories that they run every weekday below the fold of the front page. It takes a while to tell its story because the story is an extended funny anecdote. I doubt it was written that way as overlong clickbait, since you have to go through the strictly enforced (no free meter) WSJ.com subscriber paywall to read it online.