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Every startup I ever worked at was like a family until the money started to run out; then you very quickly realize this “we’re a family” rhetoric works exactly

Every startup I ever worked at was like a family until the money started to run out; then you very quickly realize this “we’re a family” rhetoric works exactly one way and those 60 hour weeks you were pulling for free lunches and a significantly below-market salary were never going to be rewarded by anything.

bob33212 6y ago
I've seen them stick with the family talk. "Due to the current markets we are going to have to pull together as a team ( no bonus, no retirement, no Christmas party, prepare for pay cuts)." Then when people quit they get blamed for the failure of the company for not being team players.
PopeDotNinja 6y ago
To be fair, even family can not feel like family when the money runs out.
slovette 6y ago
That’s because you can’t buy culture. Bigger business has never been good at that and the youthfulness of the tech leadership world over the last 15-20 years is why this is a thing. We’ve attached the pretty-ness and warm feelings of realism to a hollow/fake implementation idea. Catered meals matter to those that haven’t quite grown up yet. What really matters is your boss dropping by the hospital when your child is born, you showing up and standing quietly by his side when some one he loves passes away, colleagues poking fun and reminding you how old you are your birthdays, dropping their tasks on a dime to come rescue you when your broke down on the side of the road. That’s life baby and they’re by your side as we all trudge through it. You don’t build “the family” on the concept of it’s value is purely what you’re getting out of it. You base it on sacrifice and the understanding that the work part is only the mission, the team is the reason you’re there and is probably what matters most. We have forgotten that the things that matter most in life and the things that build that kind of culture everyone mocks as “not real”, its all built on necessary sacrifice and substance that can not ever be quantified on profit & loss spreadsheet. Maybe the issue is that people SAY they want a culture that cares, but really it’s just not something you really want to work for. Do your job, collect a paycheck and go home. Maybe people should just be ok with the fact that in reality, that’s all they want. Otherwise, move to a rural area, take a job that pays a little less on a team that has these family qualities. We do exist, I think it’s just not something g you REALLY want or value.
- AlexandrB 6y ago
  > That’s because you can’t buy culture. Well maybe you can - by giving everyone significant equity - but no one is willing to write that cheque.
  - LunaSea 6y ago
    Because no VC would touch that company with a 10 foot pole and with reason.
    - Analemma_ 6y ago
      Sure, we all understand why it has to be this way. Doesn't change the fact that I'm never going to feel emotional loyalty to a startup that I know is giving me as little equity as it can get away with (and what there is will probably be whittled away by dilution, sketchy clawback terms, etc.) Loyalty is a two-way street.
    - Apocryphon 6y ago
      Maybe, even on a forum like YC's HN, we should think beyond VCs.
  - missedthecue 6y ago
    There are only 100 percents
  - NoOneNew 6y ago
    Money and equity are not culture or especially family. You find out your real family when you are down and out. Those that still care for you when they have no incentive to are your true family. Not the people who only stick around when things are great and glorious. Generally speaking, there is never a "family" in a business. You are all there to make money, period.
- AmericanChopper 6y ago
  I’ve never found the idea of a business being like a family to be appealing at all. I don’t want my work to be prying into my personal life in any way. I do want to work for a business that cares though. They can show me how much they care by paying me well, treating me with respect, not intruding into my personal life, and by giving me a reasonable level of flexibility in how I organise my working hours and time on site. The people who say their companies are like families generally fall into two camps in my experience. Those who have no idea what they’re doing and want to signal their supposed intentions (no matter how bad their execution is), and those who want to emotionally pressure their staff into doing more than they’re paid for. If I make friends with some colleagues, well that’s nice. But I don’t want my boss to think of me as family, I wouldn’t even want to be friends with my boss. People are usually aren’t good enough at compartmentalizing for that to work.

bob33212 6y ago

I've seen them stick with the family talk. "Due to the current markets we are going to have to pull together as a team ( no bonus, no retirement, no Christmas party, prepare for pay cuts)." Then when people quit they get blamed for the failure of the company for not being team players.

PopeDotNinja 6y ago

To be fair, even family can not feel like family when the money runs out.

slovette 6y ago

That’s because you can’t buy culture. Bigger business has never been good at that and the youthfulness of the tech leadership world over the last 15-20 years is why this is a thing. We’ve attached the pretty-ness and warm feelings of realism to a hollow/fake implementation idea. Catered meals matter to those that haven’t quite grown up yet. What really matters is your boss dropping by the hospital when your child is born, you showing up and standing quietly by his side when some one he loves passes away, colleagues poking fun and reminding you how old you are your birthdays, dropping their tasks on a dime to come rescue you when your broke down on the side of the road. That’s life baby and they’re by your side as we all trudge through it. You don’t build “the family” on the concept of it’s value is purely what you’re getting out of it. You base it on sacrifice and the understanding that the work part is only the mission, the team is the reason you’re there and is probably what matters most. We have forgotten that the things that matter most in life and the things that build that kind of culture everyone mocks as “not real”, its all built on necessary sacrifice and substance that can not ever be quantified on profit & loss spreadsheet. Maybe the issue is that people SAY they want a culture that cares, but really it’s just not something you really want to work for. Do your job, collect a paycheck and go home. Maybe people should just be ok with the fact that in reality, that’s all they want. Otherwise, move to a rural area, take a job that pays a little less on a team that has these family qualities. We do exist, I think it’s just not something g you REALLY want or value.

AlexandrB 6y ago
> That’s because you can’t buy culture. Well maybe you can - by giving everyone significant equity - but no one is willing to write that cheque.
- LunaSea 6y ago
  Because no VC would touch that company with a 10 foot pole and with reason.
  - Analemma_ 6y ago
    Sure, we all understand why it has to be this way. Doesn't change the fact that I'm never going to feel emotional loyalty to a startup that I know is giving me as little equity as it can get away with (and what there is will probably be whittled away by dilution, sketchy clawback terms, etc.) Loyalty is a two-way street.
  - Apocryphon 6y ago
    Maybe, even on a forum like YC's HN, we should think beyond VCs.
- missedthecue 6y ago
  There are only 100 percents
- NoOneNew 6y ago
  Money and equity are not culture or especially family. You find out your real family when you are down and out. Those that still care for you when they have no incentive to are your true family. Not the people who only stick around when things are great and glorious. Generally speaking, there is never a "family" in a business. You are all there to make money, period.
AmericanChopper 6y ago
I’ve never found the idea of a business being like a family to be appealing at all. I don’t want my work to be prying into my personal life in any way. I do want to work for a business that cares though. They can show me how much they care by paying me well, treating me with respect, not intruding into my personal life, and by giving me a reasonable level of flexibility in how I organise my working hours and time on site. The people who say their companies are like families generally fall into two camps in my experience. Those who have no idea what they’re doing and want to signal their supposed intentions (no matter how bad their execution is), and those who want to emotionally pressure their staff into doing more than they’re paid for. If I make friends with some colleagues, well that’s nice. But I don’t want my boss to think of me as family, I wouldn’t even want to be friends with my boss. People are usually aren’t good enough at compartmentalizing for that to work.