3 ms·

What I'm wondering about is what the attractiveness distribution looks like for gay men and lesbians (and also bi/pan people, although there's probably less dat

What I'm wondering about is what the attractiveness distribution looks like for gay men and lesbians (and also bi/pan people, although there's probably less data to pull from there). I would guess that for gay dudes it matches the bell curve shape - anecdotally my experience of online dating more closely matches what my straight female friends see in terms of getting matches being easy. And also my conceptualiztion of same-sex attraction is "I'm attracted to men in the same way straight men tend to be attracted to women" NOT "I'm attracted to men in the same way straight women tend to be attracted to men." But I'm super interested in seeing how that plays out, especially given other confounding variables of being gay. And I have no idea what the lesbian curve would look like - I suppose I would predict it looks like the pareto distribution, but I have no idea. Also the prevalence of "boyfriend twins" matches with what the site says - they end up with a partner of almost identical attractiveness because the curves for both of them match, and there's no bias in who makes the first move.

abnercoimbre 6y ago
Gay male with a fiancé here, and I love the boyfriend twins analogy. My partner and I are (gratefully) described as similarly good-looking -- curious store clerks like to ask us if we're siblings but then quickly realize we're probably a couple. > I'm attracted to men in the same way straight men tend to be attracted to women See, we wouldn't know how to answer this! Certain ways our straight friends describe their love interests sound foreign to us..
- Enginerrrd 6y ago
  >See, we wouldn't know how to answer this! Certain ways our straight friends describe their love interests sound foreign to us.. That sounds intriguing. Care to elaborate at all with any examples?
  - zwkrt 6y ago
    GP of the thread here. Things that straight people stereotypically do that gay men stereotypically do not understand: - Treating every person you date like a potential spouse instead of a potential friend - Getting upset when your partner finds someone else attractive - Caring about how many sexual partners someone has had in the past - Remaining sexually monogamous in a relationship that has lost its sexual energy (i.e., 'dead bedroom') Again, generalizations. I think straight people have been thoroughly indoctrinated with the values of western religions and government institutions that demand couples settle down indefinitely and singularly in high-stakes marriages. Soo much rests on finding the right partner, which can be very stressful, especially for women. They think that their desires have to be suppressed or changed to be happy, and have internalized ridiculous messages about sexual purity and how love is 'supposed to be'. However, us degenerates have always been shunned by those institutions and therefore can see the silliness in it, not that we don't have a huge heaping of silliness to deal with ourselves.
    - kazinator 6y ago
      > Things that straight people stereotypically do that gay men stereotypically do not understand: - Bog down with mortgages and children instead of hopping around the world, partying.
      - neutronicus 6y ago
        Why are those the only two choices? This is definitely how every woman I have dated (including my wife) has seen it - if we ain't raisin' kids in a house we damn well better be burning a fuckton of jet fuel. Not willing to entertain "just work a lot less" as even a joking third path. I opted for a kid and a mortgage because at least this way maybe one day me "and my son" will build an electromagnetic rail accelerator[1] and remote-controlled gliders and fly them around together. The serious answer to that question is probably because straight couples mostly have biological children, with the associated biogenic time pressure driving FOMO. Adoption or surrogacy can in theory be put off indefinitely and I imagine a lot of male-male couples wind up doing just that. [1] Terminology intentionally changed from "rail-gun" to emphasize peaceful applications to my gun-hating wife.
    - didibus 6y ago
      I can see those stereotype applying in a lot of situations. It makes me wonder, looking at them, how does the prospect for reproduction play into it. At a high level, one big difference is that straight couples can reproduce together. So its not merely looking for a partner in life, or a partner to help raise a child with. But for the prospect of merging your genes. I think nowadays a lot of the behavior could be explained by values lingering. But I can also rationalize how in a more natural order, without contraception existing, the decision for two straight people to get together comes with a much higher risk/reward ratio. From this, entails that picking the best partner is much more important, and making sure they'll remain throughout the whole pragnency and afterwards to help and support, etc. All that seems to weigh on the decisions for two people to partner up in a straight relationship that doesn't seem as likely in a gay one. Maybe those instincts remains in straight people, even though nowadays we have good contraception. Or maybe it's that values of such time still linger. Also, even with contraception, it be pretty weird for a straight couple to decide to find a suitable surrogate, so there's still that ultimate, would this be the genetic other of my child?
- automatoney 6y ago
  Y'know the boyfriend twin thing makes me wonder... how successful might a dating app be that just takes a front and profile photo, and then matches people by facial similarity? The attraction comparison is mostly from me being pretty visual and noticing that many straight men are also quite visual.
  - k__ 6y ago
    When I use FaceApp to make a picture of me look female, it looks like my sister, which I don't find very attractive and many people say my sister is hot.

abnercoimbre 6y ago

Gay male with a fiancé here, and I love the boyfriend twins analogy. My partner and I are (gratefully) described as similarly good-looking -- curious store clerks like to ask us if we're siblings but then quickly realize we're probably a couple. > I'm attracted to men in the same way straight men tend to be attracted to women See, we wouldn't know how to answer this! Certain ways our straight friends describe their love interests sound foreign to us..

Enginerrrd 6y ago
>See, we wouldn't know how to answer this! Certain ways our straight friends describe their love interests sound foreign to us.. That sounds intriguing. Care to elaborate at all with any examples?
- zwkrt 6y ago
  GP of the thread here. Things that straight people stereotypically do that gay men stereotypically do not understand: - Treating every person you date like a potential spouse instead of a potential friend - Getting upset when your partner finds someone else attractive - Caring about how many sexual partners someone has had in the past - Remaining sexually monogamous in a relationship that has lost its sexual energy (i.e., 'dead bedroom') Again, generalizations. I think straight people have been thoroughly indoctrinated with the values of western religions and government institutions that demand couples settle down indefinitely and singularly in high-stakes marriages. Soo much rests on finding the right partner, which can be very stressful, especially for women. They think that their desires have to be suppressed or changed to be happy, and have internalized ridiculous messages about sexual purity and how love is 'supposed to be'. However, us degenerates have always been shunned by those institutions and therefore can see the silliness in it, not that we don't have a huge heaping of silliness to deal with ourselves.
  - kazinator 6y ago
    > Things that straight people stereotypically do that gay men stereotypically do not understand: - Bog down with mortgages and children instead of hopping around the world, partying.
    - neutronicus 6y ago
      Why are those the only two choices? This is definitely how every woman I have dated (including my wife) has seen it - if we ain't raisin' kids in a house we damn well better be burning a fuckton of jet fuel. Not willing to entertain "just work a lot less" as even a joking third path. I opted for a kid and a mortgage because at least this way maybe one day me "and my son" will build an electromagnetic rail accelerator[1] and remote-controlled gliders and fly them around together. The serious answer to that question is probably because straight couples mostly have biological children, with the associated biogenic time pressure driving FOMO. Adoption or surrogacy can in theory be put off indefinitely and I imagine a lot of male-male couples wind up doing just that. [1] Terminology intentionally changed from "rail-gun" to emphasize peaceful applications to my gun-hating wife.
  - didibus 6y ago
    I can see those stereotype applying in a lot of situations. It makes me wonder, looking at them, how does the prospect for reproduction play into it. At a high level, one big difference is that straight couples can reproduce together. So its not merely looking for a partner in life, or a partner to help raise a child with. But for the prospect of merging your genes. I think nowadays a lot of the behavior could be explained by values lingering. But I can also rationalize how in a more natural order, without contraception existing, the decision for two straight people to get together comes with a much higher risk/reward ratio. From this, entails that picking the best partner is much more important, and making sure they'll remain throughout the whole pragnency and afterwards to help and support, etc. All that seems to weigh on the decisions for two people to partner up in a straight relationship that doesn't seem as likely in a gay one. Maybe those instincts remains in straight people, even though nowadays we have good contraception. Or maybe it's that values of such time still linger. Also, even with contraception, it be pretty weird for a straight couple to decide to find a suitable surrogate, so there's still that ultimate, would this be the genetic other of my child?
automatoney 6y ago
Y'know the boyfriend twin thing makes me wonder... how successful might a dating app be that just takes a front and profile photo, and then matches people by facial similarity? The attraction comparison is mostly from me being pretty visual and noticing that many straight men are also quite visual.
- k__ 6y ago
  When I use FaceApp to make a picture of me look female, it looks like my sister, which I don't find very attractive and many people say my sister is hot.