5 ms·

Ask HN: What’s your favorite mental model / framework for self development?

19 points by yarapavan 6y ago

afarrell 6y ago
Gardening. As an engineer I like to imagine I can build and the structure stays up like a stone arch. But a person and even a habit is not stone or silicon but living. So what does it even mean to "work on" something which is living? Gardening You absolutely _can_ build terraces and trellises. And self-help books can give you great seeds and saplings. Yet there will always be watering and weeding to be done. If you want your life to bear the fruit of your choice, it is up to you to rise every morning and tend to your garden.
- afarrell 6y ago
  There are a few places you can take this metaphor. 1. You probably do not want to plant cotton[1] year-after-year. Know the things which sustain your soil and put in the effort to nurture them as well. 2. Be careful of trying to regularize[2] your life too much. [1] https://www.vox.com/2015/7/13/8948477/george-washington-carver https://www.vox.com/2015/7/13/8948477/george-washington-carv... (But also be wary of letting woo keep you from doing what you need. Getting actual medication for my ADHD has been life-changing.) [2] https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/03/16/book-review-seeing-like-a-state/ https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/03/16/book-review-seeing-lik...
  - nishparadox 6y ago
    Side Note on [2]: "slatestarcodex for now is deleted due to privacy issues with NYT and Scott...
ThePhysicist 6y ago
Don't accept it when other people tell you that you can't do something because it's too difficult (in their opionion) or they think you're not smart enough. Sometimes people are right but often they are not, so don't get discouraged by negative feedback, keep trying. That said, also stay humble, know your own limits and try to get a realistic view of yourself, including your flaws and limits. Then start working on them and don't get discouraged.
- afarrell 6y ago
  Also, don't blindly accept it when people tell you that you _can_ do something but "you're just overthinking things". They might not know that you are confused about something and need clarity to succeed. Only you can read your own mind. Telling others can you see can make it more legible.
pmdulaney 6y ago
"Love obscurity and contempt" -- Fenelon
- runawaybottle 6y ago
  In that sense, ” the heart breaks and breaks and lives by breaking. It is necessary to go through dark and deeper dark and not to turn.” - Stanley Kunitz
lukepushlabs 6y ago
The reflected best self is a cool model that argues you should focus on strengthening the areas you already excel in and really leaning in on where you are at your best. https://hbr.org/2005/01/how-to-play-to-your-strengths https://hbr.org/2005/01/how-to-play-to-your-strengths It kind of plays into other ideas / books like Cal Newport's book "So Good They Can't Ignore You" that pushes the idea of really specializing and developing skills that are a reflection of your unique talents / perspectives.
imakwana 6y ago
Compounding of continuous improvement in daily life, similar to compounding of an equity portfolio. In other words, focusing on "Aggregation of Marginal Gains" in all aspects of life [1]. [1] https://jamesclear.com/marginal-gains https://jamesclear.com/marginal-gains
stakkur 6y ago
There are five sources that have changed my life in the past several years: 1. Stoicism. 2. Atomic Habits, by James Clear. 3. One Small Step Can Change Your Life, by Rovert Maurer 4. How to Fail and Still Win Big, by Scott Adams (don't like the guy, but agree with this book) 5. Rewire Your Anxious Brain, by Pittman and Karle I can't recommend these highly enough. They've literally help me remake my life.
muzani 6y ago
Your natural actions are based off your identity. Your identity is based off your actions and your environment. The most effective way to change your motivation level is to change your identity. Forcing yourself to be motivated drains your willpower and is ineffective - it's sort of like a CEO yelling at sales to sell more. The most efficient motivation programs succeed by getting you to change who you are by the end of the session. Faking it before you make it is a good way to do so, because your identity is shaped by your actions. For example, instead of motivating yourself to exercise, you adopt the identity of an attractive person. If your body goes out of shape, your mind takes action to fix it. Instead of scheduling time for gym, you just sneak time off to go there and schedule time for other things.

19 points by yarapavan 6y ago

Gardening. As an engineer I like to imagine I can build and the structure stays up like a stone arch. But a person and even a habit is not stone or silicon but living. So what does it even mean to "work on" something which is living? Gardening You absolutely _can_ build terraces and trellises. And self-help books can give you great seeds and saplings. Yet there will always be watering and weeding to be done. If you want your life to bear the fruit of your choice, it is up to you to rise every morning and tend to your garden.

afarrell 6y ago
There are a few places you can take this metaphor. 1. You probably do not want to plant cotton[1] year-after-year. Know the things which sustain your soil and put in the effort to nurture them as well. 2. Be careful of trying to regularize[2] your life too much. [1] https://www.vox.com/2015/7/13/8948477/george-washington-carver https://www.vox.com/2015/7/13/8948477/george-washington-carv... (But also be wary of letting woo keep you from doing what you need. Getting actual medication for my ADHD has been life-changing.) [2] https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/03/16/book-review-seeing-like-a-state/ https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/03/16/book-review-seeing-lik...
- nishparadox 6y ago
  Side Note on [2]: "slatestarcodex for now is deleted due to privacy issues with NYT and Scott...

ThePhysicist 6y ago

Don't accept it when other people tell you that you can't do something because it's too difficult (in their opionion) or they think you're not smart enough. Sometimes people are right but often they are not, so don't get discouraged by negative feedback, keep trying. That said, also stay humble, know your own limits and try to get a realistic view of yourself, including your flaws and limits. Then start working on them and don't get discouraged.

afarrell 6y ago
Also, don't blindly accept it when people tell you that you _can_ do something but "you're just overthinking things". They might not know that you are confused about something and need clarity to succeed. Only you can read your own mind. Telling others can you see can make it more legible.

pmdulaney 6y ago

"Love obscurity and contempt" -- Fenelon

runawaybottle 6y ago
In that sense, ” the heart breaks and breaks and lives by breaking. It is necessary to go through dark and deeper dark and not to turn.” - Stanley Kunitz

lukepushlabs 6y ago

The reflected best self is a cool model that argues you should focus on strengthening the areas you already excel in and really leaning in on where you are at your best. https://hbr.org/2005/01/how-to-play-to-your-strengths https://hbr.org/2005/01/how-to-play-to-your-strengths It kind of plays into other ideas / books like Cal Newport's book "So Good They Can't Ignore You" that pushes the idea of really specializing and developing skills that are a reflection of your unique talents / perspectives.

imakwana 6y ago

Compounding of continuous improvement in daily life, similar to compounding of an equity portfolio. In other words, focusing on "Aggregation of Marginal Gains" in all aspects of life [1]. [1] https://jamesclear.com/marginal-gains https://jamesclear.com/marginal-gains

stakkur 6y ago

There are five sources that have changed my life in the past several years: 1. Stoicism. 2. Atomic Habits, by James Clear. 3. One Small Step Can Change Your Life, by Rovert Maurer 4. How to Fail and Still Win Big, by Scott Adams (don't like the guy, but agree with this book) 5. Rewire Your Anxious Brain, by Pittman and Karle I can't recommend these highly enough. They've literally help me remake my life.

muzani 6y ago

Your natural actions are based off your identity. Your identity is based off your actions and your environment. The most effective way to change your motivation level is to change your identity. Forcing yourself to be motivated drains your willpower and is ineffective - it's sort of like a CEO yelling at sales to sell more. The most efficient motivation programs succeed by getting you to change who you are by the end of the session. Faking it before you make it is a good way to do so, because your identity is shaped by your actions. For example, instead of motivating yourself to exercise, you adopt the identity of an attractive person. If your body goes out of shape, your mind takes action to fix it. Instead of scheduling time for gym, you just sneak time off to go there and schedule time for other things.