I was okay-ish for the first couple of months, but now it all came crashing down. About a month ago, I ended a serious relationship, and since gf moved out and

I was okay-ish for the first couple of months, but now it all came crashing down. About a month ago, I ended a serious relationship, and since gf moved out and I started quarantining alone, it became so much harder. I still stand by that decision, but it couldn't been worse time to become isolated. Got into one of the worst depressive episodes I've ever had. Lost my job, and then couldn't keep a sweet, high-paying remote gig that was supposed to be the next one. Fucked up responsibilities and ended things badly, fully guilty and feeling it. Sleeping 16 hours a day, spending waking hours completely aimlessly. My amazing friends and family try to pull me out of it, and I'm okay while I'm around them, but then I either go home tired and alone, or a quiet friendly get-together turns into a wild party with lots of booze and coke and hard depressive hangover for the next few days. My chronic health problems (blood flow to the brain) got much worse, and I even got myself to see the doctor and get some pills, but still can't change my life in a serious way to prevent it; it looks like I have a very high risk of having a stroke in the next month or two, but I just can't bring myself to care about it. And the worst part of it is, I see myself climbing out of this hole, again, getting a good job, looking after my health, being a productive member of society, all that – and I see nothing to be inspired about. In my previous life, and in my possible future life, that looks just the same, there's just nothing worth of all that effort of living.