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Pretty terrible. I have no prospects, my startups all failed, I've lost most of my money (lost about $2m that I saved over 10 years and earned from previous sta

Pretty terrible. I have no prospects, my startups all failed, I've lost most of my money (lost about $2m that I saved over 10 years and earned from previous startups which I managed to cash out). I tried to go the VC route, but no investors wanted to talk to me, so I spent my own money instead and now I'm broke. I need to find a job, but because I'm highly experienced and older (35 y/o), most companies see me as expensive and difficult, thus don't want to hire me. Plus, I'm unlikely to put up with BS. I suck at interviews/coding challenges so I can't get hired at something like Google/FB in spite of having a stellar resume and long list of popular GitHub projects I created myself with thousands of happy users. Experience is a double edged sword: I can get things done much faster than most people, and I've pretty much done it all in computers by now, but I'm also jaded and can see through all the BS. I'm seriously considering suicide. I'll run out of money soon, I own nothing, have no family, can't afford rent, and am not eligible for any government assistance because of the stupidity of the laws. I've read a lot of philosophy over the years, and I've decided that suicide is really not a bad option. I'm so tired of being a peasant and working hard while someone else gets rich. I don't want to be someone's little worker bee anymore. I think the good opportunities are gone, and I don't want to contribute to bad companies doing bad things (i.e., most of big tech, and big cos in general).

pgt 6y ago
That sounds rough, man. Your post resonates with me because I struggle to work for Big Tech too and I find that smaller customers get stuck on my hourly rate without considering the productivity gains. Recently heard a quote about depression & anxiety that helped me: - Depression is when you don't know where you're going. - Anxiety is when you don't know where you are.
gentryb 6y ago
Please hang in there. I'm facing some difficult things as well, and can relate with being highly experienced and older. Suicide is NEVER an option in my mind. Despite what I face, I could never think of doing such to the family I have left, and the people that I know it would have a major effect on, let alone the ones who I may not realize. I'm trying to stay positive that good opportunities aren't gone, they may have shifted, and I need to shift with them. Looking at things from a perspective of scarcity makes this so much harder. I know that feeling. You are not a peasant. Please stay positive. I'm struggling, but working hard to do so. I care. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you ever want to talk privately - email is in profile somewhat. And if you're seriously considering suicide, please reach out to the Suicide Hotline, or other resources.... This really hurts to read, and it feels very similar... although I know we will somehow get through this... Edits: Spelling
mvzxpisbd 6y ago
I feel this, I'm facing homelessness and have no prospects, just high intelligence and aptitude and good leadership skills. I don't really want to kill myself that much but it might be nice to stick it to the sort of people who post about suicide hotlines whenever you're open about it.
- rootusrootus 6y ago
  > might be nice to stick it to the sort of people It can only be satisfying if you are alive to experience that emotion, however. I can't say that I have anything personally invested in your choice in this regard, but I will observe that suicide is a fairly permanent solution to what is most likely a temporary problem. And that eternity is an awful long time, so why go there any sooner than necessary.
acomjean 6y ago
>I'm seriously considering please don't. I'm really bad at advising on what to do to turn things around, make things better, but give it a try. Sure there are a lot of not great people in the world, but there are some good ones and things can get better.
deepandmeaning 6y ago
Hello gqxhoqvpnb, you've a lot going on there and it sounds overwhelming, the comments about suicide stood out. I’m not sure how to send a private message here otherwise I would. If you’d like to talk to someone who will listen and with no judgement please let me know. I’m not trained or a professional in any way but I know the difference it can make to just talk to someone. I’d encourage you to talk to a professional - sometimes when everything seems dark, talking to others, seeing things from another perspective can bring some much needed light. I wish you all the best.
ezimonbizkit 6y ago
Hey. I've been lurking HN for years, and just made an account to reply this. There's a way. Reach out to anybody or me if you need it. You were able to build a stellar resume. You did GH projects with thousands of users. You have experience. You got this.
bargl 6y ago
Hey, Reach out to some consultancies. I really like AIM consulting. I know it's tough right now, but the nice thing about consulting is they bring in experts they want to teach them and kick ass. Opinionated, well spoken people tend to do really well in consultancies. Find companies that do cool things and be part of them. You can also gain experience while moving around and helping non-tech companies come up to speed. It can be PAINFUL but it can also be SUPER duper fun. When you find someone going the wrong direction, offer advice and they listen to and improve from your suggestions.
- y-c-o-m-b 6y ago
  Is this remote? I've considered consulting in the past, but most positions require considerable amounts of travel. > It can be PAINFUL Can you provide some examples?
  - bargl 6y ago
    I've had 100% on-site. I've had one where they let me do remote 2 days a week. My current company (I went FTE) allows full time remote for Consultants. You just have to look harder to find these. As a consultant, you aren't a stakeholder technically. You are a coder-for-hire. You aren't typically going to maintain the application so you're more of an advisor. This is awesome because as an advisor, you can make some great suggestions, but in the end you do it how they tell you to or you find another gig. What I've found is, if they don't listen to me or accept input for change I'm not interested. Those are typically painful but short consultancies. If they do take advice, then I frequently convert to see the project all the way through. I've had situations where I can't wait for the contract to be over, and as you've guessed ones that are awesome and I convert over, or extend to stay on longer. You can also get into consulting to the point that you're part of a team which is hired to build something for the company. These can be awesome because then you're a stakeholder and yet free of some of the internal politics of a company. Anyway, I love consulting, but I also love the stability of FTE. I've found that consulting has been a great way for me to find FTE opportunities that I prefer over just interviewing. EDIT: The most pain happens when the consultancy you're working with doesn't communicate well with the client, so you get put in the middle and have to server two bosses who are in opposition. The best cases you have one clear boss, but another clear tasking manager at the client. In these cases positive feedback flows to your manager and negative feedback should be minimal but direct.
_leo 6y ago
I created an account after reading this, and just want to tell you to hang in there. These times will pass, things will get better, or different, or you'll just gain a different perspective on the same shitty things, or fall in love with some(thing|one) else... Best of luck my friend!
justinzollars 6y ago
Don't kill yourself. Thats a silly thing to do about money. You need to find professional help and bounce those feelings off of a another person, but recognize they are feelings but dangerous ones. If I were in your boat - delete twitter, facebook, and stop watching the news. Stop spending cash, stop paying bills, save your cash for food and things you enjoy. Take a vacation. Cash is king. When business goes south - they stop paying bills. You gotta go into survival mode. Also apply for government help. If you are smart you can find a way to qualify. Apply for jobs, I'm older than you and unemployed and many startups are talking with me. It's only a matter of time before you secure a better job. It seems from what you have said, you are able to make large sums of money - so it will probably happen again since you are bright, you just need to make it through this year. The good opportunities are not gone. Our country has more problems then ever you just need to find one.
braft 6y ago
I'm sorry you're suffering and I hope you don't commit suicide. You are not a peasant. Peasants don't have $2m at any point. Maintaining a middle-class lifestyle today, which is an opportunity still available to you, makes you one of the richest people to have ever lived, in terms of both material and opportunity. It sounds like you've hinged all your happiness and self-worth on professional and economic success, which is a losing strategy. Becoming as rich as the people you've worked for is a bad goal. You can learn to live more frugally, move to a cheaper area, work a job that's easy and boring but sustaining, declare bankruptcy if necessary, try to find communities of people you like, etc. You have options. If you've never lived in a rural area you should try it.
allenu 6y ago
Hey, I'm sorry to hear things are terrible. I'm not sure it helps, but I highly recommend reading up on self-compassion. It helped me realize that I was beating myself up all the time and not accepting that it's okay to have failures. Everyone has failures. That's normal and totally human. It's important to recognize that it's okay for things not to go the way you wanted. It's a small step, but I think just recognizing that will help free up a load on your shoulders. Start there and try to focus less on what opportunities are "gone".
softawre 6y ago
What is your definition of rich? What do you really want? It sounds to me like you already made it once. For most people, having $2m is enough to never really worry about money again. You could take double the median US salary from that sum, forever, without lifting a finger. You did it once and you can do it again. I can't really get behind the idea that companies don't value people with decent experience. Hell, you are 35, you are barely mid-career. Lots of companies are paying 50-60 year olds more than you would be paid because they have higher productivity than you. You did it once, you can do it again. Don't give up.
querez 6y ago
It sounds like it's going very rough for you. Have you considered/tried going down the consulting road? Given your experience, you sound like a tremendously good fit, and at the big consulting houses your age might actually be a benefit, as it speaks for your experience (so I've heard, so I might be horribly wrong). In any case, hope things turn out well for you.

pgt 6y ago

That sounds rough, man. Your post resonates with me because I struggle to work for Big Tech too and I find that smaller customers get stuck on my hourly rate without considering the productivity gains. Recently heard a quote about depression & anxiety that helped me: - Depression is when you don't know where you're going. - Anxiety is when you don't know where you are.

gentryb 6y ago

Please hang in there. I'm facing some difficult things as well, and can relate with being highly experienced and older. Suicide is NEVER an option in my mind. Despite what I face, I could never think of doing such to the family I have left, and the people that I know it would have a major effect on, let alone the ones who I may not realize. I'm trying to stay positive that good opportunities aren't gone, they may have shifted, and I need to shift with them. Looking at things from a perspective of scarcity makes this so much harder. I know that feeling. You are not a peasant. Please stay positive. I'm struggling, but working hard to do so. I care. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you ever want to talk privately - email is in profile somewhat. And if you're seriously considering suicide, please reach out to the Suicide Hotline, or other resources.... This really hurts to read, and it feels very similar... although I know we will somehow get through this... Edits: Spelling

mvzxpisbd 6y ago

I feel this, I'm facing homelessness and have no prospects, just high intelligence and aptitude and good leadership skills. I don't really want to kill myself that much but it might be nice to stick it to the sort of people who post about suicide hotlines whenever you're open about it.

rootusrootus 6y ago
> might be nice to stick it to the sort of people It can only be satisfying if you are alive to experience that emotion, however. I can't say that I have anything personally invested in your choice in this regard, but I will observe that suicide is a fairly permanent solution to what is most likely a temporary problem. And that eternity is an awful long time, so why go there any sooner than necessary.

acomjean 6y ago

>I'm seriously considering please don't. I'm really bad at advising on what to do to turn things around, make things better, but give it a try. Sure there are a lot of not great people in the world, but there are some good ones and things can get better.

deepandmeaning 6y ago

Hello gqxhoqvpnb, you've a lot going on there and it sounds overwhelming, the comments about suicide stood out. I’m not sure how to send a private message here otherwise I would. If you’d like to talk to someone who will listen and with no judgement please let me know. I’m not trained or a professional in any way but I know the difference it can make to just talk to someone. I’d encourage you to talk to a professional - sometimes when everything seems dark, talking to others, seeing things from another perspective can bring some much needed light. I wish you all the best.

ezimonbizkit 6y ago

Hey. I've been lurking HN for years, and just made an account to reply this. There's a way. Reach out to anybody or me if you need it. You were able to build a stellar resume. You did GH projects with thousands of users. You have experience. You got this.

bargl 6y ago

Hey, Reach out to some consultancies. I really like AIM consulting. I know it's tough right now, but the nice thing about consulting is they bring in experts they want to teach them and kick ass. Opinionated, well spoken people tend to do really well in consultancies. Find companies that do cool things and be part of them. You can also gain experience while moving around and helping non-tech companies come up to speed. It can be PAINFUL but it can also be SUPER duper fun. When you find someone going the wrong direction, offer advice and they listen to and improve from your suggestions.

y-c-o-m-b 6y ago
Is this remote? I've considered consulting in the past, but most positions require considerable amounts of travel. > It can be PAINFUL Can you provide some examples?
- bargl 6y ago
  I've had 100% on-site. I've had one where they let me do remote 2 days a week. My current company (I went FTE) allows full time remote for Consultants. You just have to look harder to find these. As a consultant, you aren't a stakeholder technically. You are a coder-for-hire. You aren't typically going to maintain the application so you're more of an advisor. This is awesome because as an advisor, you can make some great suggestions, but in the end you do it how they tell you to or you find another gig. What I've found is, if they don't listen to me or accept input for change I'm not interested. Those are typically painful but short consultancies. If they do take advice, then I frequently convert to see the project all the way through. I've had situations where I can't wait for the contract to be over, and as you've guessed ones that are awesome and I convert over, or extend to stay on longer. You can also get into consulting to the point that you're part of a team which is hired to build something for the company. These can be awesome because then you're a stakeholder and yet free of some of the internal politics of a company. Anyway, I love consulting, but I also love the stability of FTE. I've found that consulting has been a great way for me to find FTE opportunities that I prefer over just interviewing. EDIT: The most pain happens when the consultancy you're working with doesn't communicate well with the client, so you get put in the middle and have to server two bosses who are in opposition. The best cases you have one clear boss, but another clear tasking manager at the client. In these cases positive feedback flows to your manager and negative feedback should be minimal but direct.

_leo 6y ago

I created an account after reading this, and just want to tell you to hang in there. These times will pass, things will get better, or different, or you'll just gain a different perspective on the same shitty things, or fall in love with some(thing|one) else... Best of luck my friend!

justinzollars 6y ago

Don't kill yourself. Thats a silly thing to do about money. You need to find professional help and bounce those feelings off of a another person, but recognize they are feelings but dangerous ones. If I were in your boat - delete twitter, facebook, and stop watching the news. Stop spending cash, stop paying bills, save your cash for food and things you enjoy. Take a vacation. Cash is king. When business goes south - they stop paying bills. You gotta go into survival mode. Also apply for government help. If you are smart you can find a way to qualify. Apply for jobs, I'm older than you and unemployed and many startups are talking with me. It's only a matter of time before you secure a better job. It seems from what you have said, you are able to make large sums of money - so it will probably happen again since you are bright, you just need to make it through this year. The good opportunities are not gone. Our country has more problems then ever you just need to find one.

braft 6y ago

I'm sorry you're suffering and I hope you don't commit suicide. You are not a peasant. Peasants don't have $2m at any point. Maintaining a middle-class lifestyle today, which is an opportunity still available to you, makes you one of the richest people to have ever lived, in terms of both material and opportunity. It sounds like you've hinged all your happiness and self-worth on professional and economic success, which is a losing strategy. Becoming as rich as the people you've worked for is a bad goal. You can learn to live more frugally, move to a cheaper area, work a job that's easy and boring but sustaining, declare bankruptcy if necessary, try to find communities of people you like, etc. You have options. If you've never lived in a rural area you should try it.

allenu 6y ago

Hey, I'm sorry to hear things are terrible. I'm not sure it helps, but I highly recommend reading up on self-compassion. It helped me realize that I was beating myself up all the time and not accepting that it's okay to have failures. Everyone has failures. That's normal and totally human. It's important to recognize that it's okay for things not to go the way you wanted. It's a small step, but I think just recognizing that will help free up a load on your shoulders. Start there and try to focus less on what opportunities are "gone".

softawre 6y ago

What is your definition of rich? What do you really want? It sounds to me like you already made it once. For most people, having $2m is enough to never really worry about money again. You could take double the median US salary from that sum, forever, without lifting a finger. You did it once and you can do it again. I can't really get behind the idea that companies don't value people with decent experience. Hell, you are 35, you are barely mid-career. Lots of companies are paying 50-60 year olds more than you would be paid because they have higher productivity than you. You did it once, you can do it again. Don't give up.

querez 6y ago

It sounds like it's going very rough for you. Have you considered/tried going down the consulting road? Given your experience, you sound like a tremendously good fit, and at the big consulting houses your age might actually be a benefit, as it speaks for your experience (so I've heard, so I might be horribly wrong). In any case, hope things turn out well for you.