I have undergone several ketamine treatments for depression. I have had 1 positive session out of 9 total. Some trips were 'fun' others were not. My first ex

I have undergone several ketamine treatments for depression. I have had 1 positive session out of 9 total. Some trips were 'fun' others were not. My first experience with it was quite rough. The positive experience went as follows: pure nothingness. (I refer to it internally as `#cat brain >/dev/null`) It was incredible. Hope that I can silence all the noise in my brain. It was peace. It may have been zen. I've wanted to kill myself just so I can return to that level of peace. I haven't because I shouldn't. But it gives me hope that I won't feel this way forever. I have tried a variety of audio therapy and cognitive direction while undergoing treatment to assist the process. Examples include: (a) concentrated positive thoughts {thinking of a happy place/directed peaceful imagery} (b) "not thinking" just let the trip take me wherever it goes. {this may be the best course of treatment} (c) soothing sounds {nature sounds, music used while meditating, etc} (d) guided meditation The most recurrent theme I experienced (the trips would include visual and auditory hallucinations) would be repeating geometric patterns and a techo/dub-step style of music. These were pleasant experiences that I didn't mind, although I felt that they didn't quite do the trick.