4 ms·

I’m a young US man and I find sex (and close human contact in general) mildly disgusting. Yet, I also feel so much pressure from my peers to be dating and havin

I’m a young US man and I find sex (and close human contact in general) mildly disgusting. Yet, I also feel so much pressure from my peers to be dating and having sex. The culture basically says sex and drugs are the only things worth doing. I spend my time on dating apps going on dates I don’t enjoy in the hopes of having sex that I don’t enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m attracted to women and enjoy spending time with them. I just don’t like sex. I like the idea of sex but my desire to have sex with someone decreases significantly the closer they are to me (disgust is inverse-square with proximity). At least I can find humor in the absurdity. It feels like I can trace all the problems in my life back to my uncomfortableness with sex. Why am I so uncomfortable? That might take another long unpleasant post. Its tempting to think that I should find some peace in not having sex or find a partner who doesn’t like sex either. That’s a good suggestion. Its really a war in my mind between feelings of disgust from having sex and feelings of disgust from not having sex. My therapist and I agree that its best for me to “get out there” and date.

RodgerTheGreat 6y ago
You may be asexual. There's nothing wrong with that. Do some research; choosing to identify with the label could make you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Some dating apps allow you to specify your orientation as asexual and search for potential partners who feel the same. Sexual orientation is only one small factor in overall compatibility, but if it's something causing you anxiety while trying to find a partner, being up-front can't hurt; you will only filter out people who would have been a poor match anyway.
- Coutured 6y ago
  You can call it asexual or you can call it “sexually traumatized straight” but I’m not sure which is more accurate. One has nothing wrong with it and another has a lot wrong with it. To tell you the truth I’d not be particularly happy with either.
  - akvadrako 6y ago
    I think it’s quite normal to find sex a bit disgusting - human bodies are pretty gross, at least with modern sensibilities. Sex is enjoyable when I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks with someone who I am comfortable with. But hookups are not worth it.
quasarj 6y ago
Maybe you're asexual? Or, even if that's not quite it, you could try dating asexual women. I imagine they find it quite hard to find quality partners that want to spend time with them, but don't expect sex at the end of the night.
eloisius 6y ago
Any chance you grew up in an evangelical "purity" community?
- Coutured 6y ago
  Close enough to it, yeah. Not as bad as it could have been.

RodgerTheGreat 6y ago

You may be asexual. There's nothing wrong with that. Do some research; choosing to identify with the label could make you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Some dating apps allow you to specify your orientation as asexual and search for potential partners who feel the same. Sexual orientation is only one small factor in overall compatibility, but if it's something causing you anxiety while trying to find a partner, being up-front can't hurt; you will only filter out people who would have been a poor match anyway.

Coutured 6y ago
You can call it asexual or you can call it “sexually traumatized straight” but I’m not sure which is more accurate. One has nothing wrong with it and another has a lot wrong with it. To tell you the truth I’d not be particularly happy with either.
- akvadrako 6y ago
  I think it’s quite normal to find sex a bit disgusting - human bodies are pretty gross, at least with modern sensibilities. Sex is enjoyable when I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks with someone who I am comfortable with. But hookups are not worth it.

quasarj 6y ago

Maybe you're asexual? Or, even if that's not quite it, you could try dating asexual women. I imagine they find it quite hard to find quality partners that want to spend time with them, but don't expect sex at the end of the night.

eloisius 6y ago

Any chance you grew up in an evangelical "purity" community?

Coutured 6y ago
Close enough to it, yeah. Not as bad as it could have been.