5 ms·

I'm a high earner in tech like I imagine many people on the forum, and also like many people on the forum my life is super busy. My last relationship ended real

by Grimm1 6y ago

I'm a high earner in tech like I imagine many people on the forum, and also like many people on the forum my life is super busy. My last relationship ended really badly took like two years to get over it and then I was suddenly really busy and I've kept being really busy as my titles have changed and my personal interest in starting my own business has increased etc etc and now we're in a pandemic. I'd argue that there's a whole group of young guys who are just so freaking busy and not really in a place where they can meet a bunch of single women, like I don't even know where I'd put a significant other in my life at the moment. I guess that compounds because I don't drink really so I'm not going to bars and my personal hobbies are reading, hiking and coding and trying to get a company off the ground so It doesn't really lend itself to meeting people either. At this rate I've been single for 4-5ish years and if if my life and the world keeps up I can see another 5 years ahead but hey I make more than most people I know, got a senior title pretty young and if I can make it work I'll be running my own business before 30. Edit: And I'll add I've been told I look like Ethan Hawke and can be pretty funny in the right mood so I'd say I'm doing alright in looks and personality.

jwilber 6y ago
I think these things are fair points for relationships, but the post is about sex in general, and busy schedules don’t tend to affect hook ups much.
crescentfresh 6y ago
> I don't even know where I'd put a significant other in my life I think we're talking about non-commital encounters, not "relationships" like you're referring to. (Not that there's not a time element involved to nurture that part of one's life!)
bradlys 6y ago
The amount of men in your position is much lower than you are thinking. You're in a bubble. The US male populace has maybe 10% of people in similar roles such as yourself. Not many men earn $100k+/yr - period. Most who do are well past 30. If you're in FAANG making $300k+, then you're part of the 1% of /all/ men (not just men at your age). Are you going to say that the top 10% of earners overrepresent the amount of people who aren't having sex? Seems far fetched to me. Having a high income is a marker that many people look for and prioritize. Being a high income earner doesn't mean you're busier than other people either. I see many people making $250k+/yr and have regular 40 hour work weeks where I see people below $100k/yr pushing 60+ hours frequently.
- Grimm1 6y ago
  Oh for sure I recognize my position is a minority, and no that's not what I'm arguing. Even people making much less than I do typically have goals they want to meet though and I wonder how many young guys in general are burning away at their goals at the expense of their time for physical non-commital encounters. Especially and not in-spite of the fact its very tough to get by in general right now. Edit: And earning a lot doesn't entirely correlate with how hard you work, I agree. I learned selling yourself the right way makes it a lot easier. Which is why for people outside of my bubble as you put it I imagine they are grinding even more.
gertlex 6y ago
> I'd argue that there's a whole group of young guys who are just so freaking busy and not really in a place where they can meet a bunch of single women ... I'm not sure this is new? I also wonder how large is the group is, and whether this category is as applicable outside of tech (which is a small fraction of the population in my mind). I suspect it's not that large, and groupings by other categories discussed elsewhere in these comments are more relevant.
- Jommi 6y ago
  I would suggest that the be apart is that they don't marry out tradition/social norms anymore. They just stay single, because it's more okay to stay single for longer + no desire for kids
- elliekelly 6y ago
  I definitely think it applies to the finance industry as well. Basically all of my friends are divorced men in their 40s because their spouses got sick of being married to no one.
- Grimm1 6y ago
  The point poised above was that "Wealthy successful attractive men are having all the sex on demand and that's making it harder for the rest" I offered a counter-view to that thought. Though I guess you could argue the point above isn't that new either. Wealthy attractive men have always been thought to have more sex or have more opportunity to have sex.
  - pas 6y ago
    But. Do you want sex? And if/when you do how hard/easy it is for you to get it? And especially how easy it is for you to have sex with basically whoever you wish (eg attractive folks)? Because it's very likely that there is a few percent of the population who are good looking, wealthy and prioritize having lots of sex, and they virtually occupy a much larger share of their target group than their group's size. So there's a disparity. And lot of men want to emulate that lifestyle, which leads to them constantly not finding appropriate partners.

by Grimm1 6y ago

jwilber 6y ago

I think these things are fair points for relationships, but the post is about sex in general, and busy schedules don’t tend to affect hook ups much.

crescentfresh 6y ago

> I don't even know where I'd put a significant other in my life I think we're talking about non-commital encounters, not "relationships" like you're referring to. (Not that there's not a time element involved to nurture that part of one's life!)

bradlys 6y ago

The amount of men in your position is much lower than you are thinking. You're in a bubble. The US male populace has maybe 10% of people in similar roles such as yourself. Not many men earn $100k+/yr - period. Most who do are well past 30. If you're in FAANG making $300k+, then you're part of the 1% of /all/ men (not just men at your age). Are you going to say that the top 10% of earners overrepresent the amount of people who aren't having sex? Seems far fetched to me. Having a high income is a marker that many people look for and prioritize. Being a high income earner doesn't mean you're busier than other people either. I see many people making $250k+/yr and have regular 40 hour work weeks where I see people below $100k/yr pushing 60+ hours frequently.

Grimm1 6y ago
Oh for sure I recognize my position is a minority, and no that's not what I'm arguing. Even people making much less than I do typically have goals they want to meet though and I wonder how many young guys in general are burning away at their goals at the expense of their time for physical non-commital encounters. Especially and not in-spite of the fact its very tough to get by in general right now. Edit: And earning a lot doesn't entirely correlate with how hard you work, I agree. I learned selling yourself the right way makes it a lot easier. Which is why for people outside of my bubble as you put it I imagine they are grinding even more.

gertlex 6y ago

> I'd argue that there's a whole group of young guys who are just so freaking busy and not really in a place where they can meet a bunch of single women ... I'm not sure this is new? I also wonder how large is the group is, and whether this category is as applicable outside of tech (which is a small fraction of the population in my mind). I suspect it's not that large, and groupings by other categories discussed elsewhere in these comments are more relevant.

Jommi 6y ago
I would suggest that the be apart is that they don't marry out tradition/social norms anymore. They just stay single, because it's more okay to stay single for longer + no desire for kids
elliekelly 6y ago
I definitely think it applies to the finance industry as well. Basically all of my friends are divorced men in their 40s because their spouses got sick of being married to no one.
Grimm1 6y ago
The point poised above was that "Wealthy successful attractive men are having all the sex on demand and that's making it harder for the rest" I offered a counter-view to that thought. Though I guess you could argue the point above isn't that new either. Wealthy attractive men have always been thought to have more sex or have more opportunity to have sex.
- pas 6y ago
  But. Do you want sex? And if/when you do how hard/easy it is for you to get it? And especially how easy it is for you to have sex with basically whoever you wish (eg attractive folks)? Because it's very likely that there is a few percent of the population who are good looking, wealthy and prioritize having lots of sex, and they virtually occupy a much larger share of their target group than their group's size. So there's a disparity. And lot of men want to emulate that lifestyle, which leads to them constantly not finding appropriate partners.