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As a man who's been married for 15+ years, I would absolutely advise young couples to consider the disciplines and policies they expect their relationship to ab
by notdonspaulding 6y ago
As a man who's been married for 15+ years, I would absolutely advise young couples to consider the disciplines and policies they expect their relationship to abide by in much the same way managers and employees discuss their policies and procedures. "Talk freely", yes, but also, as this article so correctly points out, understand the effect your language has on your relationships (direct reports, friends, spouses, family members) and make sure to not treat heavyweight issues with an air of flippancy or triviality.
My wife and I decided, before we got married, that divorce was off the table for us. Understanding that it is not even an option for me (and trusting/believing my spouse that it's not an option for her) gives us so much stability to launch into uncomfortable topics and conversations with each other. If we got into a habit of treating that topic lightly, I could easily see many instances over the past decade where life has gotten hard, we would be in the middle of a stressful situation, and we would have doubted each other's commitment.
There's a broad range of experience out there in marriages, so it's likely possible to have that same stability while regularly joking about divorce, it just seems like a foolish thing to risk so huge a downside (actual divorce) for so little an upside (getting to joke about divorce).
Bringing this back to the article, that's the same idea at play. For the manager to restrain themselves from a few key topics which are inappropriate for them to joke about, they avoid a huge minefield of stressful issues for them and their direct reports.
- tinyhouse 6y ago> My wife and I decided, before we got married, that divorce was off the table for us. Well, you can decide whatever you want before you get married. People change, things happen, it's called life...
- User23 6y agoCatholics believe that marriage ends only with death. While obviously a civil divorce is possible, the actual sacramental marriage is indissoluble. One of the consequences of this belief is that Catholic couples are considerably less likely to get a civil divorce than other Christians or atheists[1]. [1] https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/catholics-continue-to-have-lowest-divorce-rates-report-finds https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/catholics-continue-t...
- nogabebop23 6y agoDoes this mean to get a true divorce you need to choose between your terrible current situation and your faith? That's a tough position.
- vkou 6y agoExcept that Catholics also practice annulment, which is, for all intents and purposes, a divorce (That you carry out through the church, as opposed to secular courts.) Instead of breaking up a marriage, they claim, post-facto, that it was not a 'true[1] marriage', and is, therefore, invalid in the eyes of God and men. This is a loophole big enough to drive a bus through, and is practiced quite frequently. [1] The technical term is sacramented.
- User23 6y agoAny number of factors can cause an attempted marriage to fail. Impaired consent is one major one. Unwillingness to have children is another. Even entering marriage with the expectation that divorce is possible means no sacramental marriage was formed. I suppose one can choose to view those factors as loopholes and I imagine some poorly formed Catholics do just that. That said, a validly celebrated marriage cannot be annulled. Whether or not tribunals are erroneously issuing declarations of nullity is a question I don’t know the answer to. In any event a Catholic who tries to game the system this way would be well advised to consider that God won’t be fooled.