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Me and my wife joke about getting divorced all the time, and we've been happily married for 15 years. Maybe that joke wouldn't be appropriate for your marriage

Me and my wife joke about getting divorced all the time, and we've been happily married for 15 years. Maybe that joke wouldn't be appropriate for your marriage, but I'm not really into people giving absolute truths about other peoples lives and pretending like they're gospel. Every relationship is different, and there will be different relationship norms for everyone. It's one thing to tell people that you should act professionally at work, but please don't project your marriage onto others.

jerf 6y ago
"Maybe that joke wouldn't be appropriate for your marriage" It would probably be fine. Of course, it's all a threshold game; if you're strong in other places you can get away with things that are technically a net negative, but you've got the buffer to deal with it. Every marriage if not every relationship does that since none are perfect. But why blow the buffer on something so trivially stupid? It also isn't really about "marriage strength", either, it's about basic human psychology. If you're talking about it, you're thinking about it. If you're thinking a little bit about it, your subconscious is chewing on it more than you realize. The most important message discipline is with your own subconscious. Don't feed it prompts you shouldn't. Even if you "get away with it", it's not free.
- MetallicCloud 6y ago
  I prefer not to try and push everything down and bury it. I've definitely thought about what life would be like if I got divorced, just like I've daydreamed about what my life would be like if I didn't have kids. That doesn't mean I'm going to 'go out for some cigarettes'. I don't think that I need to hack my psyche to ensure I don't accidentally trick myself into wanting divorce. But my initial point stands. If you don't want to joke about divorce with your wife, then don't. My issue is with stating it as fact that other people shouldn't either.
  - abnercoimbre 6y ago
    This aligns with my experience. We haven't picked the date for our marriage yet (covid), but we've learned if a modicum of pretty dark humor isn't present, something is in fact wrong and we worry about the other party.
- nogabebop23 6y ago
  I'm not convinced the linkage is as strong nor directive as you make it out. Wouldn't thinking come before talking? I've had some pretty dark thoughts that end as that.
nogabebop23 6y ago
see also: parenting advice There are very few "always apply" pieces of advice for these incredibly complex and distinct relationships, but we love to apply our single data point to the entire universe anyway.
hashkb 6y ago
I'm with you... and would go even further - if we ever stop making divorce jokes over the most insignificant possible items, I'll be worried. (But I'd never apply that logic to a workplace or anything other than a close personal relationship.)

jerf 6y ago

"Maybe that joke wouldn't be appropriate for your marriage" It would probably be fine. Of course, it's all a threshold game; if you're strong in other places you can get away with things that are technically a net negative, but you've got the buffer to deal with it. Every marriage if not every relationship does that since none are perfect. But why blow the buffer on something so trivially stupid? It also isn't really about "marriage strength", either, it's about basic human psychology. If you're talking about it, you're thinking about it. If you're thinking a little bit about it, your subconscious is chewing on it more than you realize. The most important message discipline is with your own subconscious. Don't feed it prompts you shouldn't. Even if you "get away with it", it's not free.

MetallicCloud 6y ago
I prefer not to try and push everything down and bury it. I've definitely thought about what life would be like if I got divorced, just like I've daydreamed about what my life would be like if I didn't have kids. That doesn't mean I'm going to 'go out for some cigarettes'. I don't think that I need to hack my psyche to ensure I don't accidentally trick myself into wanting divorce. But my initial point stands. If you don't want to joke about divorce with your wife, then don't. My issue is with stating it as fact that other people shouldn't either.
- abnercoimbre 6y ago
  This aligns with my experience. We haven't picked the date for our marriage yet (covid), but we've learned if a modicum of pretty dark humor isn't present, something is in fact wrong and we worry about the other party.
nogabebop23 6y ago
I'm not convinced the linkage is as strong nor directive as you make it out. Wouldn't thinking come before talking? I've had some pretty dark thoughts that end as that.

nogabebop23 6y ago

see also: parenting advice There are very few "always apply" pieces of advice for these incredibly complex and distinct relationships, but we love to apply our single data point to the entire universe anyway.

hashkb 6y ago

I'm with you... and would go even further - if we ever stop making divorce jokes over the most insignificant possible items, I'll be worried. (But I'd never apply that logic to a workplace or anything other than a close personal relationship.)