6 ms·

You mean not to joke about it in front of other people? I agree of course. But between you two? seriously... A married couple should be able to talk freely, inc

You mean not to joke about it in front of other people? I agree of course. But between you two? seriously... A married couple should be able to talk freely, including about things they don't like. No need to create policies in advance like it's a work relationship between employee/manager. I would worry if my married life looked like a work relationship.

graeme 6y ago
This is the sort of comment you should only confidently make if you’re in a happy marriage that has survived at least ten years. Ideally more. If not, you’re speaking in a domain in which you have no experience. Or rather, it’s unclear whether any experience you do have shows expertise. Certain people are more prone to cause divorce than others, and it is dangerous to take advice from the wrong person in this respect.
- zeroonetwothree 6y ago
  I’ve been married 15 years and we joke about divorce sometimes (as well as lots of other ‘sensitive’ topics). YMMV
  - graeme 6y ago
    Yeah, I’m not saying that it’s categorically wrong to do. I just got the strong sense from OP’s comment that they didn’t have relevant experience. (You do!)
asadlionpk 6y ago
There always are policies in every relationship. Make peace with it.
- tinyhouse 6y ago
  Of course. Each couple creates their own policy based on what they like or don't like. As opposed to work relationship.
  - asadlionpk 6y ago
    agreed.
rhacker 6y ago
I mean, it's like the golden rule. I don't think I would want my wife to joke about getting a divorce every day. I would seriously start thinking she would want one. So if you don't want to feel like that, the golden rule would have you not joke like that either.
notdonspaulding 6y ago
As a man who's been married for 15+ years, I would absolutely advise young couples to consider the disciplines and policies they expect their relationship to abide by in much the same way managers and employees discuss their policies and procedures. "Talk freely", yes, but also, as this article so correctly points out, understand the effect your language has on your relationships (direct reports, friends, spouses, family members) and make sure to not treat heavyweight issues with an air of flippancy or triviality. My wife and I decided, before we got married, that divorce was off the table for us. Understanding that it is not even an option for me (and trusting/believing my spouse that it's not an option for her) gives us so much stability to launch into uncomfortable topics and conversations with each other. If we got into a habit of treating that topic lightly, I could easily see many instances over the past decade where life has gotten hard, we would be in the middle of a stressful situation, and we would have doubted each other's commitment. There's a broad range of experience out there in marriages, so it's likely possible to have that same stability while regularly joking about divorce, it just seems like a foolish thing to risk so huge a downside (actual divorce) for so little an upside (getting to joke about divorce). Bringing this back to the article, that's the same idea at play. For the manager to restrain themselves from a few key topics which are inappropriate for them to joke about, they avoid a huge minefield of stressful issues for them and their direct reports.
- tinyhouse 6y ago
  > My wife and I decided, before we got married, that divorce was off the table for us. Well, you can decide whatever you want before you get married. People change, things happen, it's called life...
  - User23 6y ago
    Catholics believe that marriage ends only with death. While obviously a civil divorce is possible, the actual sacramental marriage is indissoluble. One of the consequences of this belief is that Catholic couples are considerably less likely to get a civil divorce than other Christians or atheists[1]. [1] https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/catholics-continue-to-have-lowest-divorce-rates-report-finds https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/catholics-continue-t...

graeme 6y ago

This is the sort of comment you should only confidently make if you’re in a happy marriage that has survived at least ten years. Ideally more. If not, you’re speaking in a domain in which you have no experience. Or rather, it’s unclear whether any experience you do have shows expertise. Certain people are more prone to cause divorce than others, and it is dangerous to take advice from the wrong person in this respect.

zeroonetwothree 6y ago
I’ve been married 15 years and we joke about divorce sometimes (as well as lots of other ‘sensitive’ topics). YMMV
- graeme 6y ago
  Yeah, I’m not saying that it’s categorically wrong to do. I just got the strong sense from OP’s comment that they didn’t have relevant experience. (You do!)

asadlionpk 6y ago

There always are policies in every relationship. Make peace with it.

tinyhouse 6y ago
Of course. Each couple creates their own policy based on what they like or don't like. As opposed to work relationship.
- asadlionpk 6y ago
  agreed.

rhacker 6y ago

I mean, it's like the golden rule. I don't think I would want my wife to joke about getting a divorce every day. I would seriously start thinking she would want one. So if you don't want to feel like that, the golden rule would have you not joke like that either.

notdonspaulding 6y ago

As a man who's been married for 15+ years, I would absolutely advise young couples to consider the disciplines and policies they expect their relationship to abide by in much the same way managers and employees discuss their policies and procedures. "Talk freely", yes, but also, as this article so correctly points out, understand the effect your language has on your relationships (direct reports, friends, spouses, family members) and make sure to not treat heavyweight issues with an air of flippancy or triviality. My wife and I decided, before we got married, that divorce was off the table for us. Understanding that it is not even an option for me (and trusting/believing my spouse that it's not an option for her) gives us so much stability to launch into uncomfortable topics and conversations with each other. If we got into a habit of treating that topic lightly, I could easily see many instances over the past decade where life has gotten hard, we would be in the middle of a stressful situation, and we would have doubted each other's commitment. There's a broad range of experience out there in marriages, so it's likely possible to have that same stability while regularly joking about divorce, it just seems like a foolish thing to risk so huge a downside (actual divorce) for so little an upside (getting to joke about divorce). Bringing this back to the article, that's the same idea at play. For the manager to restrain themselves from a few key topics which are inappropriate for them to joke about, they avoid a huge minefield of stressful issues for them and their direct reports.

tinyhouse 6y ago
> My wife and I decided, before we got married, that divorce was off the table for us. Well, you can decide whatever you want before you get married. People change, things happen, it's called life...
- User23 6y ago
  Catholics believe that marriage ends only with death. While obviously a civil divorce is possible, the actual sacramental marriage is indissoluble. One of the consequences of this belief is that Catholic couples are considerably less likely to get a civil divorce than other Christians or atheists[1]. [1] https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/catholics-continue-to-have-lowest-divorce-rates-report-finds https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/catholics-continue-t...