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I grew up believing having thick skin was really important. I took this to heart, and now nothing phases me (and I’ve been in a variety of nasty situations that

I grew up believing having thick skin was really important. I took this to heart, and now nothing phases me (and I’ve been in a variety of nasty situations that confirmed this). I realize this is not the norm, but I wish it was. Avoiding trigger words and peoples’ sensitivities is frustrating and further complicates complex discussions. I’m not saying we should be robots. I still have feelings. If someone I love shows me that I’ve let them down, I feel absolutely terrible. Thick skin + freedom of speech (but not freedom of information or freedom to shout) + people being generally genuinely respectful (as in tough-love) = a pretty good civilization in my eyes Buuut I accept we live in a world with sensitive people and as such must continue to be considerate of their feelings. At least it’s not illegal to trigger people!

gowld 6y ago
Thick skin is a fantastic skill to develop in yourself and others. Amusing yourself by testing how thick other people's skin is not. Legal doesn't equal good.
wobbly_bush 6y ago
> Avoiding trigger words and peoples’ sensitivities is frustrating and further complicates complex discussions I wonder if that is a result of believing having a thick skin is important and anything otherwise is now found frustrating.
salehenrahman 6y ago
I'm not sure if you are generally lamenting about people's sensitivities, or you are just dismissing jokes about firing as "not a big deal", and that "people should get over it". Let me repeat what the author of the article posted: DO NOT joke about firing people. You don't need to have a thin skin to take comments about firing seriously. When a manager said that they'd fire you, it's only smart to begin looking for work elsewhere. The moment they said that, it's the moment that they have demonstrated the following: - your employment status is precarious, under that manager (yes, employment is generally precarious, but at a company with a good culture, it's the company's financials that predicates your employment status, not financials plus your manager) - your manager has demonstrated that their power has gone to their head, potentially leading to bad decisions under their management - assuming they were joking about firing you in the first place, your manager's words regarding anything related to your job function cannot be generally taken seriously This is not a thin skin issue. This is a bad manager issue. Start looking for work elsewhere.
im3w1l 6y ago
I don't think this is about being offensive or sensitivity. From the subordinates perspective, a joke about being fired could be a way of telling them that they are underperforming. Or it could be a false alarm. It is perfectly rational for them to spend a huge amount of effort thinking and worrying about where they stand. If you say you wouldn't, then you are the one making a mistake. So in conclusion, making the joke imposes a big effort and burden on the target.
vorpalhex 6y ago
There's shades of gray here. One of the issues of threatening to fire a subordinate is that you very much can, that being fired is a high anxiety issue for most people, and even if they have thick skin you're still moving towards a more hostile environment. I have thick skin, but I'm still going to treat someone who is joking about my livelihood negatively. That's a separate issue from someone being triggered or emotionally hurt because they read a book or a professor talked accurately about a historical event. That's a case of not being thick skinned enough for reality.
jabroni_salad 6y ago
It's great for peers, dealing with opposing viewpoints, and controlling your response vs having a reaction. But when it comes to the person who controls whether I work here or not, how my performance reviews look, what my bonus is, etc I just don't feel like I can brush off their politicking and weird mind games. I need to keep that person happy whether they want it or not to ensure my continued survival. Maybe they mean nothing by it, but what if there is a chance that they do? People have gotten termed for much less.
standardUser 6y ago
Not wanting your entire livelihood casually threatened is not sensitivity. If you have twenty nuts to last you the winter, and a bugger squirrel comes by and casually says he might take your nuts away from you, you are not being sensitive if you are upset or worried. You are facing a direct threat to your survival and well being, and that of your family. This isn't a dirty joke, it's abuse of a hierarchical relationship.
monktastic1 6y ago
(FYI, the word you're looking for is "fazes.")

gowld 6y ago

Thick skin is a fantastic skill to develop in yourself and others. Amusing yourself by testing how thick other people's skin is not. Legal doesn't equal good.

wobbly_bush 6y ago

> Avoiding trigger words and peoples’ sensitivities is frustrating and further complicates complex discussions I wonder if that is a result of believing having a thick skin is important and anything otherwise is now found frustrating.

salehenrahman 6y ago

I'm not sure if you are generally lamenting about people's sensitivities, or you are just dismissing jokes about firing as "not a big deal", and that "people should get over it". Let me repeat what the author of the article posted: DO NOT joke about firing people. You don't need to have a thin skin to take comments about firing seriously. When a manager said that they'd fire you, it's only smart to begin looking for work elsewhere. The moment they said that, it's the moment that they have demonstrated the following: - your employment status is precarious, under that manager (yes, employment is generally precarious, but at a company with a good culture, it's the company's financials that predicates your employment status, not financials plus your manager) - your manager has demonstrated that their power has gone to their head, potentially leading to bad decisions under their management - assuming they were joking about firing you in the first place, your manager's words regarding anything related to your job function cannot be generally taken seriously This is not a thin skin issue. This is a bad manager issue. Start looking for work elsewhere.

im3w1l 6y ago

I don't think this is about being offensive or sensitivity. From the subordinates perspective, a joke about being fired could be a way of telling them that they are underperforming. Or it could be a false alarm. It is perfectly rational for them to spend a huge amount of effort thinking and worrying about where they stand. If you say you wouldn't, then you are the one making a mistake. So in conclusion, making the joke imposes a big effort and burden on the target.

vorpalhex 6y ago

There's shades of gray here. One of the issues of threatening to fire a subordinate is that you very much can, that being fired is a high anxiety issue for most people, and even if they have thick skin you're still moving towards a more hostile environment. I have thick skin, but I'm still going to treat someone who is joking about my livelihood negatively. That's a separate issue from someone being triggered or emotionally hurt because they read a book or a professor talked accurately about a historical event. That's a case of not being thick skinned enough for reality.

jabroni_salad 6y ago

It's great for peers, dealing with opposing viewpoints, and controlling your response vs having a reaction. But when it comes to the person who controls whether I work here or not, how my performance reviews look, what my bonus is, etc I just don't feel like I can brush off their politicking and weird mind games. I need to keep that person happy whether they want it or not to ensure my continued survival. Maybe they mean nothing by it, but what if there is a chance that they do? People have gotten termed for much less.

standardUser 6y ago

Not wanting your entire livelihood casually threatened is not sensitivity. If you have twenty nuts to last you the winter, and a bugger squirrel comes by and casually says he might take your nuts away from you, you are not being sensitive if you are upset or worried. You are facing a direct threat to your survival and well being, and that of your family. This isn't a dirty joke, it's abuse of a hierarchical relationship.

monktastic1 6y ago

(FYI, the word you're looking for is "fazes.")