Just in case you haven't heard about it: I'm a huge fan of Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication. It's been extremely helpful in terms of understanding

Just in case you haven't heard about it: I'm a huge fan of Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication. It's been extremely helpful in terms of understanding how & why I communicate. As you say, empathy matters for communication, and considering the other person's feelings isn't manipulative. On the flip side, I've experienced the danger of explicitly choosing how I want the other person to feel - that part crosses over, for me. NVC is really helpful in that regard, because one of the core tentets is that you communicate your own state. So, if I'm afraid I might use the wrong words, "Hey, I'd like to talk to you about X, but I'm afraid I might not use the right words. I would like outcome Y of this conversation, please let me know if I'm straying from that goal". XKCD1028 makes that point beautifully - the goal of the communication is "I want you to know about something", not "there's a hole in the ground!". And thank you for the Four-sides model. I hadn't heard of it before, and at the same time it maps nicely to NVCs four components: observations (fact), feelings (self-reveal), needs and requests(appeal). I do see that at least my understanding of NVC doesn't directly map on the relationship aspect of the four-sides model. (It's implicit, but not called out) Food for thought...