6 ms·

I find that emotional compartmentalization is a critical skill. A couple years ago, I faced a very tough time in my life. My business was collapsing, my famil

I find that emotional compartmentalization is a critical skill. A couple years ago, I faced a very tough time in my life. My business was collapsing, my family's finances were in jeopardy, and there was a serious health issue going on. The emotional stress was incapacitating. I couldn't sleep, let alone focus enough to fix my problems. It was the downward spiral nightmare scenario. If I didn't have dependents (wife + 3 kids), I might have withdrawn into depression. Instead I was forced to fix my emotional state... I constructed a personal prayer... I am the man in the dark room. In here, I am my loves, my principles, and my ideas. Who I am cannot be changed by circumstances outside this room, My loves are my legs which carry me to life outside this room. My principles are my shield from the burdens the world assaults me with. My ideas are the sword with which I shape my life. When I return to myself in this room, the world remains outside, and I evolve to be better prepared tomorrow. I found that even just stopping to say "I am the man in the dark room" was often enough remind myself that I wasn't defined by my circumstances. To sleep, I found I could play the audio from old familiar TV shows to drown out the worries to fall (and stay) asleep - it was a surprising turn-around. These two things changed my life. Hope this helps someone else.

munificent 6y ago
This is such a good mantra. I will remember this. Thank you.
blitmap 6y ago
This is a really wonderful way to reframe your perspective.
aswanson 6y ago
Awesome mantra. Been through similar circumstances and came up with a similar (though not as explicitly stated) coping mechanism. You come through such trials so much more emotionally resilient. Salute.
cmehdy 6y ago
It's pretty useful for most day-to-day things, but (1) who you are can absolutely be changed by external circumstances - see TBIs and other long-lasting traumas, and (2) there are medical illnesses where you can be mostly robbed of your ideas - which by this mantra leaves you powerless to change your world. I'm not saying that to take away anything from the well-being brought by this interesting personal prayer, because it holds some insights about resilience. Only adding some context for the people out there whose depressive disorders, schizophrenia, or brain injuries, could leave them on the curb when it comes to these thoughts. Those people might need surgeries, medical treatment, or external support, before being able to strengthen themselves with this sort of thought.
- anon_13571113 6y ago
  You're right about that. I was in such a situation: I had strong feelings of anxiety, sadness, low self esteem. I went to a psychologist & psychiatrist and got a bit anti depressive medication, many books to read, meditation exercises, mindfulness. All these things were good and helpful, and I guess in most cases it's what's needed. But nothing of all that totally helped; I still had this sadness and anxiety and lack/absence of self confidence. Then many years later turns out I have an illness, hypothyreosis, that causes this. And medication (levothyroxine) made all this go away, and I'm a different person nowadays. > who you are can absolutely be changed by [...] circumstances [...] illnesses That's very correct. I've been two different personalities — one sad, anxious, withdrawn, another happy and social. It's weird what hormone levels can do to the brain and who one ... who one is? one's personality. Anyway, if someone has depression and anxiety feelings, and meditation and self help books won't make that go away — then, a blood sample test, it's just 5 minutes. (Well, plus bus / subway / something to the health clinic.)
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
- pathseeker 6y ago
  >who you are can absolutely be changed by external circumstances Yes, but that's focusing on the very unlikely external circumstances and defeating the point. 99.99% of the daily stuff that seems important actually is not and it's healthier to live a model assuming it's not important rather than worrying that everything could be that devastating brain tumor or IED taking out your bus.
dgb23 6y ago
Thank you for sharing this powerful prayer/mantra. I too had to go through a time like this, for different reasons, but I lost and fell into depression. I didn't have dependents unfortunately and my self-esteem was completely shattered. I recovered and became productive again since a while now. But I'm still haunted by anxiety sometimes. I'm in a state of extreme productivity and self-confidence right now, but part of it is feeling chased by my failing in the past, as if I have to (or could) catch up. At the same time I know that patience, focus and time are key to do the right thing(s). This is also being addressed in the linked article. My strategy is to talk, be open about my feelings (which I had to learn the hard way) and to take time to meditate and appreciate silence, deep focus, my loved ones and the beauty of nature. Mantras and prayers are like magic tricks: You condition yourself to focus on a positive, powerful thought and with time you can activate that state with little effort as you described. Ill be contemplating some of the thoughts in your prayer. Some of the phrases are very powerful, tangible metaphors.
dennisy 6y ago
Great mantra, very Stoic!
chrisweekly 6y ago
Wonderful. Stoicism in action. Thanks for sharing!
amatecha 6y ago
Thanks man. <3
throwaway180118 6y ago
I read your post a few hours ago, and it stuck with me long enough that I've returned to up-vote and reply. Thank you, genuinely.

munificent 6y ago

This is such a good mantra. I will remember this. Thank you.

blitmap 6y ago

This is a really wonderful way to reframe your perspective.

aswanson 6y ago

Awesome mantra. Been through similar circumstances and came up with a similar (though not as explicitly stated) coping mechanism. You come through such trials so much more emotionally resilient. Salute.

cmehdy 6y ago

It's pretty useful for most day-to-day things, but (1) who you are can absolutely be changed by external circumstances - see TBIs and other long-lasting traumas, and (2) there are medical illnesses where you can be mostly robbed of your ideas - which by this mantra leaves you powerless to change your world. I'm not saying that to take away anything from the well-being brought by this interesting personal prayer, because it holds some insights about resilience. Only adding some context for the people out there whose depressive disorders, schizophrenia, or brain injuries, could leave them on the curb when it comes to these thoughts. Those people might need surgeries, medical treatment, or external support, before being able to strengthen themselves with this sort of thought.

anon_13571113 6y ago
You're right about that. I was in such a situation: I had strong feelings of anxiety, sadness, low self esteem. I went to a psychologist & psychiatrist and got a bit anti depressive medication, many books to read, meditation exercises, mindfulness. All these things were good and helpful, and I guess in most cases it's what's needed. But nothing of all that totally helped; I still had this sadness and anxiety and lack/absence of self confidence. Then many years later turns out I have an illness, hypothyreosis, that causes this. And medication (levothyroxine) made all this go away, and I'm a different person nowadays. > who you are can absolutely be changed by [...] circumstances [...] illnesses That's very correct. I've been two different personalities — one sad, anxious, withdrawn, another happy and social. It's weird what hormone levels can do to the brain and who one ... who one is? one's personality. Anyway, if someone has depression and anxiety feelings, and meditation and self help books won't make that go away — then, a blood sample test, it's just 5 minutes. (Well, plus bus / subway / something to the health clinic.)
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
pathseeker 6y ago
>who you are can absolutely be changed by external circumstances Yes, but that's focusing on the very unlikely external circumstances and defeating the point. 99.99% of the daily stuff that seems important actually is not and it's healthier to live a model assuming it's not important rather than worrying that everything could be that devastating brain tumor or IED taking out your bus.

dgb23 6y ago

Thank you for sharing this powerful prayer/mantra. I too had to go through a time like this, for different reasons, but I lost and fell into depression. I didn't have dependents unfortunately and my self-esteem was completely shattered. I recovered and became productive again since a while now. But I'm still haunted by anxiety sometimes. I'm in a state of extreme productivity and self-confidence right now, but part of it is feeling chased by my failing in the past, as if I have to (or could) catch up. At the same time I know that patience, focus and time are key to do the right thing(s). This is also being addressed in the linked article. My strategy is to talk, be open about my feelings (which I had to learn the hard way) and to take time to meditate and appreciate silence, deep focus, my loved ones and the beauty of nature. Mantras and prayers are like magic tricks: You condition yourself to focus on a positive, powerful thought and with time you can activate that state with little effort as you described. Ill be contemplating some of the thoughts in your prayer. Some of the phrases are very powerful, tangible metaphors.

dennisy 6y ago

Great mantra, very Stoic!

chrisweekly 6y ago

Wonderful. Stoicism in action. Thanks for sharing!

amatecha 6y ago

Thanks man. <3

throwaway180118 6y ago

I read your post a few hours ago, and it stuck with me long enough that I've returned to up-vote and reply. Thank you, genuinely.