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I had been shy as a teen and got over it. But since my last girlfriend left around a year ago (my first serious relationship), I've been thrown back into the br

I had been shy as a teen and got over it. But since my last girlfriend left around a year ago (my first serious relationship), I've been thrown back into the breach. I had forgotten how diabolical this torment was, actually. Inability to connect with any other person. No interest in meeting new people, despite a persistent, stinging loneliness. It's really fascinating to revisit this state as an adult. And painful.

startingup 18y ago
"persistent, stinging loneliness" I vividly remember that phase of my life. I would not want to live it again. It was a combination of shyness, geekiness, being a foreigner in a new land and persistent rejection arising out of the first 3. In hindsight, the big mistake I made was to try to fish in over-fished waters (typical engineering graduate school, where every female has numerous suitors). There exist overstocked ponds, demographically speaking, where you will have much better luck. School teachers, nurses and the like come to mind, but there are many other demographics. The school teacher demographic is a good one: they tend to be bright and idealistic (and many of them are pretty too!). The good news: I eventually came out of that phase, got on with life, found a wonderful woman (my wife now), and even made decent money ... so there is light at the end of the tunnel. If I can do it, you can do it too.
- yummyfajitas 18y ago
  I'd suggest at that stage, forget about fishing. Women are wonderful, but nonessential, and a distraction at that stage. If you are depressed and have difficulty connecting, focus on yourself. Go play soccer, join critical mass, go climbing, do something you enjoy (keyboards forbidden, testosterone encouraged). Take on a satisfying project at work (though not so big it overwhelms your life). Find male friends, ignore women for now. The goal is to solve your problems, and women can't do that.
utx00 18y ago
try to observe it from a non-judgmental standpoint (and definitely don't push it away). you might then be able to figure it out.
xlnt 18y ago
If you're so shy, how'd you manage to post personal information in a public forum, like this?
- PieSquared 18y ago
  It may be similar to the "its easier to be an asshole online than in person" phenomenon. It's easier to talk about personal things online than in person, or so my experiences show.
- jpeterson 18y ago
  Somehow I feel comfortable here. Not sure why. I wouldn't have posted this anywhere else.
  - edw519 18y ago
    I understand completely. I'm here every day, reading and posting all the time. I do this nowhere else. No facebook, no friendfeed, no twitter, just this and email. Then I go to a cocktail party or happy hour and stand in the corner.
    - xlnt 18y ago
      Why do you go to the party or bar? I don't attend such things.
      - edw519 18y ago
        I don't. I go to events (usually business related) that I've been invited to. The more geeks in the room, the more comfortable I feel. The more MBAs, the less.
        indiejade 18y ago
        The more _____ in the room, the less comfortable I feel. For me, the operative word would be suits. Suits are what make me uncomfortable. Any events that encourage wearing of clothes that require dry cleaning, formalities, pretentious things of that nature are right up there. Thus says the MBA geek: It's actually possible to have an MBA and to still be a geek. It's not a cure-all or indication of social aptness. I don't know why some people insist upon their stereotypes about that particular degree of education.

startingup 18y ago

"persistent, stinging loneliness" I vividly remember that phase of my life. I would not want to live it again. It was a combination of shyness, geekiness, being a foreigner in a new land and persistent rejection arising out of the first 3. In hindsight, the big mistake I made was to try to fish in over-fished waters (typical engineering graduate school, where every female has numerous suitors). There exist overstocked ponds, demographically speaking, where you will have much better luck. School teachers, nurses and the like come to mind, but there are many other demographics. The school teacher demographic is a good one: they tend to be bright and idealistic (and many of them are pretty too!). The good news: I eventually came out of that phase, got on with life, found a wonderful woman (my wife now), and even made decent money ... so there is light at the end of the tunnel. If I can do it, you can do it too.

yummyfajitas 18y ago
I'd suggest at that stage, forget about fishing. Women are wonderful, but nonessential, and a distraction at that stage. If you are depressed and have difficulty connecting, focus on yourself. Go play soccer, join critical mass, go climbing, do something you enjoy (keyboards forbidden, testosterone encouraged). Take on a satisfying project at work (though not so big it overwhelms your life). Find male friends, ignore women for now. The goal is to solve your problems, and women can't do that.

utx00 18y ago

try to observe it from a non-judgmental standpoint (and definitely don't push it away). you might then be able to figure it out.

xlnt 18y ago

If you're so shy, how'd you manage to post personal information in a public forum, like this?

PieSquared 18y ago
It may be similar to the "its easier to be an asshole online than in person" phenomenon. It's easier to talk about personal things online than in person, or so my experiences show.
jpeterson 18y ago
Somehow I feel comfortable here. Not sure why. I wouldn't have posted this anywhere else.
- edw519 18y ago
  I understand completely. I'm here every day, reading and posting all the time. I do this nowhere else. No facebook, no friendfeed, no twitter, just this and email. Then I go to a cocktail party or happy hour and stand in the corner.
  - xlnt 18y ago
    Why do you go to the party or bar? I don't attend such things.
    - edw519 18y ago
      I don't. I go to events (usually business related) that I've been invited to. The more geeks in the room, the more comfortable I feel. The more MBAs, the less.
      - indiejade 18y ago
        The more _____ in the room, the less comfortable I feel. For me, the operative word would be suits. Suits are what make me uncomfortable. Any events that encourage wearing of clothes that require dry cleaning, formalities, pretentious things of that nature are right up there. Thus says the MBA geek: It's actually possible to have an MBA and to still be a geek. It's not a cure-all or indication of social aptness. I don't know why some people insist upon their stereotypes about that particular degree of education.