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You're not wrong, but I've had to force myself out of this kind of negative thinking and instead try to approach someone like that from a place of genuine compa

You're not wrong, but I've had to force myself out of this kind of negative thinking and instead try to approach someone like that from a place of genuine compassion and honesty. I've been called a "dumbass liberal", "commie", "socialist" and other names at work because the majority of the employees are die-hard Trump fans and/or religious fundamentalists and I made the mistake of expressing compassion for the immigrants in cages when it was big in the news. I've found that explaining my point of view, that as one who follows the teachings of Christ (I'm not overly religious but it's a discipline of love towards all other people and I'm down with that, plus it keeps my religious family happy), I can't in good conscience find pleasure in the suffering of others, seemed to make some of them stop and think about their own prejudices and biases. I doubt I've actually won anyone over (I tend to just keep my mouth shut about current events these days), but I've definitely seen an improvement in how I'm treated since then. Hopefully expressing positive feelings instead of reacting to negativity with more negativity will continue to improve my relationships with coworkers.

Bjartr 6y ago
I'm fascinated how people don't seem to be receptive to your promotion of positivity (by how you've been downvoted) IMO, your outlook is exactly what we need more of in the world. In a related vein to you I don't get any satisfaction out of hating others. Especially knowing how easy it is for the human psyche to latch onto those behaviors (othering, outgroup, tribalism, etc.)
- morganvachon 6y ago
  > I'm fascinated how people don't seem to be receptive to your promotion of positivity (by how you've been downvoted) I think some of it is down to how as a species we are tribal by nature, and we have to work hard to get past that and start seeing one another as companions by default, rather than adversaries. There's a time and place for healthy competition and sportsmanship, but issues like politics, religion, and race should not be competitive at all (edit to say I get that politics is a competition/popularity contest, rather I mean that one should be able to support an ideal or a specific candidate without being seen as "the enemy").
  - 082349872349872 6y ago
    A nice ritual (at least pre-covid) for the times and places for healthy competition and sportsmanship is to shake hands before and after, to put parentheses around that competition.
dfee 6y ago
On either side of the spectrum, many people associate with a particular brand of politics as part of their identity. Political strategists are smart, and quite literally divvy up these groups and build a coalition in a process called “tent building”. Now, I’ve met and talked with plenty of folk who confuse their identity with their political party. Definitely happens on both sides - as I saw growing up in Oklahoma, and now see in the Bay Area. The point is, people feel (not wrongfully) uncomfortable when their identity is “threatened” by people who represent themselves with a brand of politics that is oppositional to the one that markets to them. Now I’ve found that when you share your beliefs, and they aren’t founded on identity politics, then it can ease up the feelings of threat and opposition you’re sure to face. Alternatively, don’t talk about politics - the simpler method. Having always been a bit of a political outsider, I learned early on that proselytizing others is both counterproductive and alienating.
- danharaj 6y ago
  > The point is, people feel (not wrongfully) uncomfortable when their identity is “threatened” by people who represent themselves with a brand of politics that is oppositional to the one that markets to them. Do you have specific examples?
  - dfee 6y ago
    Sure. Go to a Ducks Unlimited banquet and tell folks you’re a Democrat and they may contextualize gun control as your agenda. Tell your Bay Area colleagues you’re a Republican and you’ll be contextualized as close minded. Tell people you’re unaffiliated and they’ll often see you as an antagonist to their pet causes. Don’t tell people anything, and they usually won’t put up a guard.
    - danharaj 6y ago
      No no, those are hypothetical. What's happened to you?
      - dfee 6y ago
pessimizer 6y ago
> I've found that explaining my point of view, that as one who follows the teachings of Christ (I'm not overly religious but it's a discipline of love towards all other people and I'm down with that, plus it keeps my religious family happy), I can't in good conscience find pleasure in the suffering of others, seemed to make some of them stop and think about their own prejudices and biases. How do you think this would have gone if you hadn't claimed a religious exception? So rather if you simply said that you couldn't find pleasure in the suffering of others, but with no references to Christ?
- morganvachon 6y ago
  I don't see it as a religious exception, rather the opposite: Because of my existing convictions, I find Christ's teachings about loving one another and helping others to be compatible with my views. I get what you mean though, and I wonder too if it would have made any difference good or bad. I think with some folks, maybe it would.

Bjartr 6y ago

I'm fascinated how people don't seem to be receptive to your promotion of positivity (by how you've been downvoted) IMO, your outlook is exactly what we need more of in the world. In a related vein to you I don't get any satisfaction out of hating others. Especially knowing how easy it is for the human psyche to latch onto those behaviors (othering, outgroup, tribalism, etc.)

morganvachon 6y ago
> I'm fascinated how people don't seem to be receptive to your promotion of positivity (by how you've been downvoted) I think some of it is down to how as a species we are tribal by nature, and we have to work hard to get past that and start seeing one another as companions by default, rather than adversaries. There's a time and place for healthy competition and sportsmanship, but issues like politics, religion, and race should not be competitive at all (edit to say I get that politics is a competition/popularity contest, rather I mean that one should be able to support an ideal or a specific candidate without being seen as "the enemy").
- 082349872349872 6y ago
  A nice ritual (at least pre-covid) for the times and places for healthy competition and sportsmanship is to shake hands before and after, to put parentheses around that competition.

dfee 6y ago

On either side of the spectrum, many people associate with a particular brand of politics as part of their identity. Political strategists are smart, and quite literally divvy up these groups and build a coalition in a process called “tent building”. Now, I’ve met and talked with plenty of folk who confuse their identity with their political party. Definitely happens on both sides - as I saw growing up in Oklahoma, and now see in the Bay Area. The point is, people feel (not wrongfully) uncomfortable when their identity is “threatened” by people who represent themselves with a brand of politics that is oppositional to the one that markets to them. Now I’ve found that when you share your beliefs, and they aren’t founded on identity politics, then it can ease up the feelings of threat and opposition you’re sure to face. Alternatively, don’t talk about politics - the simpler method. Having always been a bit of a political outsider, I learned early on that proselytizing others is both counterproductive and alienating.

danharaj 6y ago
> The point is, people feel (not wrongfully) uncomfortable when their identity is “threatened” by people who represent themselves with a brand of politics that is oppositional to the one that markets to them. Do you have specific examples?
- dfee 6y ago
  Sure. Go to a Ducks Unlimited banquet and tell folks you’re a Democrat and they may contextualize gun control as your agenda. Tell your Bay Area colleagues you’re a Republican and you’ll be contextualized as close minded. Tell people you’re unaffiliated and they’ll often see you as an antagonist to their pet causes. Don’t tell people anything, and they usually won’t put up a guard.
  - danharaj 6y ago
    No no, those are hypothetical. What's happened to you?
    - dfee 6y ago

pessimizer 6y ago

> I've found that explaining my point of view, that as one who follows the teachings of Christ (I'm not overly religious but it's a discipline of love towards all other people and I'm down with that, plus it keeps my religious family happy), I can't in good conscience find pleasure in the suffering of others, seemed to make some of them stop and think about their own prejudices and biases. How do you think this would have gone if you hadn't claimed a religious exception? So rather if you simply said that you couldn't find pleasure in the suffering of others, but with no references to Christ?

morganvachon 6y ago
I don't see it as a religious exception, rather the opposite: Because of my existing convictions, I find Christ's teachings about loving one another and helping others to be compatible with my views. I get what you mean though, and I wonder too if it would have made any difference good or bad. I think with some folks, maybe it would.