3 ms·
Summary of maxims: You can print out these two pages, fold than up, and keep then in your pocket. Well, maybe not, since nobody is really interested in writing
by bcaa7f3a8bbc 6y ago
Summary of maxims: You can print out these two pages, fold than up, and keep then in your pocket. Well, maybe not, since nobody is really interested in writing MS-DOS-based games, anymore. But if you did, this would have been a handy guide to ensuring that your game doesn’t run on Windows 95.
1. The more confusing the error message, the better.
2. If it doesn’t run under Windows, then it’s Windows’fault.
3. Detect Windows, and crash.
4. Manuals are a waste of time.
5. Words in boldface don’t count.
6. Just because you’re a Windows application doesn’t mean that you have to be compatible with Windows.
7. Performance degradation is acceptable in the greater interest of not running on Windows 95.
8. If you’re going to do something wrong, do it wrong in as many different ways as possible.
9. Find a rule and break it as blatantly as possible.
10. The weirder your code, the harder it will be for the operating system to detect that you are about to do something stupid and rescue you.
11. Always look for the weirdest, most convoluted way of doing something. That way, you stand a good chance of doing it wrong.
12. It is better to be lucky than good.
13. Multitasking is for wimps.
14. Persistence may not help, but it’s fun.
15. Thrashing is good. It reminds the user that the computer is on.
16. Random addresses are harmless.
17. If you’re going to fail, do so as subtly as possible.
18. Do something that is supported only under Windows, and do it wrong.
19. Second-guess the specification whenever possible.
20. Knowledge of the English language is optional.
21. Well-behaved programs are for wimps.
22. Bite the hand that feeds you.
23. Words in italics don’t count.
24. If you can’t be subtle, then be blatant.
25. Intel will never release a new CPU.
26. Slower is better.
27. If you can’t convince the operating system to screw you up, take matters into your own hands.
28. Microsoft will never release a new version of the operating system.
29. The high words of 32-bit registers are always zero.
30. Even business applications can benefit from a boot disk.
31. Error checking is for wimps.
32. Don’t bother testing the error paths. The game is already over.
33. When faced with the unusual, self-destruct.
- redis_mlc 6y agoI was a Windows developer back in the day. After a certain Windows release, Microsoft had a Windows App Certification checklist of features you had to use if you wanted various levels of support, or sales to brick and mortar stores (they required that to reduce support calls and returns.) At first I found the checklists irritating, as they required essentially a major application release for each Windows version - your application bit-rotted essentially. But in the end, it was worth it as the application was more polished, with standardized paths, help, etc.
- elwes5 6y agoThe amount of crazy things people did in win3.x was pretty amazing. MS kind of did it to themselves. Want to know what an HWIN looks like? Right there in the header. No functions to access those items. Now you can not change that struct without breaking hundreds of programs. I remember the other devs grumbling that the win9x headers did not have the system structs in there. What was just an update into an a pointer deref became 'which method do I need to change this feature now...' game. That MS pulled that compat job off and did not absolutely obliterate everything I have to admire.